Adult Diagnosis Maybe

Just be yourself. 
Those who avoid you arn't worth knowing anyway.
You will be happier in yourself if you just " Go with the flow " so to speak.

I think you're mostly correct. I feel like I need to talk with my kids. When they got out if high school and started their own things, I no longer controlled my schedule. I have never been mean to them but I think at times they didn't understand my lesser excitement when my son wanted to visit unannounced. I ALWAYS want to see him but I set up my day and it's tough to re-adjust, even when it's a good thing changing and I love him so much. I would just get irritated and they know me so well that it was impossible to total cover from them. Their are other small things like that where they might feel better if they knew. 

Also to note, he was never visiting during a time I had an obligation like my job. Most of the time it would be just that I had to clean the kitchen or do laundry but I had laid out the day already. I write my day down every day and then move through the list so I can get stuff done. This also allows me to write down new stuff that comes up and put it into a different schedule. I run on listed schedules all the time.

Chlotte said:

I had laid out the day already

I get it that routine is very important for you, but have you considered creating a part of the routine that lets you play a "wild card" - one with its own rules that lets you have a day with variable structure that is actually planned?

Think of it as a way you can take the tasks that the day in question has lined up and decide how to re-allocate these in a way that works for you.

Consider this.

Every day you set aside a time window of an hour to do the things you may need to have rescheduled. If you have nothing to fit in from these events then it can be whatever has cropped up unexpectedly or simply free time to read a book.

This gives buffer space to stop any unexpected events destroying the while day. Expecting the unexpected if you like and being able to crush it!.

When you have a unexpected but most welcome visitor then you can look at your day, see which tasks are "must do" (doctors appointment), "really should be done" (pick up more milk as we are nearly out) and "actually I can live if that doesn't get done" (cleaning).

Now you should get the visitor to work around the "must do"items, reschedule the "really should be done" items to the next day or two and the rest get put off until further free time slots.

This way you control the chaos and have comfort that you can cope well with the unexpected.

To reinforce this keep a note of your daily plans and mark up on these when you had to play the "chaos card" and how well it worked for you. That builds confidence in its effectiveness so you are  comfortable in using it and can cope better with the unknown,

Only a thought.

Chlotte said:

I had laid out the day already

I get it that routine is very important for you, but have you considered creating a part of the routine that lets you play a "wild card" - one with its own rules that lets you have a day with variable structure that is actually planned?

Think of it as a way you can take the tasks that the day in question has lined up and decide how to re-allocate these in a way that works for you.

Consider this.

Every day you set aside a time window of an hour to do the things you may need to have rescheduled. If you have nothing to fit in from these events then it can be whatever has cropped up unexpectedly or simply free time to read a book.

This gives buffer space to stop any unexpected events destroying the while day. Expecting the unexpected if you like and being able to crush it!.

When you have a unexpected but most welcome visitor then you can look at your day, see which tasks are "must do" (doctors appointment), "really should be done" (pick up more milk as we are nearly out) and "actually I can live if that doesn't get done" (cleaning).

Now you should get the visitor to work around the "must do"items, reschedule the "really should be done" items to the next day or two and the rest get put off until further free time slots.

This way you control the chaos and have comfort that you can cope well with the unexpected.

To reinforce this keep a note of your daily plans and mark up on these when you had to play the "chaos card" and how well it worked for you. That builds confidence in its effectiveness so you are  comfortable in using it and can cope better with the unknown,

Only a thought.

This seems like a wonderful idea but it makes me feel nervous  lol. I will give.it a shot though. I love schedules. When I took my kids to Disney World years ago, I planned which day we would be in which park and made meal reservations in those parks so it was all set up. The time to ride rides though I was able to let them choose because that was part of the plan.

The career I'm in actually trained me to what they call a "success calendar" so I think that's why I do well in it. There's a template that I feel in and I was taught which type of activity goes in which part if the template. They also taught me what to replace with if I don't have the correct activity needed for the template that day.