Published on 12, July, 2020
Preface: I would do ANYTHING to be NT. ANYTHING. I hate having ASD and if there was a cure, I would take it without a second thought, because I would feel more feminine as an NT.
I especially do not like the analogy of NTs being Windows and NDs being Linux. I hate Linux. I don't want to be the nerd, the uncool one. I want to be Mac, a sleek, pretty, sexy Mac.
I hate the NDs are Androids and NTs are iPhones even more, and insist that it's the reverse, that NDs are iPhones and NTs are Androids, because iPhones are prettier, and I want to be the pretty, popular, feminine one. Does anyone else feel this way?
Well assuming you’re female bodied One thing you’ve got going for you is that femininity and popularity as perceived by men has a hell of a lot more to do with your appearance and your body than your social skills.
if you want to affirm your femininity you can go a long way just with the way you dress, make up, hairstyling, The way you walk, things that can be studied learnt and taught. If you look like a supermodel no one will give a toss that you talk like a nerd.
This doesnt relatr to the OP however i wanted to give my opinion on your post. ....If one is fortunate enough to have an acceptable face this does go some way but lacking the social skills is definitely where the difficulty lies. At the end of the day, both need to match. I spent a long time when younger wondering why people could do things I couldn't and generally missing cues or not understanding. It messes with yourself esteem. There are things you can learn but I'd say some of that isn't "authentic" for autistic women. There are people out there (men and women) who don't want the superficial, regardless of their looks. I am aware that women can probably get away with more than men. Social slips can be seen as quirkiness and forgiven a bit more easily.
We all have different needs and preferences! Social differences are definitely a barrier though.
Peter said:if you want to affirm your femininity you can go a long way just with the way you dress, make up, hairstyling, The way you walk, things that can be studied learnt and taught. If you look like a supermodel no one will give a toss that you talk like a nerd.
Why should autistic women do that to please others?
It's encouraging masking.
With regard to your last line, what you look like is only a part of attraction.
I think you are grossly over simplifying the situation for women.
I am friends with the 1st man I had a full intimate relationship with in my early 30s, and he told me recently that at the time he met me he was amazed I hadn't had a string of previous boyfriends, because of my looks.
However, now he says he understands why ie my autism (undiagnosed then).
Autism affects everything you are and everything you do, say and think.
No matter how attractive I was, the way I behaved was so different from other women that it alienated me from men on top of which my own responses to situations where I met men e.g. social anxiety, getting overwhelmed (I could go on and on) meant that any opportunities to be asked out tended to not come to fruition.
It's actually a very complicated question with a miriad different aspects to be analysed.
I could write a dissertation on this having got to 61 and with a wealth of knowledge and experience to look back on.
To misquote you: Even though I may have looked like a model, everyone cared: How I talked, behaved, thought, as someone very alien from what they were used to'....
Add onto that my own struggles with social interaction as a part of the autism.
Peter said:One thing you’ve got going for you is that femininity and popularity as perceived by men has a hell of a lot more to do with your appearance and your body than your social skills.
Are you talking for all men there?
Once again, think that's incorrect.