Life is hard

Like you touch on, a lot of us might find the face to face meet up difficult. I am 'ok' in some social situations , like many others prefer 1to1 or very small group of 3 or 4. I think a lot of us would probably struggle with the unstructured nature of something like that so maybe a meet up with something else as the main theme, like coming for food and drink and having things to do like board games or something a long those lines where the emphasis is less on the meeting and more the other thing (whatever that may be) to take the pressure off. Or even in a similar vein special interest groups.

I really don't know to be honest i don't think one thing could work for everyone. Some people may feel lonely no matter what they try. 

I guess i just wish there was more awareness of it. I get the impression that someone having no friends is an unheard of concept and i find that painful

Emmy said:

I'm trying to be more independent. It's not easy though

What things do you find the most challenging? We may be able to offer advice if you want to share.

That's a good saying.

I'm trying to be more independent. It's not easy though.

Churches often have open days / community meet ups that are quite pleasant.

There is a religeous overtone to some of these but many are really quite pleasant and you can get to have a look around some old churches with amazing architecture sometimes.

Does anyone have suggestions for quiet places to meet?  Coffee shops tend to be where people are, for obvious reasons ... where else would be a quiet but safe place for autisic people to meet?

Thinking about practical solutions for this, how would we be able to do find friends, especially kids?

Would you go to an autists meetup?

Many on the boards here talk about extreme aversion to face to face meetings, being in proximity to others (covid or germ concerns), fears of traveling and extreme shyness.

It would be very hard to make this work without some "social angels" to help find others with interests and/or wants for social contact.

I suppose a dating agency type approach could work where we offer up a summary of what we do and don't want and see if we can be matched with someone else.

Would that be too patronising that the organisers are taking over that social initiation for you?

I also forsee this to be very hard to organise on a local enough level, especially now that there are so few social venues suitable for this. There would need to be literally thousands of volunteers to co-ordinate across the country if this were to work in most biggish towns.

Maybe that is getting to far ahead of itself - I think a template for an event format would probably work best that can be given to any local volunteers. Churches would seem a logical choice as they still offer charitable services and a venue in this day and age, and they thankfully do not require you to be a believer to join their community activities.

I'm just throwing some thoughts into the ring here - any other ideas on how this could work in practice?

I agree Tamsyn.

I'm worried a lot of autistic people may be like me and have no friends and suffer from loneliness. Young autistic especially but i do know there may be older people included in this too. And i also worry a lot of them can't tell anyone that because in reality it's not socially acceptable to say you have no friends.

I just wish something could be done about it because it's heartbreaking to read parents post on this forum asking for help about their child's loneliness. 

It'd be a start if we could get a tiny bit of financial help...

I agree Katy, life is really tough some days. The only 'help' the doctors seem to want to give is antidepressants or social prescribing like go to the gym or join a park run (because that is exactly what someone with social difficulties, low energy and possibly co-ordination issues needs when they are already feeling rubbish about themselves!).

In my experience mental health services are really rubbish at helping anyone who is autistic.

I wish I had some answers for you or positive words but sadly I don't, just empathy and understanding of your struggle. 

I get the impression that a lot of people on the spectrum, especially with low support needs, are looking for some sort of in-person social group where they can feel accepted and understood and where they can support each other with issues, pretty much like this forum but in person. 

i'm up for that, but those who go into government do so because they want power over others. gun control has nothing to do with public safety, and everything to do with those in government feeling they have power over a subjugated population.  ... so unless you are a state 'enforcer', you wont be given anything that would enhance your power and lead to those in power feeling less powerful.

I think we ought to get a dispensation to openly carry firearms. 

That'd cut down on the piss taking and general abuse we get handed out so casually...

Indeed, some good ideas there ... i guess the big thing is for people who have recently discovered they are autistic to not feel so alone in their confusion. This forum is great for that.

and a guide for how to relearn social interaction as an autistic person would be great! 

I think these are great ideas and I'd be keen to be involved

Emmy said:

I wish there was proper support out there for autism

I have an open question for those contributing here:

What support do you think you want / need?

I agree there is a lack of support services for adults, especially those of us with relatively low support needs.

The solution is probably to use a forum (like this one) to build up some online services to help ourselves. We may even be able to apply for grant money (lottery etc) for this but we first need to work out what it should look like?

Any ideas to throw into the ring?

I was going to suggest setting up workshops via a zoom call for things like:

- how to manage anxiety

- ideas to get / keep a job

- ideas to make friends and understand the "social code"

Socially there may be space for resources for finding clubs in our special interest areas, book reviews about autism and related subjects (ADHD, alexithymia etc) and maybe classes from anyone with a special interest that would be up for sharing more high level info about their hobby.

This forum is still the best solution for specific questions in my opinion as it remains a searchable resource for others to reference.

Any other ideas?

I am kinda new to the reality that I am autistic, despite being in my 40s ... finding help has been a challenge for me also. there are aspects of being autistic I find heartbreaking. From now being aware that I do not see the emotion in peoples faces, to simply knowing someone well enough that I can get a hug on the rare occasions that it would be helpful ...

I went to a local autistic meetup a month or so ago ... I need to check if they have another one coming up.

I hope things get easier for you.

Perhaps we are meant to paddle our own canoe, and become proactive; rather than reactive.

I weaned myself off overdependence, over the years. It isn't easy, but the rewards are there.

Have you tried yoga? I go some Saturday morning. 

Before my anxiety got bad I was going to a swim group. I enjoyed it.