I think my mum is Autistic

My father is an autistic parent and is a very warm and loving man.

TBH I don't like the way you say she is cruel and has a history of it, that is a huge red flag. That sounds like my mother, but she was a narcissist and an abuser not autistic, the autism runs on my father's side of the family. He's also a survivor of her abuse and as an autistic parent he was not cold at all.

I am an autistic parent and I hug my child every day because my dad was a good role model even if I only know what maternal love should look like based on the shape of the hole left in it's absence.

Unfortunately people on the spectrum often attract narcissists and end up abused because we are so vuulnerable and teh way the abuser preys on us. Please be very careful not to diagnose other people without a professional, you can self identify autistic but you cannot claim someone you know is because you are not in their shoes to know how they think and it can be dangerous to tar autistic people like that. For example it was the opinion of a licensed professional that my mother is narcissistic even though they couldn't formally diagnose her without her participation (and that is a totally seperate long story about aspects of my life I don't think I need share here.)

Anywa here's a load of vids on the topic. Because it sounds like you may have autistic family members (maybe even you yourself) who have fell victim to your mothers behaviour over the years if you have a cousin that shows traits of autism. It may be helpful to watch the vids and see if anything ressonates with your experiences and observations.

That's not to say an autistic person cannot also be a narcissist or schizophrenic, but those are not automatically synonymous with autism and are also their own separate things. I think you may want to explore other possibilities, and then re-assess with the sisters caring for her once you have more information because a hasty misdiagnosis will be as useful as a chocolate teapot to everyone involved.

My father is an autistic parent and is a very warm and loving man.

TBH I don't like the way you say she is cruel and has a history of it, that is a huge red flag. That sounds like my mother, but she was a narcissist and an abuser not autistic, the autism runs on my father's side of the family. He's also a survivor of her abuse and as an autistic parent he was not cold at all.

I am an autistic parent and I hug my child every day because my dad was a good role model even if I only know what maternal love should look like based on the shape of the hole left in it's absence.

Unfortunately people on the spectrum often attract narcissists and end up abused because we are so vuulnerable and teh way the abuser preys on us. Please be very careful not to diagnose other people without a professional, you can self identify autistic but you cannot claim someone you know is because you are not in their shoes to know how they think and it can be dangerous to tar autistic people like that. For example it was the opinion of a licensed professional that my mother is narcissistic even though they couldn't formally diagnose her without her participation (and that is a totally seperate long story about aspects of my life I don't think I need share here.)

Anywa here's a load of vids on the topic. Because it sounds like you may have autistic family members (maybe even you yourself) who have fell victim to your mothers behaviour over the years if you have a cousin that shows traits of autism. It may be helpful to watch the vids and see if anything ressonates with your experiences and observations.

That's not to say an autistic person cannot also be a narcissist or schizophrenic, but those are not automatically synonymous with autism and are also their own separate things. I think you may want to explore other possibilities, and then re-assess with the sisters caring for her once you have more information because a hasty misdiagnosis will be as useful as a chocolate teapot to everyone involved.

I am in no way saying my mothers behaviour is typical of autism, who am i to know this, and i am proof that her behaviour is not typical, because i am a very caring, supportive, loving individual. You may have mis interpreted my post. Or perhaps it was the way i wrote it. 

I've just watched the 1st of those videos.

Thank you for that.

My autistic friend who knew my mother, and is very knowledgable and who was once a psychiatric nurse, did originally say that he thought my mother might have/had Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

I take on board that you say not to diagnose someone without a professional, but people haunted by their upbringing but who are ignorant of what caused a parent to behave as they did, may always want to find an answer, as I do.

Also, it wasn't just the upbringing, but my mother's behaviour towards me all my life, especially when I was her carer, that have me constantly agonising over this.

The video I watched described my mother to a 'T' but without quite a few additonal behaviours (including delusions), so I'm lost now, and it must always remain an unknown.

It couldn't have been known during her lifetime as she wouldn't seek medical help for anything and blamed her family for all her issues.

I do appreciate your input here and if the genetics are a high component in the likelihood of autism, and if my mother wasn't autistic, it's got me examining my father.

However, 2 or 3 conditions in one person aren't impossible, and might explain why she is the oddest person I have ever known.

Hi- My mum and possibly also my Dad are autistic and I am too!  My mum is one of the kindest, most caring, sensitive and loveliest people I know. Being autistic is no excuse for cruelty or unkind behaviour. There are neurotypical and autistic people that are unkind and cruel. It has nothing to do with their neurotype. I also strongly disagree with the idea that autistic people don’t have empathy, it’s not true. Ok so people could say that autistic people might be less good at reading other people’s emotions and might therefore be more likely unintentionally offend. But even if that might be the case in some instances, there are a lot of ways around this. In my case I actually worry a lot about how people interpret what i do or say and whether I have read them correctly. Also with time you also learn what things could unintentionally be offensive- it might take a bit longer but you learn.

Being autistic is no excuse for unkindness in my opinion.