Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, My 18 year old Autistic son really struggles with time keeping. He's very private and spends a lot of time in his room, so I can't say categorically what the hold up is. He can spend literally hours getting dressed or putting on shoes. To me, a NT, he appears to be procrastinating, but he won't (can't?) tell us why it takes so long. He misses big chunks of school - especially the lessons early in the day as he can't get himself up and ready in time. He says he doesn't need any help (he's newly diagnosed, if that makes any difference!). Are there any strategies we can help him to put in place to encourage him to be better with his time keeping? I also think he's up a lot during the night, but he denies this. I'd really like to understand better how his mind works! Thank you.
Juniper,
I keep meaning to try and 'get into' this time aspect. I'm fascinated by just how differently my time perception is to almost everyone else I have ever met. #snowman (I think is still on the forum) and he was the first person who wrote something of his experience on these pages that heavily resonated with me.
I think out_of_step has also mentioned a weird grasp of time too.
I'm rubbish at keeping in touch....and PDA (pretty damn abnormal)....but will reach to you Snowman soon if you are still around. I think we might be oddly similar!
Juniper....what's the best 'first thing' to read on the autistic time issue? Sorry to be needy, captain.
Number.
NAS87080 said:I'd really like to understand better how his mind works! Thank you.
Good luck with that! I have full unlimited access to my own mind......and I still don't understand much of the motivations and challenges that I face. I don't state the above in jest - I genuinely think you would be wasting your time trying to understand how his mind works. I can answer that by saying, simply, 'differently'.
My morning life improved dramatically when I settled on wearing identical clothes, in every single respect. It is odd what calms us into functionality.
It is great that you want to help him - I think he should open his door more for you. I would maybe start small and try to garner mutual agreement that when he becomes late, his door gets opened - to remind him it's time to go - and so you can be informed and calmed yourself. That seems fair and reasonable to you both?
I wish you both luck.
The different notions of time you have mentioned are certainly food for thought
This had crossed my mind as I have seen this done with younger children, but wondered if my 18 year old would dismiss it as babyish? He's already not entirely on board with the diagnosis!
Some great ideas, thank you!
Might it be possible/useful to have timetables using pictures instead of words?
eg; if hoovering is to be done at 10 am find away to get a picture to appear next to the time slot instead of the word
My mother noticed I had extreme difficulty getting dressed when I wasn't wearing a uniform. I found it incredibly difficult to put myself together, so she started mandating I sort out the night before what I'll need in the morning which helped. I can visualise to such a degree that once I have a visual of what's happening next or how the day will play out, it's actually more difficult not to follow through.
There's a few Autistic differences involved to work with which have strengths and limits such as the need for Resolve (which appears like rigidness) and the ability to hyper-focus, which is also the ability to get completely lost in the moment.
Autistics tend to have a relationship with Aion/Kairos while our NeuroTypical peers with Chronos or choronological time. Aion-Kairos is this sense of Eternal / Present or - past, present and future in the Now. It seems to be part of the Monotropic brain. Both have value, but society tends toward Chronos.
As for the morning, I might still pack my backpack at night and have an album of photos of outfits on my phone I'll look at before going to bed to make a decision with. This means a few times per year I might peel through what I have, work out what works together and take photos. Sometimes working out an exact routine on paper is useful to follow to stay focused and on task. I also found a mushroom compound helped greatly with focus and for better concentration. But I still need that task list to follow if on a tight morning schedule. These are all best worked out in advance. A saying in my house is now, "Luck favours the Prepared".
There is some research evidence that a proportion of autistics have atypical 'biological clocks', so his problems with time could be fundamental. I have similar problems with judging the passage of time, however I overcompensate, and if I have a definite appointment I am dressed and fully ready a few hours before I need to be.
I have a weekly timesheet, but generally just stick on hard commitments.
Perhaps it's an issue with fatigue. I find that it takes a while for me to fully wake up; after getting up.