Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, My 18 year old Autistic son really struggles with time keeping. He's very private and spends a lot of time in his room, so I can't say categorically what the hold up is. He can spend literally hours getting dressed or putting on shoes. To me, a NT, he appears to be procrastinating, but he won't (can't?) tell us why it takes so long. He misses big chunks of school - especially the lessons early in the day as he can't get himself up and ready in time. He says he doesn't need any help (he's newly diagnosed, if that makes any difference!). Are there any strategies we can help him to put in place to encourage him to be better with his time keeping? I also think he's up a lot during the night, but he denies this. I'd really like to understand better how his mind works! Thank you.
My mother noticed I had extreme difficulty getting dressed when I wasn't wearing a uniform. I found it incredibly difficult to put myself together, so she started mandating I sort out the night before what I'll need in the morning which helped. I can visualise to such a degree that once I have a visual of what's happening next or how the day will play out, it's actually more difficult not to follow through.
There's a few Autistic differences involved to work with which have strengths and limits such as the need for Resolve (which appears like rigidness) and the ability to hyper-focus, which is also the ability to get completely lost in the moment.
Autistics tend to have a relationship with Aion/Kairos while our NeuroTypical peers with Chronos or choronological time. Aion-Kairos is this sense of Eternal / Present or - past, present and future in the Now. It seems to be part of the Monotropic brain. Both have value, but society tends toward Chronos.
As for the morning, I might still pack my backpack at night and have an album of photos of outfits on my phone I'll look at before going to bed to make a decision with. This means a few times per year I might peel through what I have, work out what works together and take photos. Sometimes working out an exact routine on paper is useful to follow to stay focused and on task. I also found a mushroom compound helped greatly with focus and for better concentration. But I still need that task list to follow if on a tight morning schedule. These are all best worked out in advance. A saying in my house is now, "Luck favours the Prepared".
Some great ideas, thank you!