Published on 12, July, 2020
I need some help/guidance. I really would like to push myself into actually having an adult life. I don’t go out, and if I do then it’s for appointments or seeing family.
I thought about joining online dating again…I considered signing up to eHarmony but even though I love how I’m depth it is, the price to be able to see more things is ridiculous! Over £100!!! And that’s only for 6 months then they have 12 & 24 I think they don’t have monthly…
I tried to look on other dating sites but their just the same. I feel like I will never find anyone (since I don’t go out) and I don’t want to be a virgin for the rest of my life *sighs* sometimes I wish I was in one of my romance books x
You sound quite young so I don't think you should imagine being a virgin forever at this stage! I thought I would be, but I'm in the process of getting married (aged thirty-nine!).
I had mixed success with dating sites. I did not get many responses or interest in my profile. I did get a couple of dates, but not many. However, two of them turned into relationships that lasted a number of months. I met my fiancee elsewhere, though, so on the whole dating sites were not a great success for me, and I know other people who fared even worse. They are pretty expensive too.
Have you thought of trying to work on finding other ways to go out? Maybe you'll meet someone spontaneously if you do. Volunteering can be a good way of getting out, meeting people and feeling like you're giving something back to the community. I found it good for me to "socialise" in a situation where there's a common task and therefore less need to engage in the dreaded small talk.
I am 28 years old…I know it’s probably still young but when you sometimes see people who you use to go to school with, is having children etc…I don’t know.
What’s annoying is when I do go into relationships I get this panicked feeling…my brain over thinks things and starts thinking “is this the guy I will be spending the rest of my life with???” And I then end up breaking up with them.
As for volunteering, I would love to volunteer but apparently you need references from somewhere you have work (which I’ve never worked) to be able to volunteer now *sighs*
I don’t know how I will spontaneously find someone when o don’t go out, I don’t understand most of what other adults say…so I can’t see myself finding someone tbh *sighs*
Thats why I was thinking dating apps, but to get to the stuff you need to help you find someone you have to spend money *sighs* which is what I don’t have.
I have been trying to push myself to get more qualifications to link to the childcare qualification that I did years ago…but I’m not even sure I will be able to do that.
I am just clueless and hopeless at the moment x
I should probably have guessed your age from your username! Yes, it is hard when peers move on with their lives. I still struggle with this A LOT in many ways, so you are not alone.
The panicked feeling: I think you have to fight the urge to over-think and just ask yourself "Am I happy right now?" at least in the early stages of a relationship.
Volunteering: I had not heard this before! I volunteer and wasn't asked for references. Maybe it's different where you are, or where you were looking to volunteer. I would look around for somewhere that doesn't require references or explain you haven't worked and ask if a character reference from someone you know might be suitable or even some kind of probationary period instead.
Not going out, not knowing what to say: I used to feel exactly the same, but I met my fiancee in a crazy way (she found my blog) and we don't speak to each other like "other adults" (we think she might be neurodivergent too, but we didn't know that at first). My point is, don't give up hope, it can happen, probably when you least expect it!
I believe there are autistic dating sites out there.
Getting more qualifications sounds positive. You don't sound "clueless and hopeless" at all, it's just hard to find a way forward sometimes.