Autism and ADHD

I can completely relate to this - I have autism and ADHD diagnoses (late, at 54) and the push - pull of the two is definitely something I understand.  Can set up amazing organisational systems but cannot sustain them.  It is very challenging, and tiring.  Medication can help with the ADHD.

I do feel there are contradictions inside me but I don't know how much I'm looking at typical presentations of both. I dont have an adhd diagnosis.

I dont naturally have a fixed routine unless externally imposed but do function better with one or with given deadlines. I love being around people but find it exhausting. I'm a stickler for time but always on the minutes or late. I'd like a tidy house but it's a real effort. I come across as very organised but again it's a huge effort. My paid work is to a very high standard but I struggle with life admin. I can start one task and get distracted by something else. I struggle to prioritise tasks and thoughts. I can simultaneously get stuck looping on one thought and/or have millions swirling around at once. Im inflexible to change but can get bored and like being spontaneous in the right context. 

Things which make me wonder not is that I wasn't disruptive at school at all and my spoken words are often carefully considered. (Accounts of adhd mention the talkative aspect and my adhd friends seem to have no filter. I very much have one). I can't relate to a lot of things I read about autism such as routine etc but know i am autistic and the report says so....and we all have our own experiences anyway. 

There are so many cross overs with neurodivergent conditions in general it's difficult to know where they begin and end. Also there's taking into account individual personality and preferences.

Ying and yang describes it well. 

Sorry I didn’t reply to this previously, too much going on in my brain and I tend to push things away. I am quite accident prone though, I can’t turn a light on without spilling the tea that I’m holding. Or concentrate while talking to someone and watch where I’m going, just a few things off the top of my head. But I can cook a fry up and have multiple things on the go and time it all perfectly. But my house is a huge disorganised mess and I constantly lose things. Yet I have a little area where I sit that everything has to be lined up, and I do this without thinking. It’s like the asd wants my house to be tidy and organised but the adad can’t do that and is a chaotic mess. I have special interests but more in the adhd side, I’ll obsessively study or learn something new, it can be 48hrs or a number of weeks, but I’ll randomly get interested in something else and drop it like a hat and focus on the new things. Intense interest but then boredom and need something new. My asd side doesn’t want to interact with people and can’t see the need for small talk, my adhd side gets lonely and wants to be around people - then when I try the asd pops right back up and makes me want to back away and not go back. It’s a constant push and pull of both sides and it’s making me so tired and drained now. 

Hi Elise, I’m not sure if your reply was to my post or to Number, but I already have an asd diagnosis. I just don’t want to go through another assessment for adhd. I feel I kind of know I am anyway and as I have no interest in asking for meds (which I was told would lessen the adhd and more of the autism traits would come through) there’s no help for either so I don’t see the point. But I do agree with you, it would have been helpful if they could have been diagnosed at the same time, but the psychiatrist who diagnosed me only specialised in asd unfortunately. 

Hello Elise.

Thanks for your contribution here.  I never want to leave my own brain (I enjoy the fundamentals of it too much)  but I do wish I could slow it the hell down to enable some focus and flow.

I'm a decade or so older than you....my journey into "what the hell is wrong with me" started at your age.

You spoke very wise words above (in my opinion) by saying get ADHD assessment first.  Did you do that?

You also spoke naively above too (in my opinion and with respect) by saying that you find it hard to find support BECAUSE you have both.  I have come to the very firm conclusion that there is simply NO support for a late diagnosed autist.....whereas someone with an attention deficit diagnosis does have the hope and potential help of drugs (Ritalin etc). That's where I'm at.

Booze and sleep deprivation seem to be the only "accessible" things that can offer me some reprieve from myself.  Nether are good for you.  I quit booze last summer, but have just awoken from 13 hrs sleep....following 44 hours of none.

I hope that an AD diagnosis will allow me to swap sleep deprivation with the occasional pill or two.

Where are you currently at Elise in your thoughts?

Nice to make your accaintence.

Number.

Hi, just wanted to say I feel your pain - I often wish I could jump inside someone else’s head for a break! I have both and am a weird mix of traits that makes it hard to find support. I find it frustrating that the two can’t be assessed at the same time. I’d get an adhd assessment first if you can because I was told they can’t always see all the autistic traits until adhd meds are taken (apparently adhd masks some of the autistic traits). Otherwise I guess it’s just being aware of what the contradictions are so you can keep raising adhd in your assessment and they can consider this alongside autism, rather than jumping to the ‘not autistic’ conclusion. Good luck with it all. 

Evenin' Zoe.

This is a hot potato topic for me at the moment.  I still haven't reached the bottom of my thoughts on this yet but I am balls deep in at this point.  Currently, I am of the probable opinion that my AD traits (inc. PDA [if you want to believe that exists]) are at the root of most of my self destructive and damaging behaviours and limitations......whereas the fundamental wiring of my brain and mode of my thinking are at the root of most of my impressive behaviours and achievements.  I'm beginning to feel a bit of ying and yang on this topic.

This is the rambling of a confused soul.....so I would pay far more heed to the likes of Juniper on these matters - to whom I have often paid my thanks to for the excellent insight and research links provided.

Thanks for raising this Zoe - I will be reading with interest.

I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment still. The waiting list is huge and my right to choose one keeps getting lost.

I can relate to these though. get so excited I do or say something I regret then think about it for a long time after. Sometimes years later it'll pop back into my mind and it's like reliving the humiliation all over again and second guessing everything. It's tiring.

I've happened across a good deal of research on this. There are 2 similarities at a fundamental value which makes us quite similar to our ADHD friends:

1. Similar Salience Network: the capacity to experience life without a filter or perceive things as 'too real'

2. Monotropism. Our ADHD friends have the same capacity to hyper-focus or jump into a flow state. 

Unlike them, we can be accident prone if not doing one thing at a time and might find interruptions feel like being hit by a plank from back of the head. We might have a strong capacity for deep/slow thinking and they might have a strong capacity for fast thinking: https://modelthinkers.com/mental-model/fast-and-slow-thinking 

But when young, we both can experience a sort of 'brain fog' or lack of focus. 

The impact you feel matches the expression you've given. Neurotics have a brain 'design' to filter out unwanted signals or, as I like to say dull their senses. This has both positive and negative impacts. But somehow they've managed to turn expressionless or apathetic into something 'cool'. So, I'd suggest to share your emotions loudly and openly (as appropriations dictates) when surrounding yourself with a room full of Autistic and ADHD friends, who will appreciate how impacted we can all be by life. 

Yes this happens with me too. In fact I’m sitting here remembering something that happened 10 years ago at a type of course, where I was so shy throughout the whole thing but then exceeded at a certain part and showed my elation. The way people looked at me still brings strong feelings of sadness and embarrassment even now :( 

I think it’s probably why as I’ve got older the excited part of me has been buried away because I’ve learned that it’s now always associated with negative feelings afterwards. Or maybe it’s because I don’t put myself in those situations anymore or interact with people so they can’t see it. 

First, they claim we aren't capable of showing emotion, then they accuse us of showing too much emotion. What a fixed game...

I've not been assessed for ADHD, though people who know me have said I show traits.

I understand your excitement,  I would be excited also. My excitement over things often leads to very embarrassing moments, that I obviously then have to constantly relive in my head.