Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m just wondering how many of those with an autism diagnosis, either also have an ADHD diagnosis, or it was mentioned at the assessment it may be worth getting assessed for it too? And how that means your ‘double’ diagnosis makes you differ from typical autism traits (yes I know it’s a spectrum but hopefully you get what I mean).
I guess I’m wondering if it may make people even more alienated from the autism community? For context it was mentioned to me at my assessment but I decided for the time being not to ask for an ADHD assessment as I couldn’t deal with the whole process. But the way both seem to clash in my head I think it pretty likely I am.
Which leads me on to the second part of this post. Very occasionally I’ll be completely over excited by something, and when I calm down I can look at it and see that I guess most adults maybe wouldn’t become that excited about something. But because it feels like people ignore or don’t join in with my elation, it makes me feel like such an idiot afterwards that I want to withdraw even more. A bit like the next day hangover where you are completely embarrassed about your behaviour. Though tbh when I look at it today, it was basically me being overly happy because I’d worked out how to do something (work wise) that I’d been struggling to find a solution for, for a few years. I had already been talking online about it with a few others in that field, and when I worked out the problem for myself the next day I posted about it in the same thread. Clearly showing how happy I was with lots of exclamation marks and probably not being entirely coherent, more of an over excited ramble. But the other half of me can’t work out if they all slowly took a few steps back away from the weirdo, or if they were annoyed that I’d found my own solution instead of doing what they told me to try (which I knew wouldn’t work).
I don’t even know the point of this post anymore, but I do know the clash of autism and adhd in my brain is driving me mad, and I’d quite like a day off thank you very much.
I've happened across a good deal of research on this. There are 2 similarities at a fundamental value which makes us quite similar to our ADHD friends:
1. Similar Salience Network: the capacity to experience life without a filter or perceive things as 'too real'
2. Monotropism. Our ADHD friends have the same capacity to hyper-focus or jump into a flow state.
Unlike them, we can be accident prone if not doing one thing at a time and might find interruptions feel like being hit by a plank from back of the head. We might have a strong capacity for deep/slow thinking and they might have a strong capacity for fast thinking: https://modelthinkers.com/mental-model/fast-and-slow-thinking
But when young, we both can experience a sort of 'brain fog' or lack of focus.
The impact you feel matches the expression you've given. Neurotics have a brain 'design' to filter out unwanted signals or, as I like to say dull their senses. This has both positive and negative impacts. But somehow they've managed to turn expressionless or apathetic into something 'cool'. So, I'd suggest to share your emotions loudly and openly (as appropriations dictates) when surrounding yourself with a room full of Autistic and ADHD friends, who will appreciate how impacted we can all be by life.
Sorry I didn’t reply to this previously, too much going on in my brain and I tend to push things away. I am quite accident prone though, I can’t turn a light on without spilling the tea that I’m holding. Or concentrate while talking to someone and watch where I’m going, just a few things off the top of my head. But I can cook a fry up and have multiple things on the go and time it all perfectly. But my house is a huge disorganised mess and I constantly lose things. Yet I have a little area where I sit that everything has to be lined up, and I do this without thinking. It’s like the asd wants my house to be tidy and organised but the adad can’t do that and is a chaotic mess. I have special interests but more in the adhd side, I’ll obsessively study or learn something new, it can be 48hrs or a number of weeks, but I’ll randomly get interested in something else and drop it like a hat and focus on the new things. Intense interest but then boredom and need something new. My asd side doesn’t want to interact with people and can’t see the need for small talk, my adhd side gets lonely and wants to be around people - then when I try the asd pops right back up and makes me want to back away and not go back. It’s a constant push and pull of both sides and it’s making me so tired and drained now.