The things that have helped you most?

• Staying off social media. *
• Not camoflaging/masking unless I absolutely have to.**
• Accept the stimming and just filter it into more subtle forms.
• Lean into comfort things, fluffy blankets, old movies, calm music etc.
• Give up meat and dairy,  andy anything else that is too difficult to digest, nothing wrong with topping up on fortified foods and multivitamins if you need to.
• Call people I'm going to meet on the phone before I meet them in person. ***
• Breaking down big tasks into lots of little pieces to prevent overwhelm/help executive dysfunction (BattyBats reminded me I do this so I stole it.)

_________________________________________________

Skip this next bit  tbh I just felt compelled to write explainations for some of them.

* I'm of the opinion everyone should be off social media anyway, since the advent of sites like MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Parler, Whisper, and TikTok the human psyche has been horribly damaged. The Ad for them should read "Want to invite a slury of cults into your house in the next 5 mins? Then YOU should join Social Media!" XD

** If I'm going to meet new people I weigh up the pros and cons of just being open about being autistic from the start. But I never mention it in forms unless I really have to, I like to have control over who does and doesn't know so a document just existing to get read by anyone willy nilly is not something I want out there. AFAIC it's my diagnosis my business, nobody else's. If I don't want to mask or the mask slips and they think I'm a bit odd so be it, I'll deal with that when I'm good and ready. But Almost everyone outside of a professional work related setting just gets hit with it right off the bat like "Hi I'm Sam, if I do or say anything that seems like it could be a bit autistic that's because I am."

*** Because I don't have to look them in the eyes on the phone or worry about what I look like, I find it helpful to have a polite chat even if it's just a short "Hi _name_, I'm just calling to confirm our meeting is in _location_, and at _time_ is that correct? Yes okay then, that's great, thank you, see you then." and after that goes well they are 1, not a total stranger anymore, and 2, because their tone will be pleasant I can chase away thoughts that they must instantly hate me for no apparent reason when we actually meet face to face, which makes teh actual meeting more relaxed.
If there is more than one person in the actual meeting I will just focus on the person I already spoke to on the phone, and give a courtesy glance at teh other person only when they speak specifically.

The advice about staying off all social media is a good one, especially post-Covid - my younger cousin and her husband , (although non-autistic) are traditional Irish Catholic patriots and have a young family and are determined to raise them in the traditional way, as our grandparents would have done in my home County in Rural Ireland - the eldest of 3 is 10 now and my cousin ditched all of her tech devices and quit her job after her first child was born to become a full time mother despite the financial pressures involved - there is no TV, Internet/broadband, radio, newspapers nor mobile phones at all allowed in the family home, the family, being devout traditional Catholics, pray the Rosary in Latin together as a family daily and attend Traditional Latin Mass as a family every Sunday - the children are all homeschooled, learn all about Irish history and go on pilgrimages to Knock Shrine, Croagh Patrick, Lough Derg and go to the Gaeltacht every summer, so are all fluent Irish Gaelic speakers and are a credit to her, very well behaved, will not be going to university and will enter a trade when they are old enough - they will only be deemed to become adults when they reach the age of 21 and (not) 16 or 18 and they also have daily chores that they must complete before 6pm, as my cousin and her husband want to instill discipline and traditional moral and social values, about which they are totally uncompromising yet correct 

The advice about staying off all social media is a good one, especially post-Covid - my younger cousin and her husband , (although non-autistic) are traditional Irish Catholic patriots and have a young family and are determined to raise them in the traditional way, as our grandparents would have done in my home County in Rural Ireland - the eldest of 3 is 10 now and my cousin ditched all of her tech devices and quit her job after her first child was born to become a full time mother despite the financial pressures involved - there is no TV, Internet/broadband, radio, newspapers nor mobile phones at all allowed in the family home, the family, being devout traditional Catholics, pray the Rosary in Latin together as a family daily and attend Traditional Latin Mass as a family every Sunday - the children are all homeschooled, learn all about Irish history and go on pilgrimages to Knock Shrine, Croagh Patrick, Lough Derg and go to the Gaeltacht every summer, so are all fluent Irish Gaelic speakers and are a credit to her, very well behaved, will not be going to university and will enter a trade when they are old enough - they will only be deemed to become adults when they reach the age of 21 and (not) 16 or 18 and they also have daily chores that they must complete before 6pm, as my cousin and her husband want to instill discipline and traditional moral and social values, about which they are totally uncompromising yet correct 

Oakling said:

Alone time. This is a chance for me to stim, explore hobbies and explore my special interests. This time is important and purely for me.

i dont get enough of that 

The Empire says so. 

I Sperg said:

When their governments then decided to smash up their previous societal model based on productivity and invention and the nuclear family unit, with one based on abitrary and ever changing rules where the only constant is the never ending attack on all that was considered good & wholesome before.

We have had thousands of years of human history now, and there have been many prophets, gurus and seers along the way who have taken a really, really good stab at whomping up a framework for how humans should live, and the routes to self destructions and mayhem are clearly signposted now, yet thus of us who sin, (or violate those common sense precepts in some way, if you prefer) still loudly insist on or right to do it openly, and ignore the rights of others to not be exposed to our weakness.

We now take PRIDE in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality.

I Sperg said:

Should kindergarten kids be shown how to twerk, weild a firearm  or pack a bong? Really? 

This is a really hyperbolic and unhelpful response, you really didn't need to say all that just to say you hate mainstream societal progress.

I'd ask Who this "their governments" are and for an actualy working example of how they  "smash up their previous societal model" but this is really off topic to the discussion about what helps people individually as autists. Making the jump from a respectful aknowledgement of religious difference affecting our personal upbringing  between me and IrishInManchester to inserting a political slant is just going to derail this thread and feels like it's done in bad faith.

You're welcome to DM me (my DMs are open) what you really think but out of respect for  JT  I'm not going to discuss this with you further on this thread.

I Sperg said:

thus of us who sin, (or violate those common sense precepts in some way, if you prefer) still loudly insist on or right to do it openly, and ignore the rights of others to not be exposed to our weakness.

We now take PRIDE in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality

'Sin' is a religious concept - a transgression against divine law.

Therefore, it's a personal thing.

The same with 'common sense' precepts - I wonder if your common sense and mine are the same.

With regard to 'pride in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality' I would be very interested to hear an explanation of what you mean.

I personally find posts like this elliptical so I can't grasp what essentially is being talked about - 'sin' ... 'commonsense' ...'morality' ...

Aren't these all relative?

? Which people (ie what groups, sectors of society) who 'violate' the 'common sense precepts' of others,  'loudly insist on the right to do it openly' .. ? 

Who are these people, what are they doing?

We all have a differing views of what is acceptable and what isn't, what's  right and wrong, what's natural or unnatural..

A little clarification of what/which groups of society you are really talking about would be helpful.

I was always struck by the expression "Give me the child and I will show you the man". 

Children are essentially trainable and malleable up to a certain age, when they start moving towards being capable of making their own decisions.

"Parenting, is simply too important to be left to the likes of you and me", is how some people interpreted that, so we got schools, in order to train our children to take their place in society.

The problem with that approach is that "education" was hijacked to instead of producing rounded individuals to produce COMPLIANT individuals, incapable of effectively resisting authority, or standing up for themselves.

When their governments then decided to smash up their previous societal model based on productivity and invention and the nuclear family unit, with one based on abitrary and ever changing rules where the only constant is the never ending attack on all that was considered good & wholesome before.

We have had thousands of years of human history now, and there have been many prophets, gurus and seers along the way who have taken a really, really good stab at whomping up a framework for how humans should live, and the routes to self destructions and mayhem are clearly signposted now, yet thus of us who sin, (or violate those common sense precepts in some way, if you prefer) still loudly insist on or right to do it openly, and ignore the rights of others to not be exposed to our weakness.

We now take PRIDE in our violations of commonsense, time held traditions and morality.

Some of us will see this as a thinly veiled attack on their special interests community, when it genuinely isn't. I am making a plea that those of us who live at the edge of the bellcurve accept our position and don't feel we have the right to indoctrinate children into our niche view of the world.

I walked the walk. In variance to all the other pot smoking parents I know, (especially those who so virtuously turned their back on the stuff) my kid doesn't take drugs.

Should kindergarten kids be shown how to twerk, weild a firearm  or pack a bong? Really? 

It's an interesting observation.

But I still feel a controlled exposure at age appropriate intervals to various internet phenomenon is the way to go tbh, you can't just open the flood gates at an arbirary age and expect young people to cope with the innevitable culture shock that will occur from being rapidly exposed to things they haven't beeen coached and prepared for. This is why sex education in schools has been key to reducing teen pregnancies and std transmission. Because it's not that all these things never happened before, the paradox of the internet just means we hear about it more, but it was always going on. Kids might have mental health issues as a result of the internet but that never stopped teens becoming mentally ill before the internet, I recall there was a school shooting not far from here in the late 80's, and the reason that was cited behind it was pyschological damage from isolation from peers. And I don't think keeping kids entirely away from activities their modern peers consider vital until they are adults to be good for either their sense of community wellbeing or social development with wider society.
I respect you are very religious, and probably the religion at least provides some form of community for the kids in it, but outside of certain religious groups with an active support network, for other faiths or even just atheists I don't see how it would work.

I’d even be concerned about allowing any 16-18 year olds anywhere near the internet/mobile phones these days compared to how it was even in Y2K (the year 2000) as I’ve come to realise that a child is a child until they are 21 for everything - below that age, parents must educate themselves and thier children on the inherent dangers of science and tech “advances” as well as social media etc, as the changes brought about by Covid has taught us all about so many things - I’m also seeing a rise in parents choosing to homeschool thier children which I hear a lot about because of my 30 years previous experience in supermarket retailing - religion and tradition aside, the fact that children’s mental health is poorer than in my teens in the 1980’s is hugely concerning and I’ve come to realise that it’s because of these devices, which our grandparents were totally opposed to us kids having at all and they went to great lengths to put a stop to it during my teens in the 1980’s before they passed and it’s mind-blowing that so many of thier warnings and predictions have been consistently proven correct and accurate in our times 

It's not a religious or a traditionalist thing for me though. It's purely a mental health thing, and technically these old style forums are a form of social media too it's just the modern platforms are designed to be addictive and influence people and manufacture outrage where none need exist. I'll probably let my son on the internet free-range at 16-18 as that's the age I did and it did me no harm, I already knew who I was by that age and the unqualified opinion of haters online couldn't dent it by that age. I do think modern parents make a mistake letting kids online at 10-13 though, that's when they are most susceptable to bigotry, body image nonsense, predators, and extremist rubbish.