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Lost please help

Seejai

After years of mental health issues I've recently come to realise I'm probably autistic. Reading a few books it's like coming face to face with my life story and the tests I've done say the same thing.

I'm not doing too well at the moment and I've got nobody to turn to. Could really do with some advice please?

How do I know if this is me being crazy or I'm actually on the spectrum? I know that formal diagnosis would be really hard to get but I'm worried I'm not doing the right things to manage myself. What did anyone else do?

I'm really struggling right now - keep getting overwhelmed (can't speak or think), emotions all over the place, poor sleep, more sensitive to sound and light, can only manage the basics day to day, avoiding people, suicidal. It doesn't feel like I'm depressed though. I try to keep my exercise and coping stuff going but I'm not getting better. Any tips?

I've read about burnout and how masking makes it more likely, but although I'm conscious I'm a pretend version of me in public, I've been doing it so long I wouldn't have a clue what the real me was. I'm hoping it's not the one that sits at home alone crying. Where do I even start?

  • Note that you very much aren't alone. I have been exactly where you are a few times before diagnosis. So welcome, keep reaching out, ask us all what things pop up that you may be wondering 'is this typical or does this make me autistic', it really helps over time.

    Calm yourself by deep slow breathing and look up, the sun will still rise each morning and you should definitely be there to see it

    As bleak as things feel now please trust that this too shall pass. Your brain is opening new pathways in finding itself, this is an uncomfortable feeling and brings about intense emotions, so don't expect it to be any easier for you. But you can do it, if we all can then so can you. Breathe

    ...and keep reaching out Thumbsup

  • I'm not the best at giving advice, but I would recommend speaking to a GP or mental health professional, explain your situation to them, why you think you might be autistic and they might help you by referring you for an assignment. 

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    Thanks everybody for your replies. I'm afraid I got a bit overwhelmed with stuff and didn't realise I hadn't come back to say thank you. Sorry :-(

  • Welcome to the community. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much at the moment.

    A formal diagnosis can be helpful at any age. If you do decide to seek a referral go armed with the results of the online tests and details of why you believe you're autistic. Waiting lists are long unfortunately. You can decide to self identify as autistic if your prefer.

    There are some useful resources here for starting your autistic discovery journey.

    https://aucademy.co.uk/starting-your-autistic-discovery-journey/

    Your current state does sound like autistic burnout. All of those things I have experienced myself. Here are some further resources I have bookmarked:

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/2018/05/an-autistic-burnout/

    https://stimpunks.org/burnout/

    In essence rest and reducing sensory input can help. Also routines and ensuring you make time to focus on what interests you. Life is challenging and there are no easy answers unfortunately. Sometimes I think I have reached a stage of permanent burnout but there are glimmers of hope and reasons to keep going.

    The real you is the one you were as a young child, Before you were invalidated and marginalised for being different. That person is still there. However it is certainly not simple to discard our masks. As you rightly point out they've been in place so long that they have become largely automatic and not consciously used. 

    https://theautisticadvocate.com/autistic-masking/

  • in reply to Deleted User

    NOONE is a distinct improvement on EVRYTWAT his predeccessor...

  • in reply to I Sperg

    Wow - someone can get away with criticising and censuring  you - and his name is NOONE *(He's probably a long lost cousin of Number?!)

  • I I were in your situation I'd want to know as soon as possible. 

    I was (at age  59) and so I did by getting the aspergertestsite test done.

    Once I had a string indication, I booked the NHS messabout, and chivvied them along for a couple of months until they did my assessment "quickly" to shut me up. I was 59 I needed to know..

    There's no help from the NHS anyway, so it's a bit of a waste of time TBF, but once you know, you can start helping yourself a bit.

    For example, NOONE gets away with criticising me or censuring me for the stuff I cannot help any more

    . 

  • Hello and welcome to the community.

    I am certainly not claiming to have advice but I will share my train of thought with you in the hopes that you might find it useful.

    You are not crazy, you feel different and you believe that how you feel can be explained through ASD. You know yourself better than your GP most likely so whether you get an assessment or not, make an educated guess that you are who you think you are.

    There is a lot to untangle during your journey of self discovery and it is overwhelming in addition to the already overwhelming day to day life, so don't try to fix everything all at once, you are still human and you owe it to yourself to accept and be kind to yourself, so start small and focus.

    What is the one thing I can control and fix tonight, perhaps a good night sleep?, Try some breathing exercises to help you do that. You will rest, your mind will get the time it needs to recharge and start processing everything one at a time not all at once, and if you can't fix one problem, try the next or try asking for help (as you have done in this post!)

    You are certainly not alone and I wish you all the strength that you need to emerge whole from the other side.

  • Hi , I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time. It’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.  

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111 to reach the NHS 111 service: 

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

    You can find more information here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    With best wishes,

    Anna Mod

  • I’m in a somewhat similar situation I think. I’ve struggled with my mental health for most of my life and am constantly anxious and overwhelmed at the moment. I’ve had some very dark times but I also don’t really feel depressed. My suicidal moments have been more due to sheer exhaustion and a feeling that I will never be able to leave anxiety behind me.

    it’s this that has made my mind up about asking for an assessment. I’ve been going back and forth for years and still have doubts although also lots of things point towards ASC.

    I understand about putting on a show for the world and I still feel like everyone else must be doing this too, but maybe not, I don’t know. 

    i’m not sure I have any advice I can give but I just wanted to say that this sounds familiar and I understand some of what you are having to deal with.

    You’ve inspired me to start to think about who the ‘real me’ might be as well, that is when I’ve felt most at peace and free. For what its worth, I don’t think the real you is alone and crying at home.