Published on 12, July, 2020
Mentally, physically and it just gets worse as life goes on. I’ve had a crap day, cried a lot, I’m exhausted. More and more I seem to shout ‘it’s always something!’. Because it is, just when you think you’ve got everything out of the way something new pops up, something breaks, forgot to pay for something, appt coming up you don’t want to go to, something wrong with health, just bl&£dy something all of the time. Just when you think it’s actually quiet, some idiot will start being loud in their garden, some neighbours will make noise for days on end, someone will start road works, something will be wrong with the car. Exhaustion. I want, need a simpler life. But it’s never going to happen. Even those very small fleeting moments of finding something funny or saying something funny seem so false. I’m so tired and everything seems so pointless.
Thanks for replying everyone. I wear loop earplugs a lot and they do help. But I also begrudge having to wear them as much as I do. Sometimes I want to listen to youtube to learn something about my earphones mean I can still hear external noises, and then that’s all I can zone in on so end up getting annoyed because I can’t listen to what I wanted to. And the external noise is just a part of everything at the moment. It’s life being too much and demanding too much from me.
I wish I could pause everything and go and sit in a hut in a middle of a field and not have to deal with everything. Without the worry that when I came back it had all built up and I had even more to deal with.
As much as I've become obsessed with a band I haven't at all mentioned 40,000 times on here in the past week, I secretly realise that by wearing earphones & playing their music at tinnitus-defeating volume I'm actually shutting the world out deliberately.
Yes I do this when I work. I have listened to David Bowie best hits on repeat for the last 6 months, actually it’s longer than 6 months I’m sure. But I always listen to it loudly, as you say it blocks out life. When I was my in my teens it was the same, I would never leave the house without my little cassette player and headphones. But my ears get irritated by wearing my earphones for too long. And I don’t like wearing over the ears headphones anymore. And when life gets too much I find I don’t really want to listen music at all.
Exactly.
Bowie is the answer to everything - my ship in a storm when life is too much...