Published on 12, July, 2020
Mentally, physically and it just gets worse as life goes on. I’ve had a crap day, cried a lot, I’m exhausted. More and more I seem to shout ‘it’s always something!’. Because it is, just when you think you’ve got everything out of the way something new pops up, something breaks, forgot to pay for something, appt coming up you don’t want to go to, something wrong with health, just bl&£dy something all of the time. Just when you think it’s actually quiet, some idiot will start being loud in their garden, some neighbours will make noise for days on end, someone will start road works, something will be wrong with the car. Exhaustion. I want, need a simpler life. But it’s never going to happen. Even those very small fleeting moments of finding something funny or saying something funny seem so false. I’m so tired and everything seems so pointless.
Thanks for replying everyone. I wear loop earplugs a lot and they do help. But I also begrudge having to wear them as much as I do. Sometimes I want to listen to youtube to learn something about my earphones mean I can still hear external noises, and then that’s all I can zone in on so end up getting annoyed because I can’t listen to what I wanted to. And the external noise is just a part of everything at the moment. It’s life being too much and demanding too much from me.
I wish I could pause everything and go and sit in a hut in a middle of a field and not have to deal with everything. Without the worry that when I came back it had all built up and I had even more to deal with.
Have you tried noise cancelling earbuds? Bose and Sony are supposed to be the best but they're expensive (£150 upwards). Other brands are cheaper but not as effective at active noise cancellation. I wish I hadn't hesitated so long about getting them, as they really do make a difference at blocking out some (not all unfortunately) external noises.
Maybe a few days away from home would help restore some calm in your mind. I find that helps me, my version of sitting in a hut in a field! There are some really good value caravan holidays available for when the parks reopen next month (£49 for 4 nights).
I appreciate how difficult it is to come back and find, not only the situation at home has not improved, some other problem has arisen too. Life does feel like a constant battle and when you're trying to battle alone it's tough.
Can you not go and sit in a hut in the middle of a field?
As much as I've become obsessed with a band I haven't at all mentioned 40,000 times on here in the past week, I secretly realise that by wearing earphones & playing their music at tinnitus-defeating volume I'm actually shutting the world out deliberately.