Brain not allowing you to be happy

Wow that is really profound, has certainly given me a lot to think about. Its possible you could be right 

I do struggle with negativity and my brain does not often recognise happy situations. Overthinking the negative things in my life occurs regularly. I found your post really interesting and relate to alot of it. I was diagnosed last december and I'm still getting used to the idea so reading the posts is really helpful and enlightening.

I am in that boat, now. 

I need rest, but can't settle down. 

I know that feeling all too well, too. It's a constant battle to argue against it to redress the balance between negativity and positivity in my mind and thereby restore some degree of rationality...

I know this feeling all too well. I have been fighting it lately myself, so I completely understand ;w;

The gremlin said a rude word which basically means bad!! Didn’t realise there was an auto editor thing.  

Yep, absolutely. I completely get that. It’s like a little gremlin in my mind that pops up at random times and says “Hey, don’t forget you’re supposed to be feeling *** right now”. Often there is some underlying anxiety about something that I’m barely aware of. 

Looks like your brain is trying to protect you in some way, rather than work against you. 

Maybe it feels that if you were happy, but then got disappointed that it would mean two extremes. Happy to upset, and your brain is wanting you to avoid a mega meltdown. 

It sounds like you have build this up slowly over time as a defence mechanism. 

Perhaps you are finding that instead of being too upset or too happy at things that overall you might be trying to make yourself content , safe and ready for anything that may crop up.  

So ask yourself, are you okay about that? and are you accepting of what your brain is doing? if so then there is no need to worry. Maybe your brain is just wanting a nice balance instead of extremes. It is a coping mechanism too perhaps? 

Never enter the Jungle without a Guide. 

It isn't necessarily wholly negative though, because we've grown so used to having to anticipate others' reactions in order to be what they expect us to be, that we're always on red-alert.

Thank you, these replies are such a comfort to me, to know that there are other brains out there like mine

Its stuff like this that I will miss the most while I take a break from this forum

Unknown said:

I just know I have a very noisy head even at rest

This is exactly how I feel! No one's ever explained it that well before 

No I don't get a lot of time to myself

The mind is conniving; at times. 

I think it takes a long time for me to catch up with how I’m feeling. Often, something incredible will be happening in front of me and I don’t really register anything in terms of emotions. It’s later that I then feel those things. It can be hours, days, weeks and even, with some specific feelings, months later some times. I find understanding my own feelings quite challenging though in fairness. I definitely feel things. Quite strongly in fact. Sometimes too strongly. I just often can’t vocalise or even internally explain what it is I’m feeling. Somethings feel ‘right’ and good. Others, ‘wrong’ and bad. It’s only after I have caught up, however long that takes, when I can see the nuances in between good and bad and speak more in depth about it all. I think this delay has often led me to believe that ‘I can’t be happy’ or that I’m sad etc. I’m starting to see that I’m just on a bit of a delay and the words and appropriate expressions come later. I hope this makes some sort of sense, but perhaps it doesn’t.

It feels like a battle sometimes. The older I get the more negative thoughts seem to arrive.

I overthink a lot because I know sometimes things go wrong so at least I am prepared. I am trying not to think of the possibility of things going wrong when I do the simplest thing. I try to remember to feel gratitude when I return home and nothing went wrong.

When I go for a walk I enjoy listening to birds, but often find myself also noticing negative things like people running car engines while stationary and it annoys me.

The worst time is in bed especially when I am tired already. 

I wish I could stop thinking about many things that don't need thinking about. I wish I could be more positive. As a Christian I try to counteract the negativity with positive verses of scripture. 

I do wonder sometimes what it would be like to be someone who finds the positive in lots of things.

Hi Roy, 

I've been lucky that I've never had such a meltdown. I've had moments at work where in private conversation I've ranted, sworn and cry from frustration because I can't get people to understand me. About 4 years ago i have a severe depressive episode that lasted 19 months, way longer than anything id experienced before. I wonder if that was Burnout. I've never fully recovered from it, Luke a lost a piece of myself. I don't think we turn everything into impending doom, it's just that when everything feels too complicated and scary, it's so easy to fixate on the negatives. Not because we want to, but because we are so desperate to avoid them. I also have problems with sleep, and I do have pills for it but only take them when I'm desperate. This is because I already take painkillers, and it's one of my fantasy plans that I leave this world through taking pills, and I'm trying to remove the temptation. Life does feel far too complicated to navigate, like being alone in a dark forest at night, and every sound or shadow is potential danger.

I can really relate to how you function. I had a meltdown from hell about a year ago, it was the full 4 horsemen of the apocalypse. Since then I’ve been stuck in a burnout, I have no interest in anything. My brain is in conversation with me non stop analysing every event in my life. That’s while music is normally playing in my head as well. My wife believes I turn everything into impending doom. Sleep is only achieved with sleeping pills, they only last for 3 hours and then  Groundhog Day again. 

It does feel like my brain is my worst enemy, the never-ending noise, plus my conversations with myself. I over think and over analyse also, and definitely work myself up. Sometimes when good things happen it's hard to appreciate it, wondering what will go wrong or how I will mess it up. But also I love being in my own head, with my conversations and playing with my imagination. It's a very complicated and conflicting relationship. 

I feel sometimes it's a daily battle with my brain. Have you ever tried mediation?  When ive been consistent with it, I find it takes the edge off but you have to do it consistently. When life starts getting busy that's when it usually trails off...when I probably need to do it most. 

On paper, I have a really simple life but still struggle.  If people asked well what do you struggle with, I wouodnt actually know what to say. I just know I have a very noisy head even at rest. I thought everyone was like this but I asked my partner and he says he doesn't. 

Do you get time on your own to do your own thing? Away from family and work? If you are feeling burnt out, that can have a massive impact on mood and emotions.