Published on 12, July, 2020
...of being autistic.
Just finished a short online meeting, where I didn't have to do much except say one thing for AOB at the end. Thankfully meetings are rare in my job, just every couple of months. But by the end of this thing, I was so tense in my core that I had to lie on my bed for five minutes to relieve the intense pain. Never sure if the online ones are better or worse than in person. Maybe better. I don't have to repress a stim, it's out of frame!
If I recall correctly, I think you mentioned something about assuming you'd responded to something/someone (e.g. a forum post) when you actually hadn't done so. My mum was like that, and I am the same. I feel so frustrated with myself sometimes.
Sometimes I struggle to process everything going on and forget to do certain things, like asking after people, or replying to them.
It could be like that for you. When there's lots going on it can be hard to keep track of everything.
I'm glad you're ok after a quick lie down - they can do the power of good really fast!
My power nap has helped, just waiting for the headache to go x
I am sorry for my behaviour, mate. I hope you're feeling much better now.
Yes, that sounds far from fun.
Thanks Luna. I was fine after my lie-down, but when I get like that in the office, reclining isn't an option! So I was glad to get those five horizontal minutes. Yours sounds much worse and I hope you feel better now, or at least soon
It seems a cop-out to blame autism for some of my behaviours but your post made me realise that *I didn't ask how Shard was* even though he'd posted about it above. I truly dislike how wrapped-up I can be, all too often, in my own narrowed focus. And even now, I am writing about myself again. Is autism responsible for all of this, or have I just been alone for too long? I can't tell. If it was ego then I'd admit it and work on it; sadly though, it's not a matter of personal vanity but, instead, something else.
Being overwhelmed by driving. The road home, from Dungannon, is a nightmare; at best of times. But the traffic diverted - for Cookstown - and Fibre Optic installation - heading to Coalisland - made it even worse.
My head's set to explode.
I hope you're ok now.
I get those feelings of intense pressure, it can be so debilitating and exhausting. Rest was defos a good move.
At the Nursery today I got in a similar state and had to go early, got home and led down straight away, massive headache has followed.
X
Related thing: I tried, a while back, to do one of those online tests in which you're evaluated by the time you take to click on the correct image(s). I didn't even know where to begin - I couldn't even understand the similarity or difference between what were simple lines and basic shapes. I even get flustered by the task of building coloured blocks, the kind a child plays with. And also those 'Identify which photo shows a residential house/skyscraper/car'-type captcha things. I'm so ignorant about autistic behaviours bar the standard ones that I don't know if these examples are relevant. God help me if I ever have to do that 'Tell a story using objects' test you once wrote (very well) about, Shard (I was using the forum's search facility last night and one of the related results was that thread).
Possibly unrelated thing: I don't know whether autism's responsible for this, or something else: today, the world seemed 'frozen' to me for a couple of hours. No noises outside, no traffic or people around whenever I looked outside, no new emails arrived, and even no new posts on this board. It was like the world had stopped. I would put all this down to mere coincidence or something like that but this kind of thing happens quite regularly to me. It's, perhaps, like the silence and stillnesss some people report when witnessing what they consider to be supernatural phenomena. Or - very loosely - a variation on the build-up before an epileptic fit. My aunt suffered those but I haven't.
I'm WFH today, I don't have a bed in the office. much as that would be nice.