anyone else in same boat? or not in the same boat? dont worry this question is not about boats! or being seasick lol. but about not working and no friends.

That's sad, I hope you're doing OK. Hopefully you feel you have friends on here. People who understand at any rate.

I've just had two young women from a local charity come to see me. I wrote them a cheque, a donation, over Christmas, and they've only just returned to work. I explained to them that i have no friends to leave things to, and my Sisters have conned me out of thousands, taking advantage of my autism. But there's still my house, hopefully  it's  not going to be sold you years yet.But i feel there's only a charity, not so called family. And not a single friend,

wow origami, that sounds so cool. 

Oh gosh I did once go to crotchet class, tea and cake were included in the price, the woman showed me several times how to do it .embarrassingly I just could not get it done right at all, I sat there like an idiot, and she showed me again and again, I just stood up and said I was just going to go and get my coffee and cake, and I went downstairs and bolted. 

yes, we would all make good friends :). Art and music is nice! I used to fold origami and also liked to sing though I haven't in a while. What kind of music do you like? Maybe there is something music related in your area that you could do? Or like you say something related to art :) fingerscrossed!! 

thank you.

I also felt like this when I was unable to work (for many years) or was doing voluntary work. Even now, I work part-time and feel that I have to tell people I "only" work part-time otherwise I feel guilty.

I hope you can make friends. I don't have many, but I'm lucky to have a few.

I used to get bullied for sounding posh at school, but I'm not sure why.

Thank you. It's precisely why I chose it. 

ps you have the best username. It sums up us autistics as we love sparkles. 

I am not sure. I think I would like to go somewhere local. But I will defo keep it in mind so thank you. 

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last guy I liked told me he liked me and had feelings for me, and he turned out to be a creep. he was dating other girls,

It is a sad fact of life that there are a lot of men (and also women) who like to keep their options open and 'play the field', but intentionally choose not to let the people they are dating know.

How can people treat other people like that? Hearts are too fragile to toy with. Yes, animals have no side-agenda, they won't let you down. 

Some NAS groups have local meets I think and there is an Autistic group on Facebook who have weekly zoom meetings, would something like those appeal to you?

thank you for that. It is a very good answer. 

wish we were neighbours. 

That's a point. If you can find an online small community for a hobby you're into, getting to know and trust those people over time might lead to a catch-up in person now and again. I joined a Discord group about 18 months ago, a Doctor Who one, and have since met up for coffee with one of its members who happens to live not too far from me (I actually recorded a podcast ep with him before that even, it's strange how things go sometimes). And I may meet some of the others at a specific convention in England when it next runs, if I can find the money and the nerve. But yes, that arm's length (so to speak) tentative getting to know people in an online safe-space can, with patience, lead to the sorts of fun catch-ups (and then week of recuperating!) that you mention. I'm the closest thing in this word to a hermit (partly choice, partly overwhelm), so my tiny social circle didn't happen overnight, but it did happen. And you seem way too nice for the universe not to send a friend your way... sooner or later.

I'm not sure if this will be of any consolation to you, but I also don't work. Whilst I have one friend living locally that I used to see fairly regularly, the last time I saw her was almost 4 years ago at my dad's funeral. She works and is what one might describe as a social butterfly (lots of friends that she tends to socialise with as part of a group).

My closest friend lives too far away for me to see regularly (the last time I saw her was also at my dad's funeral), so socialising is in the form of frequent Messenger exchanges. Although I have neighbours that I get along with, the only time we talk is when we're both outside at the same time. Neighbourly, but not to the extent of popping around each other's homes for a coffee and a chat.

I understand your fear of being asked what you do for a living and the stigma associated with not working. Maybe because of my age, I tend not to dwell too much on what other people may or may not think about me not being in a job. If people have an issue with the fact that I'm not working, my attitude is that it's their problem, not mine. I tend to be quite open and say I have health issues.

As for sounding 'posh', people in my area often think the same about me because my accent isn't the same as theirs (I wasn't born in the area where I currently live). The locals here tend not to pronounce the 'h' at the beginning of a word like 'has', whereas I do. They will also omit the 'g' from the end of words (i.e. 'goin' instead of 'going'), which I don't.

It's easier said than done but try not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people, and thinking that you should be more like them. In the past, I've had boyfriends that have worked, had nice cars, and owned their own homes. I have also had boyfriends who were unemployed, couldn't drive, and lived with their parents. It wasn't what they did or didn't have that was important to me, but what they were like as people.

I am busy looking after the squirrel, I like squirrels.  I bought her some hazel nuts to try today, she loved them. She also eats cashews, peanuts in shells, and pecans. 

I always had thought I would meet someone. 

but last guy I liked told me he liked me and had feelings for me, and he turned out to be a creep. he was dating other girls, horrible.

So thank goodness for wee animals to look out for .

That's something I also needed to hear today. I can feel freakishly anomalous sometimes, when in fact I'm just in a valid and even important minority. Standard media tropes don't help either. Society needs a pressure valve and that's those of us who live alone, don't actively seek to couple up, don't put more new people into the world, etc.

I liked getting dressed up wearing my best and going for a drink. I think that pretending to be NT is part of being true to myself as part of me is NT and I enjoyed it. But also liked the time at home afterwards to recover. Its like I saved my energy for all the excitement for an hour or two a week or a few hours a month then the rest of the time I live quietly. If I am making sense? I never really liked too much like a big crowd as I got shy and would sometimes do a runner. lol. And end up in a nearby cafe crying over a coffee. So my autistic self needs cared for so I planned my night out as best I could. 

Also in my experience, those friendships that last are the ones where you need to mask the least. You mention you miss “pretending to be NT for a few hours”- I used to do that a lot- pretend to be all social and happy when i met people (at time i was not diagnosed yet and had no idea i was autistic- so this was me putting on my social me)- It did feel good in a way but it is exhausting. I am still scared to be myself with a lot of people i met as i am scared that would stop them from liking me. And i am scared to let them see how messed up/depressed and burnt out i am- but that is also one of the reasons i can’t see anyone now- because i have no energy to pretend to be ok

aww thanks Ann, pitty all the people who answered me today that we sadly do not live near each other, if that was the case then I am sure we would all be friends. Thanks I do have interests like art (not very good at art) and music (that is my special subject). So maybe a creative club or something. I even like greeting card making.