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anyone else in same boat? or not in the same boat? dont worry this question is not about boats! or being seasick lol. but about not working and no friends.

Deleted too

I can't work due to autism and other related elements. 

I used to socialise a bit, when I say a bit maybe once a month, but I did make a friend once and we would meet up once a week after her work, and we would just go for one drink or even out to tea and have a laugh. but we are no longer friends and no longer in contact. I think she came across as an NT but I think she was autistic as she always texted me when she was seeing her boyfriend she kept asking me for reassurance, she kept thinking she would loose him. I told her to go to counselling (as her relationship anxiety was starting to ruin our friendship) but she took offence and cut off being friends with me. 

I had met this friend when I was at university, and now I dont have any friends. 

I am also scared of people who might ask me what I work as, I have came up with just saying that I do work on my computer from home so that I do not get the stigma of not working. But they will tell that I have little money as I live in a small studio flat. I like my flat, but people my age have one bedroom flats, are in a relationship with some nice guy, and out a few nights a week. 

I just sit at home, wondering how I am ever going to make friends again, as I am young for my age.

I do miss going out and pretending to be an NT for a few hours. 

I hate the stigma of not working or being autistic. 

I cant work due to meltdowns, I get bullied, I need time to recover and be quiet and no one wants someone that goes into the loo for an hour or more at a time to escape. 

I come across as posh or having class it is just the way I am even though I do not have money. 

Parents

  • I'm not sure if this will be of any consolation to you, but I also don't work. Whilst I have one friend living locally that I used to see fairly regularly, the last time I saw her was almost 4 years ago at my dad's funeral. She works and is what one might describe as a social butterfly (lots of friends that she tends to socialise with as part of a group).

    My closest friend lives too far away for me to see regularly (the last time I saw her was also at my dad's funeral), so socialising is in the form of frequent Messenger exchanges. Although I have neighbours that I get along with, the only time we talk is when we're both outside at the same time. Neighbourly, but not to the extent of popping around each other's homes for a coffee and a chat.

    I understand your fear of being asked what you do for a living and the stigma associated with not working. Maybe because of my age, I tend not to dwell too much on what other people may or may not think about me not being in a job. If people have an issue with the fact that I'm not working, my attitude is that it's their problem, not mine. I tend to be quite open and say I have health issues.

    As for sounding 'posh', people in my area often think the same about me because my accent isn't the same as theirs (I wasn't born in the area where I currently live). The locals here tend not to pronounce the 'h' at the beginning of a word like 'has', whereas I do. They will also omit the 'g' from the end of words (i.e. 'goin' instead of 'going'), which I don't.

    It's easier said than done but try not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people, and thinking that you should be more like them. In the past, I've had boyfriends that have worked, had nice cars, and owned their own homes. I have also had boyfriends who were unemployed, couldn't drive, and lived with their parents. It wasn't what they did or didn't have that was important to me, but what they were like as people.

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  • I'm not sure if this will be of any consolation to you, but I also don't work. Whilst I have one friend living locally that I used to see fairly regularly, the last time I saw her was almost 4 years ago at my dad's funeral. She works and is what one might describe as a social butterfly (lots of friends that she tends to socialise with as part of a group).

    My closest friend lives too far away for me to see regularly (the last time I saw her was also at my dad's funeral), so socialising is in the form of frequent Messenger exchanges. Although I have neighbours that I get along with, the only time we talk is when we're both outside at the same time. Neighbourly, but not to the extent of popping around each other's homes for a coffee and a chat.

    I understand your fear of being asked what you do for a living and the stigma associated with not working. Maybe because of my age, I tend not to dwell too much on what other people may or may not think about me not being in a job. If people have an issue with the fact that I'm not working, my attitude is that it's their problem, not mine. I tend to be quite open and say I have health issues.

    As for sounding 'posh', people in my area often think the same about me because my accent isn't the same as theirs (I wasn't born in the area where I currently live). The locals here tend not to pronounce the 'h' at the beginning of a word like 'has', whereas I do. They will also omit the 'g' from the end of words (i.e. 'goin' instead of 'going'), which I don't.

    It's easier said than done but try not to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to other people, and thinking that you should be more like them. In the past, I've had boyfriends that have worked, had nice cars, and owned their own homes. I have also had boyfriends who were unemployed, couldn't drive, and lived with their parents. It wasn't what they did or didn't have that was important to me, but what they were like as people.

Children