anyone else in same boat? or not in the same boat? dont worry this question is not about boats! or being seasick lol. but about not working and no friends.

I can't work due to autism and other related elements. 

I used to socialise a bit, when I say a bit maybe once a month, but I did make a friend once and we would meet up once a week after her work, and we would just go for one drink or even out to tea and have a laugh. but we are no longer friends and no longer in contact. I think she came across as an NT but I think she was autistic as she always texted me when she was seeing her boyfriend she kept asking me for reassurance, she kept thinking she would loose him. I told her to go to counselling (as her relationship anxiety was starting to ruin our friendship) but she took offence and cut off being friends with me. 

I had met this friend when I was at university, and now I dont have any friends. 

I am also scared of people who might ask me what I work as, I have came up with just saying that I do work on my computer from home so that I do not get the stigma of not working. But they will tell that I have little money as I live in a small studio flat. I like my flat, but people my age have one bedroom flats, are in a relationship with some nice guy, and out a few nights a week. 

I just sit at home, wondering how I am ever going to make friends again, as I am young for my age.

I do miss going out and pretending to be an NT for a few hours. 

I hate the stigma of not working or being autistic. 

I cant work due to meltdowns, I get bullied, I need time to recover and be quiet and no one wants someone that goes into the loo for an hour or more at a time to escape. 

I come across as posh or having class it is just the way I am even though I do not have money. 

Parents
  • Hi, Do you have any special interests or hobbies through which you can meet people?
    I know it’s not that easy- I also don’t have many friends and most of those I have, I met at university through common interests (science) but it is much harder to meet people after university and at this point I lack the energy to meet anyone (burnout), though I am constantly feeling very lonely which seems stupid. I feel too exhausted and too much of a mess to see people at moment (especially as I am not that close to people i know in my area)- i would like to talk to people on phone but I am scared to ask if we can phone instead as I don’t know if they would understand why i don’t want to see them in person. I miss a lot of aspects of lockdown actually. sorry i just rambled on about my own problems.

    i do think meeting people through shared interests will maximise your chances of coming across someone you connect to. Turns out a lot of my friends are neurodivergent (though i only found out when i was diagnosed)- i think sometimes it can be easier to connect to other neurodivergent people. Hope you find someone you connect to soon! 

  • Also in my experience, those friendships that last are the ones where you need to mask the least. You mention you miss “pretending to be NT for a few hours”- I used to do that a lot- pretend to be all social and happy when i met people (at time i was not diagnosed yet and had no idea i was autistic- so this was me putting on my social me)- It did feel good in a way but it is exhausting. I am still scared to be myself with a lot of people i met as i am scared that would stop them from liking me. And i am scared to let them see how messed up/depressed and burnt out i am- but that is also one of the reasons i can’t see anyone now- because i have no energy to pretend to be ok

  • I liked getting dressed up wearing my best and going for a drink. I think that pretending to be NT is part of being true to myself as part of me is NT and I enjoyed it. But also liked the time at home afterwards to recover. Its like I saved my energy for all the excitement for an hour or two a week or a few hours a month then the rest of the time I live quietly. If I am making sense? I never really liked too much like a big crowd as I got shy and would sometimes do a runner. lol. And end up in a nearby cafe crying over a coffee. So my autistic self needs cared for so I planned my night out as best I could. 

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  • I liked getting dressed up wearing my best and going for a drink. I think that pretending to be NT is part of being true to myself as part of me is NT and I enjoyed it. But also liked the time at home afterwards to recover. Its like I saved my energy for all the excitement for an hour or two a week or a few hours a month then the rest of the time I live quietly. If I am making sense? I never really liked too much like a big crowd as I got shy and would sometimes do a runner. lol. And end up in a nearby cafe crying over a coffee. So my autistic self needs cared for so I planned my night out as best I could. 

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