Confrontation

Confrontation is very difficult for me, most of the time; I avoid it if at all possible. However, if my core values have been offended and 'righteous indignation' kicks in, I can be either coldly demanding, or aggressively assertive.

Confrontation makes me feel helpless, too. However, I developed conflict resolution skills. 

I purposely let my wife deal with him, an angry menopausal woman is always going to win. I nearly felt sorry for the neighbour, nearly!

BillyC87

I understand what you mean about not liking confrontation but I always feel there is a tactful and good way to approach such situations and to prepare yourself for outcomes that may be scary for you.

I've learnt that it's best to be upfront about how you feel even if it upsets another person or means a job is lost or a relationship ends because to me transparency is important.

An example would be Christmas gifts.  If I am bought a gift that I will not use or do not like, I tend to be honest about it in a kind way.  This means that hopefully the person will not continue to waste their money or if they do then I know I have been forthright in letting them know how I feel about the gift.

How I would approach the agency:

I'd have your payment calculations and pay slips to hand to show the consultant face to face as it'd be harder to describe over the telephone or email.  I'd hand them over to your consultant and say "Do you notice a discrepancy there?"  

You may find that they are unaware and apologetic about the miscalculations.  They may have an explanation for them too.  It could be a genuine mistake by someone in the company that the consultant is not aware of. 

There may be a negative result too but it needs to be resolved because you are feeling upset about it.

Best of luck Billy.

Have done for years. Gets me anxious at the moment. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. I depends on who it is. Whatever happens stand up for yourself, at least you will keep your pride!

Well your neighbour is rude!

You have just outlined exactly what I’m like, I get to the point of where my childhood stutter comes back, I normally take the option of flight instead of fight. The last time I did engage I was made to feel that the issue was my fault,  when I know it wasn’t.  My wife had to sort the problem out which makes me sound really weak, it was a problem with a neighbour. The neighbours last remark was that I didn’t seem to talk or communicate properly. 

I've been that guy many times too. I've made small changes there though. If my weekly shopping deliver contains slimey looking salads, I'll hand them back. In the past I'd have been too timid! 

Even if I’ve been wrong changed in the shop or my meal is wrong.. I ignore it and move on 

Yes, confrontation is something I try to avoid if at all possible. I'd rather just take all the blame or just try and brush issues away and talk about something else - or preferably not say anything at all lol.

Talking is hard, very hard and confronting is a tiring tedious task. Fears of this is one of the reasons why I don't like talking to people.

Same! I always want to make something alright, and diplomacy (or, if honest, fawning/people pleasing, making 'amends' even when I'm the more aggrieved party), so I'll do anything to avoid confrontation. And it's not always healthy. 

However, I'd also rather be a open book during conflict resolution, yet there's one current situation where I know I'm expected to play by subtly passive aggressive rules instead. And it's stressing me out a lot. Because it feels fake and two-faced, even though I can see why most people play the 'game' that way. Picking a 'side' but showing that via oblique strategies. I'd rather the 'sides' thing wasn't there at all. Very childlike thinking I know, but why can't we all just be nice to each other?

The thought of confronting somebody cripples me with anxiety.