Confrontation

I wondered if this happens frequently. I work with a person that makes mountains out of mole hills and turns any difference of opinion into a confrontation.  I had a run in with her before like this and has made me even more anxious. I just made it like she was right and then let the manager deal with the disagreement as it was them that has questioned me and asked me to ask her what was happening. 

Not so much fear as I just know there's no point. Whatever the trick is to convincing people to do things for you or change how they are acting, I haven't mastered it in 35 years of trying and doubt I ever will. I can do it in writing but face to face people talk over me, ignore me completely, physically grab me and move me, or start threatening me if I confront them.

You can still make your point in a polite but firm way.
Nobody will punch you for speaking your mind, but you need that self confidence to speak your mind. ( You will feel better once you have )
Put your foot down and people WILL listen and take you seriously.
Give it a go, you will feel better for it.  BIG self esteem boost.

Have you always thought of it like that?

My style of writing has always been the same, ever since I was a young child, and was encouraged to write 'Thank you' letters. It wasn't something that I had given much thought to until relatives and friends began commenting on my writing style, and saying my correspondence with them made them feel like I was talking to them in person.

If get in 2 fight online I take a break from my screen for an hour and come back later when my head is clearer n im calmer.

It's not often that I end up in an online confrontation, but when I do I endeavour to do likewise. However, if I feel that someone has responded to me in a particularly aggressive and offensive manner, it can be just enough to make the red mist descend, instead of doing the mature thing of stepping away and responding after I've had time to calm down.

Sporadic Sparkly said:

My style of writing (or should I say typing) is to imagine that person is with me and I'm talking to them in a calm manner.

Have you always thought of it like that? I like how you think of it Ive tried many time to think of something like that but could never put in 2 words. If get in 2 fight online I take a break from my screen for an hour and come back later when my head is clearer n im calmer.

It's learning to be assertive which doesn't mean agressive. It means getting the result you want but this can be done politely. I think sometimes people have to be displeased with you and we need to accept that but it's hard feeling that. I've heard a good phrase which is something like a moment's discomfort or a lifetime of pain. My partner had a good one last week - will it matter in 5 minutes, 5 days or 5 years? With confrontation maybe not. This all seems theoretical. In reality, I think it's the physical fight flight or freeze in the moment that I have difficulty with.  I think when you're already quite anxious,  it's like adding another load to the overflowing bucket.

The kind of confrontation that could result in an argument is something I try to avoid. It's not so much that I get tongue-tied, but more the fact that I derive no pleasure from the draining effect that arguments can have on me. I also don't like being witness to confrontations between other people.

One thing that I can struggle with is text-based confrontation. My style of writing (or should I say typing) is to imagine that person is with me and I'm talking to them in a calm manner. The problem is that unless the other person knows me really well, they have no idea of the tone of voice I'm using when expressing myself in a text-based format. When the response I receive back makes it abundantly clear I have angered them, it can then have the effect of causing me to end up in a foul mood. Depending on what's been said, I can then find it difficult to refrain from projecting my frustration with their anger back at them.

Confrontation is best left avoided n I try to avoid it every time. It causes anxiety n sometimes burnout if really unlucky.

Same, I can say anything to anyone via email but not face to face or over the phone 

out_of_step,

Yes it is such a moral dilemma.  Fear of upsetting another and fear of being continually in a state of angst oneself.

everything you said, me too

i swear some people can just tell that I'm like this, and will get me into this situation just to power trip or make me look bad/stupid - email is the only way I can even try to stand up for myself at all

The halcyon days of the Seventies.

Not a problem, my defence of scientists is that while we come up with theories, which may be accurate or inaccurate, and data that is usually impartial, it is clinicians who treat people. 

Theres a really good Lindisfarne song called Run for Home, I often play it while Im out and it sums up how I feel

I apologise for my flippant generalising. Admittedly, I'm just impotently teed-off after reading some episodes of the history of treatment for autistic people.

Steven said:

Maybe scientists would be better-advised to study neurotypicals rather than autists...

Scientists study everyone and everything. Neurologists have gained great amounts of knowledge through studying when the brain is damaged; when something stops working it shows what it normally does. Autistics have difficulties in social interaction, so any brain differences that autistics have, may show where social and/or communication controlling neurology is located.

Any level of confrontational interaction is  impossibly for me to instigate.  I would avoid that situation completely. 
When I sense a brewing confrontational event, I will leave wherever I am and go home. Straight to my safe place, where I will order items or clean something.
“running home” is my go to response.

This is what I thought too. Even if I knew they were having me on and id maybe approach it with "I don't know if you've noticed...." or something like that. It'd help me take the heat out of it in the first instance. These situations are incredibly difficult and I think you can only prepare so far because you don't know what they will do or say. Then after that id becime most agreeable or stumbke over my words. I often have difficulty fighting my corner and just accept what's said to me. Then afterwards it's like Homer Simpson. ...d'oh! Billy, are you in a union? I'd recommend joining one because you feel more protected and have your back covered then. 

While general confrontation unsettles me, I find the predictable rituals of impending male-on-male violence incredibly tedious and obvious. For once, I am cynical about something. It's too often a mating dance of attention-seeking idiots. There's such an atmosphere of show/showing-off about it that I find the boredom of the opening ceremonies of the performance overrides any tension I'd ordinarily feel. It's like a rehearsal of a play padded with clichés and featuring try-hard actors who desperately want to play the lead. Maybe scientists would be better-advised to study neurotypicals rather than autists...

Yes I totally relate to all of this and absolutely hate confrontation.

I become incredibly anxious when something is not as I expect and I think that I might need to confront someone about it. In the moment I am likely to just not say anything or not even realise there is a problem until it is too late to say something.

Where I do find myself in a confrontational situation I cannot get my carefully planned words out properly. Also my brain cannot process the other persons response quickly enough to be able to respond. I can go situationally mute. Other times I find myself agreeing with the other person just to escape the nightmare of the confrontation, even though I know I am in the right. It then leaves me feeling useless and bad about myself afterwards.

This is one reason why I much prefer to communicate in writing, rather than verbally. In any disagreement situation I can set out the facts as I see them, logically and calmly. I then have time to consider the response. Of course it is not always possible to communicate that way in every situation. I can find myself pursuing relatively minor complaints to the point of obsession, where a company has live chat or email for customer services. Yet more serious matters I have to give up and ignore completely, where the only ways to complain are verbally in person or by telephone.