Confrontation

I wondered if this happens frequently. I work with a person that makes mountains out of mole hills and turns any difference of opinion into a confrontation.  I had a run in with her before like this and has made me even more anxious. I just made it like she was right and then let the manager deal with the disagreement as it was them that has questioned me and asked me to ask her what was happening. 

Not so much fear as I just know there's no point. Whatever the trick is to convincing people to do things for you or change how they are acting, I haven't mastered it in 35 years of trying and doubt I ever will. I can do it in writing but face to face people talk over me, ignore me completely, physically grab me and move me, or start threatening me if I confront them.

The kind of confrontation that could result in an argument is something I try to avoid. It's not so much that I get tongue-tied, but more the fact that I derive no pleasure from the draining effect that arguments can have on me. I also don't like being witness to confrontations between other people.

One thing that I can struggle with is text-based confrontation. My style of writing (or should I say typing) is to imagine that person is with me and I'm talking to them in a calm manner. The problem is that unless the other person knows me really well, they have no idea of the tone of voice I'm using when expressing myself in a text-based format. When the response I receive back makes it abundantly clear I have angered them, it can then have the effect of causing me to end up in a foul mood. Depending on what's been said, I can then find it difficult to refrain from projecting my frustration with their anger back at them.

Same, I can say anything to anyone via email but not face to face or over the phone 

everything you said, me too

i swear some people can just tell that I'm like this, and will get me into this situation just to power trip or make me look bad/stupid - email is the only way I can even try to stand up for myself at all

The halcyon days of the Seventies.

Not a problem, my defence of scientists is that while we come up with theories, which may be accurate or inaccurate, and data that is usually impartial, it is clinicians who treat people. 

Theres a really good Lindisfarne song called Run for Home, I often play it while Im out and it sums up how I feel

I apologise for my flippant generalising. Admittedly, I'm just impotently teed-off after reading some episodes of the history of treatment for autistic people.

Steven said:

Maybe scientists would be better-advised to study neurotypicals rather than autists...

Scientists study everyone and everything. Neurologists have gained great amounts of knowledge through studying when the brain is damaged; when something stops working it shows what it normally does. Autistics have difficulties in social interaction, so any brain differences that autistics have, may show where social and/or communication controlling neurology is located.

Any level of confrontational interaction is  impossibly for me to instigate.  I would avoid that situation completely. 
When I sense a brewing confrontational event, I will leave wherever I am and go home. Straight to my safe place, where I will order items or clean something.
“running home” is my go to response.

While general confrontation unsettles me, I find the predictable rituals of impending male-on-male violence incredibly tedious and obvious. For once, I am cynical about something. It's too often a mating dance of attention-seeking idiots. There's such an atmosphere of show/showing-off about it that I find the boredom of the opening ceremonies of the performance overrides any tension I'd ordinarily feel. It's like a rehearsal of a play padded with clichés and featuring try-hard actors who desperately want to play the lead. Maybe scientists would be better-advised to study neurotypicals rather than autists...

Yes I totally relate to all of this and absolutely hate confrontation.

I become incredibly anxious when something is not as I expect and I think that I might need to confront someone about it. In the moment I am likely to just not say anything or not even realise there is a problem until it is too late to say something.

Where I do find myself in a confrontational situation I cannot get my carefully planned words out properly. Also my brain cannot process the other persons response quickly enough to be able to respond. I can go situationally mute. Other times I find myself agreeing with the other person just to escape the nightmare of the confrontation, even though I know I am in the right. It then leaves me feeling useless and bad about myself afterwards.

This is one reason why I much prefer to communicate in writing, rather than verbally. In any disagreement situation I can set out the facts as I see them, logically and calmly. I then have time to consider the response. Of course it is not always possible to communicate that way in every situation. I can find myself pursuing relatively minor complaints to the point of obsession, where a company has live chat or email for customer services. Yet more serious matters I have to give up and ignore completely, where the only ways to complain are verbally in person or by telephone.

Confrontation is very difficult for me, most of the time; I avoid it if at all possible. However, if my core values have been offended and 'righteous indignation' kicks in, I can be either coldly demanding, or aggressively assertive.

Confrontation makes me feel helpless, too. However, I developed conflict resolution skills. 

I purposely let my wife deal with him, an angry menopausal woman is always going to win. I nearly felt sorry for the neighbour, nearly!

Have done for years. Gets me anxious at the moment. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. I depends on who it is. Whatever happens stand up for yourself, at least you will keep your pride!

Well your neighbour is rude!

You have just outlined exactly what I’m like, I get to the point of where my childhood stutter comes back, I normally take the option of flight instead of fight. The last time I did engage I was made to feel that the issue was my fault,  when I know it wasn’t.  My wife had to sort the problem out which makes me sound really weak, it was a problem with a neighbour. The neighbours last remark was that I didn’t seem to talk or communicate properly. 

I've been that guy many times too. I've made small changes there though. If my weekly shopping deliver contains slimey looking salads, I'll hand them back. In the past I'd have been too timid!