As an autistic how do YOU deal with rejection

Inspiring: a seemingly bad thing actually being a blessing.

This reminds me of important attitudes and phrases such as:  
wait for the dust to settle;

wait the stormy  feeling out;

temporary discomfort is worth it;

It’s going to be okay;

 this too shall pass;

the darkest time is just before dawn;

attitude of gratitude;

we don’t know the full hope of the future.

It’s okay not to know everything;

the universe is not out to ‘get’ me or to bully me. 

I must have re-read your response at least six times because it struck a resonant chord with me. I have been stuck in that loop for some time as an easy way out.  I have always found the path of least resistance very inviting but taking only necessary action when push came to shove.  My "necessary action" had often been incorrect in hindsight --- but that's life. 

I threatened to create more threads, so they ran away screaming.

Would that be a small and specialist subset of the 2% of the population that statistically are psychopaths?

(there statistically speaking likely 1600 psychopaths who are members of this forum, although it's likely that very few will find this environment "interesting"....) I've got a mate who's very interested in that subject, and I had him test me ages ago...

A more pressing problem is the amount of men who feel they have the right to kill or assault women for the 'crime' of rejecting them.

Tell me about it... ;c)

Thanks to all you wonderful people who responded to this request. Age is supposed to bring with it wisdom, but I clearly am still learning.

Yes, many young men can't handle the ultimate rejection of a love that had their own total commitment. I for one had not experienced love in my own homelife as a youngster. I therefore did not know how to display affection or to even be aware of feeling affection excluding my sex drive needs that I confused with "love". So, although my first wife abandoned me and my two sons after 12 years of marriage, I never raised a hand to her, I was always sober, never involved with drink, drugs, or gambling, heck, I even gave up pack- a-day smoking, never went into debt, always provided for the family, gave up the job I loved in NYC, came to these shores for HER benefit---nevertheless this wasn't enough because I was -- boring! Talk about taking hold of the shitty end of the stick!  If there was ever a candidate for suicide it should have been me but being ever the pragmatist disallowed suicide to be considered because life MUST go on.

He's a proper womaniser which had costed him two marriages and a great deal of money. Yes he's led a full life with many stories.  My wife and I find him entertaining. I do believe him to display autistic ways.

Over my life I've learned to avoid rejection by retreating inside my shell, tortoise like. The shell is extremely hard for anyone else to break through, even if they wanted to.

If I don't apply for anything or ask for what I need or open up to anyone socially then I can't be rejected. Of course that strategy has left me out of work and incredibly socially isolated, so it is not necessarily one I would recommend.

The opening lyrics of the Billy Joel song come to mind:

Some people stay far away from the door
If there's a chance of it opening up
They hear a voice in the hall outside
And hope that it just passes by

Some people live with the fear of a touch
And the anger of having been a fool
They will not listen to anyone
So nobody tells them a lie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQCWY5ynBaw

That last line has been a feature of my life too. I do learn from SOME experiences but with others (maybe most!) I just keep making the same mistakes.

I'm of the opinion that nearly all goths are neurodivergent- autistic, ADHD, depression, gender or romantically divergent, and whatever else it may be.  

But for whatever reasons, he's probably experienced plenty of rejection himself.  He's probably got some very interesting stories to tell.

Turning defects into assets is vital for coping with life.

Being sacked from a Civil Service Job, at a Department which made the News at the time, proved to be the biggest blessing I ever received. I just had to stop feeling sorry for myself.

Not my Circus, not my Monkey!

So many young men commit suicide; due to rejection from their partner.

It's an elephant in the room.

Being selective with whom you engage with is a recognised, good strategy for self-preservation of your own wellbeing.

I stated earlier "needs must". I wasn't the sort of person to depend on handouts from the state trying to raise my kids. Doing so would have been financially difficult. I've always been a rather independent individual used to going my own way. Looking for a willing, childless partner would have been difficult and time consuming. My only other quick option was to take on someone else's kid(s) and hope for the best. Sometimes risks must be taken. Fortunately, it worked but not without many problems.

If I may suggest, list that barrage of negatives, (I might even use a spreadsheet to make reordering easier) and order them by different criterion, eg impact on your life, impact on others lives, anything that interests you. As you add data, it's very possible that a pattern or similar will emerge, and if you are as lucky as I seem to be you might even see a change you can make, that might directly reduce those consistent negatives.

You CAN make a change that helps you, the trick is to look for the change that does the most useful work, or gives you the best return on your investment of effort. And if you you are currently powerless to help yourself, then look for opportunities to help others, which is often a simpler and more quickly rewarding task.

It's only an uphill struggle, A. if you really do need to be climbing that hill, and B. if you haven't bought enough creature comforts along to allow you to take frequent breaks to simply enjoy the scenery and have a beer or sandwich etc. whilst you get your wind back for the next leg. 

Just keep looking up! :c)

Learning to let go takes a lot of practice and self reasurance to start off with. Also improving other areas of mental health alongside will result in better self esteem and confidence to worry less in general which helps.

Also people-pleasing isn't actually the same thing as following unwritten social ettiquette, you can be seen as "too keen" which makes people suspicious of your true motives. Even if you break a few minor social rules though if you are confident enough it won't matter as much because people seem to really be attracted to confidence as long as it isn't boisterous or over imposing.

How did you handle the “not knowing.”

It torments me, especially when I’m confident that I’ve tried hard to comply with friendship rules of play.

That divorce must have been hard. I'm glad you found someone else and made it work.