As an autistic how do YOU deal with rejection

Rejection has played a major role in my life since childhood. I've never really been able to satisfactorily cope with it.  I know it is partly due to my own social inabilities. As a true outsider when first settling here, I had experienced past rejection from two government organisations (NHS, and the Dept. Of Employment) the former almost costed me the loss of my wife and unborn child, while the latter had to be taken to court for discrimination (I won with compensation). As a child I was always the kid on the outside looking in which emotionally kind of prepared me for rejection, but not at governmental scale whilst married to an English pregnant wife.  I didn't realise my location -- I later came to learn --- was probably the most conservatively rigid locations in the UK. Over many following years I experienced total strangers who snubbed me owing to my New York accent!

I have developed many masks over many years in my pointless attempts at trying to fit in.  I have no social life.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I have been conditioned over many years to accept my lot and find some comfort being able to express myself here as compensation for my social inabilities to a degree. I'm curious to know how other autistics cope with rejection.

Parents
  • I treat life as a game of skill, where "winning" is difficult, but playing well is a skill I can work on.

    Mostly I see "rejection" as an obstacle to be overcome, or got around, and look for the appropriate skill, technique, or firearm* to accomplish my aim.. I don't see it as an "unpleasant mystery" any more, it's just something that happens to everyone at some point to varying degrees, and in certain circumstances, to me more often than I would like. BUT, there really are, "more fish in the sea" and "when one door closes another often is opening.."

    "I have NO TIME for people who have no time for me". Is a motto I am trying to live by these days.. 

    *O.K. Not a firearm, that was an attempt at levity. 

  • Turning a negative into a positive is very commendable especially so if you can actually get it to work for yourself despite a barrage of consistent negatives. It is truly an uphill struggle worthy of recognition.

Reply Children
  • Inspiring: a seemingly bad thing actually being a blessing.

    This reminds me of important attitudes and phrases such as:  
    wait for the dust to settle;

    wait the stormy  feeling out;

    temporary discomfort is worth it;

    It’s going to be okay;

     this too shall pass;

    the darkest time is just before dawn;

    attitude of gratitude;

    we don’t know the full hope of the future.

    It’s okay not to know everything;

    the universe is not out to ‘get’ me or to bully me. 

  • Turning defects into assets is vital for coping with life.

    Being sacked from a Civil Service Job, at a Department which made the News at the time, proved to be the biggest blessing I ever received. I just had to stop feeling sorry for myself.

    Not my Circus, not my Monkey!

  • If I may suggest, list that barrage of negatives, (I might even use a spreadsheet to make reordering easier) and order them by different criterion, eg impact on your life, impact on others lives, anything that interests you. As you add data, it's very possible that a pattern or similar will emerge, and if you are as lucky as I seem to be you might even see a change you can make, that might directly reduce those consistent negatives.

    You CAN make a change that helps you, the trick is to look for the change that does the most useful work, or gives you the best return on your investment of effort. And if you you are currently powerless to help yourself, then look for opportunities to help others, which is often a simpler and more quickly rewarding task.

    It's only an uphill struggle, A. if you really do need to be climbing that hill, and B. if you haven't bought enough creature comforts along to allow you to take frequent breaks to simply enjoy the scenery and have a beer or sandwich etc. whilst you get your wind back for the next leg. 

    Just keep looking up! :c)