As an autistic how do YOU deal with rejection

Rejection has played a major role in my life since childhood. I've never really been able to satisfactorily cope with it.  I know it is partly due to my own social inabilities. As a true outsider when first settling here, I had experienced past rejection from two government organisations (NHS, and the Dept. Of Employment) the former almost costed me the loss of my wife and unborn child, while the latter had to be taken to court for discrimination (I won with compensation). As a child I was always the kid on the outside looking in which emotionally kind of prepared me for rejection, but not at governmental scale whilst married to an English pregnant wife.  I didn't realise my location -- I later came to learn --- was probably the most conservatively rigid locations in the UK. Over many following years I experienced total strangers who snubbed me owing to my New York accent!

I have developed many masks over many years in my pointless attempts at trying to fit in.  I have no social life.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I have been conditioned over many years to accept my lot and find some comfort being able to express myself here as compensation for my social inabilities to a degree. I'm curious to know how other autistics cope with rejection.

Parents
  • Honestly, even though I think I've had less rejection than many people here, I don't think I've ever dealt with it well. Job-related rejection upsets me a bit, but emotional rejection is the real killer. I rarely open up to potential friends because I'm scared of rejection and also of not knowing the "rules" for befriending people. I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing and being misinterpreted. I guess years of bullying at school were responsible for that mindset. I'm lucky that I've found friends who have persevered in trying to befriend me despite my distance and confusion. Romantic rejection was the hardest. I've found my special person now (actually, she found me -- a pattern), but years and years and years of rejection took their toll and I had pretty much given up all hope of ever getting married when the unthinkable happened.

  • So many young men commit suicide; due to rejection from their partner.

    It's an elephant in the room.

  • Yes, many young men can't handle the ultimate rejection of a love that had their own total commitment. I for one had not experienced love in my own homelife as a youngster. I therefore did not know how to display affection or to even be aware of feeling affection excluding my sex drive needs that I confused with "love". So, although my first wife abandoned me and my two sons after 12 years of marriage, I never raised a hand to her, I was always sober, never involved with drink, drugs, or gambling, heck, I even gave up pack- a-day smoking, never went into debt, always provided for the family, gave up the job I loved in NYC, came to these shores for HER benefit---nevertheless this wasn't enough because I was -- boring! Talk about taking hold of the shitty end of the stick!  If there was ever a candidate for suicide it should have been me but being ever the pragmatist disallowed suicide to be considered because life MUST go on.

Reply
  • Yes, many young men can't handle the ultimate rejection of a love that had their own total commitment. I for one had not experienced love in my own homelife as a youngster. I therefore did not know how to display affection or to even be aware of feeling affection excluding my sex drive needs that I confused with "love". So, although my first wife abandoned me and my two sons after 12 years of marriage, I never raised a hand to her, I was always sober, never involved with drink, drugs, or gambling, heck, I even gave up pack- a-day smoking, never went into debt, always provided for the family, gave up the job I loved in NYC, came to these shores for HER benefit---nevertheless this wasn't enough because I was -- boring! Talk about taking hold of the shitty end of the stick!  If there was ever a candidate for suicide it should have been me but being ever the pragmatist disallowed suicide to be considered because life MUST go on.

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