• Replies 31 replies
  • Subscribers 87 subscribers
  • Views 5587 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

As an autistic how do YOU deal with rejection

NAS83898

Rejection has played a major role in my life since childhood. I've never really been able to satisfactorily cope with it.  I know it is partly due to my own social inabilities. As a true outsider when first settling here, I had experienced past rejection from two government organisations (NHS, and the Dept. Of Employment) the former almost costed me the loss of my wife and unborn child, while the latter had to be taken to court for discrimination (I won with compensation). As a child I was always the kid on the outside looking in which emotionally kind of prepared me for rejection, but not at governmental scale whilst married to an English pregnant wife.  I didn't realise my location -- I later came to learn --- was probably the most conservatively rigid locations in the UK. Over many following years I experienced total strangers who snubbed me owing to my New York accent!

I have developed many masks over many years in my pointless attempts at trying to fit in.  I have no social life.  Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining.  I have been conditioned over many years to accept my lot and find some comfort being able to express myself here as compensation for my social inabilities to a degree. I'm curious to know how other autistics cope with rejection.

Parents

  • Honestly, even though I think I've had less rejection than many people here, I don't think I've ever dealt with it well. Job-related rejection upsets me a bit, but emotional rejection is the real killer. I rarely open up to potential friends because I'm scared of rejection and also of not knowing the "rules" for befriending people. I'm afraid of doing the wrong thing and being misinterpreted. I guess years of bullying at school were responsible for that mindset. I'm lucky that I've found friends who have persevered in trying to befriend me despite my distance and confusion. Romantic rejection was the hardest. I've found my special person now (actually, she found me -- a pattern), but years and years and years of rejection took their toll and I had pretty much given up all hope of ever getting married when the unthinkable happened.

  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    I've experienced emotional rejection with my first wife walking out on me and my kids. It could have been a killer if I allowed it to be so. But needs must.  Being the pragmatic person I am, I joined a divorce and separates club and met my wife who has put up with me for 38 years. Its's been a rough ride initially taking on her two young kids, but we did it.

    My preconditioning to misinterpretation also acted as a screen towards engagement with people, but for a different reason from your own. I was always the largest guy in my school classes. I guess my size put off bullies --- if they dared.  My awareness of rejection began at home. It was surreptitious and concealed.  Nine years separated my brother and I, so I knew I was an accident. My father had his own emotional issues with a discharge from active duty for nervous anxiety during WW2. Mum already had her hands full with dad and my older brother, which put me somewhere in" left field " (a baseball term). 

Reply
  • in reply to Luftmentsch

    I've experienced emotional rejection with my first wife walking out on me and my kids. It could have been a killer if I allowed it to be so. But needs must.  Being the pragmatic person I am, I joined a divorce and separates club and met my wife who has put up with me for 38 years. Its's been a rough ride initially taking on her two young kids, but we did it.

    My preconditioning to misinterpretation also acted as a screen towards engagement with people, but for a different reason from your own. I was always the largest guy in my school classes. I guess my size put off bullies --- if they dared.  My awareness of rejection began at home. It was surreptitious and concealed.  Nine years separated my brother and I, so I knew I was an accident. My father had his own emotional issues with a discharge from active duty for nervous anxiety during WW2. Mum already had her hands full with dad and my older brother, which put me somewhere in" left field " (a baseball term). 

Children