Published on 12, July, 2020
As Melanie Sykes said, she was a "walking contradiction" and I feel the same. Here are my examples. I'd love to know if you are the same or have any more to add! 1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser.2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others.3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them.4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring.6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people.7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction.8. A strong need to be on time but always running late.9, Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to.10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well.11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised.12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me).13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered.14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring.15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how..16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music.17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off.18. Hyper focus or inertia.19. Like to be spontaneuous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening.20. Find sameness boring but don't like change.21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed.
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. 23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions.
out_of_step ,
Do you have an Autism diagnosis because if you do and I don't then this shows how confusing diagnosis is because I don't have one but self identify....
This is one of the reasons it took me so long to go for an assessment and yes I was diagnosed as autistic. I dont think people would consider autism unless they felt inherently different. (People i know havent gone looking for reasons because they don't feel it...apart from one...who has been diagnosed adhd) I think the narrative around autism is changing as autistic people share information online. It's just the official stuff hasn't caught up with it yet. And the whole thing of it being so broad as well but that's been covered in other threads recently.
out_of_step,
I've always been called "weird" but I've never felt like I was so different. I just felt that I didn't want to follow the "pack" and would always make friends with the bullied kids because I felt awful for them. I felt I wanted to defend picked on people. I've always felt anger towards bullies.
I think it's pretty telling that you are diagnosed as Autistic and I have so many things in common with you. I wonder what the same psychiatrists reaction would be if I were to show him you/our list?
NAS83898,
I get it. I've experienced rejection throughout my life but am still making an effort to try to give people a chance to support me, like here.
I'm so glad to hear you're not feeling as alienated. Your self awareness is a positive too. I'm also very self aware.
I make an effort not to reject people but will call out comments I feel are not warranted. ;-)
Yes thanks, I do not feel as alienated as I did which is an unusual emotion for me. I had come to accept the feeling of alienation as par for the course during my many years here in the UK. I even obtained naturalisation foolishly thinking it would make any difference. Be advised that I respond very negatively to the slightest "sniff" of rejection, not necessarily outwardly, as I have come to be preconditioned to expect it having spent the majority of my life here.
I have seen how thoughtful you are of others feelings and how you are trying your best. I'm glad that you feel safe here as your original post made me feel quite sad and I wanted to make it all better. I see that you are contributing more and am hoping that this community is giving you the comfort you were lacking in the beginning.
Anonymity rules. Here I feel safe in my openness knowing it can't result in some practical negative feedback.
Autistic or not. I find comfort in feeling sameness and commonality with you and others on here. I like learning about differences too because it gives me a depth of understanding of human behaviour and why we do/act certain ways. I am so grateful for this forum and for the honesty in it. I'm learning more and more every time I'm on here.
I feel some people are very closed which confuses me. I feel we are all pretty open here and that feels like home to me.
I don't know because everyone is different. When I first started reading about autism I went on tania Marshall's website and that had a huge list of seemingly contradicting traits. I don't know how much of it is my personality or personal preference mixed in with autism.