Contradictions within Autism

out_of_step ,

1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser. Me too.
2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others. Sometimes.
3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them. Always know how I feel and get overwhelmed by the vibe of a room.
4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.  I feel I can read most people but some I have no clue or want to read them as they seem fake.  I abhor fake.
5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring. I feel this too.
6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people. I fluctuate between outgoing and not.
7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction. I know my left and right strongly and have a map in my head of places after being there a few times.
8. A strong need to be on time but always running late. I strongly identify with this. I am either super early or 10 mins late, exactly!!! I get soooo anxious about lateness in myself and others.
9. Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to. I often don't feel heard in real life but not here.
10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well. I communicate well in most situations but don't work in a paid job, will be volunteering soon.....
11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised. I love organising and am good at it too.
12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me). My flat is mostly tidy but not always to my high standards..
13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered. I'm always getting rid of stuff when I buy new things.
14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring. I have a fairly minimalist abode but would like it more so.  Some are boring.
15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how.. I feel lack of motivation a lot.
16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music. Me too!!!
17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off. Me too!
18. Hyper focus or inertia. Yes!
19. Like to be spontaneous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening. This is me. 
20. Find sameness boring but don't like change. I relate.
21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed. Sometimes
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. Unless it's important to me, yes.
23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions. Sometimes

Do you have an Autism diagnosis because if you do and I don't then this shows how confusing diagnosis is because I don't have one but self identify....

out_of_step ,

1. Feel less need to follow social conventions but then am a heavy people pleaser. Me too.
2. Feel I have my own sense of identity but get easily swept along by others. Sometimes.
3. Not sure how I feel a lot of the time but feel very strongly when I do know. Feel strongly other people's emotions or completely miss them. Always know how I feel and get overwhelmed by the vibe of a room.
4. Feel like I can't read people in the moment but then pick up on micro expressions or feelings other people don't seem to notice.  I feel I can read most people but some I have no clue or want to read them as they seem fake.  I abhor fake.
5. Love being on my own but have a strong need for people interaction which is often a bit difficult and tiring. I feel this too.
6. Naturally introverted but love the energy when with the right people. I fluctuate between outgoing and not.
7. Get mixed up with left or right but have a good sense of direction. I know my left and right strongly and have a map in my head of places after being there a few times.
8. A strong need to be on time but always running late. I strongly identify with this. I am either super early or 10 mins late, exactly!!! I get soooo anxious about lateness in myself and others.
9. Approachable as an ear for problems but seldom have my own listened to. I often don't feel heard in real life but not here.
10. Communicate clearly in my job but can't explain problems to health professionals very well. I communicate well in most situations but don't work in a paid job, will be volunteering soon.....
11. Am a natural organiser but actually not very organised. I love organising and am good at it too.
12. A strong need for a tidy house but it's always a mess (to me). My flat is mostly tidy but not always to my high standards..
13. An effort to have less stuff but feel its always cluttered. I'm always getting rid of stuff when I buy new things.
14. A desire for a minimalist house but think they're boring. I have a fairly minimalist abode but would like it more so.  Some are boring.
15. Often really want to get going a lot of the time but don't know how.. I feel lack of motivation a lot.
16. Don't like loud noises but love loud music. Me too!!!
17. Can get up early of my own accord but not when my alarm goes off. Me too!
18. Hyper focus or inertia. Yes!
19. Like to be spontaneous but don't like a change to a plan and need to know ahead what's happening. This is me. 
20. Find sameness boring but don't like change. I relate.
21. Need routine to function but have difficulty forming them unless it's imposed. Sometimes
22. Good long term memory but poor short term memory. Unless it's important to me, yes.
23. Can see both sides of the discussion so have conflicting opinions. Sometimes

Do you have an Autism diagnosis because if you do and I don't then this shows how confusing diagnosis is because I don't have one but self identify....

Do you have an Autism diagnosis because if you do and I don't then this shows how confusing diagnosis is because I don't have one but self identify....

This is one of the reasons it took me so long to go for an assessment and yes I was diagnosed as autistic. I dont think people would consider autism unless they felt inherently different. (People i know havent gone looking for reasons because they don't feel it...apart from one...who has been diagnosed adhd) I think the narrative around autism is changing as autistic people share information online.  It's just the official stuff hasn't caught up with it yet. And the whole thing of it being so broad as well but that's been covered in other threads recently.