Published on 12, July, 2020
I have gotten to the point now where my course is all I think about, I’m doing pretty well I’ve never been a straight A student so getting high Bs are something I’m very proud of. My family are always saying how proud they are of me however university is consuming my life. I’m obsessed with the subject I’m studying as it’s always pretty much been my special interest, I’m always talking about it but it’s gotten to the point where I’m obsessed with very specific area within my studies and I’ve grown accustomed to one of my tutors because of this, I hate it because he is so nice and lets me do a load of extra work with him but because I’m spending so much time work on a project and with him it’s becoming all I’m talking about and I can’t stop. Once I’m in a social situation I have no control. I honestly don’t know how to switch off. Pretty sure the whole campus knows I have a thing for him and wouldn’t be surprised if he knew as I’m even doing extra classes with him as well as working on said project, he even offered to take me out for some work experience. I want to stop thinking about him but he is a world famous specialist and pretty hard to find a better person in his field and I really want to do a masters or PHD in his area but I’m also worried I’ll burn myself out.
Your best bet at getting a good social life at uni is to lean hard into undergrad activities as you move into your postdoc phase. It’s probably going to take the average autistic person a year or two extra to find their crowed at uni which is mostly a mix of second years and third years by that point. so taking a gap year means you fall out of that social circle and both the second and third years have mostly graduated and moved on when you return. If you don’t take a gap year only the 3rd years move on and you don’t have to establish whole new circles of friends you can ‘inherit’ the new friend your remaining old friends bring into the group.
depends on the person, as taking a year out but doing some light research can prepare you for the PHD. But I guess some people have reasons not to do a gap year.
Tbh as some one who did take a gap between degree and PhD I wouldn’t recommend it. But I would recommend planing it well ahead and consulting lots of different professors
I think that it is the rules that a university lecturer cannot have a romantic relationship with a student or they get sacked and into heaps of trouble. This man should not be spending lots of time with you, be careful he could be grooming you, as you are vulnerable adult. I was groomed by two teachers.
Get an autistic specialist to counsel you, as that obsession stuff regarding the teacher is not good for you. I cant comment on that as I do not become obsessed with stuff or people. but this could be detrimental to you. so get counselling. Try to mix with others, and maybe go on a date or two with someone else.
Look into careers with your specialist subject and start getting some work experience. You can take a year out before going into PHD so you do not burn out.
Well as I see it there are 2 separate issues here.
I don’t think either of those issues are you enjoying your course or working hard. I think that’s great.
but if it’s effecting you’re social life that’s a problem. But it sounds like it’s not so much that you don’t have the time for a social life and more that your special interest is so consuming it’s all you want to talk about. That’s not nessicerally a problem. If you can find people to socialise with who at least somewhat share your interest. Maybe your course has a social society associated with it? Or maybe there is a geeky / nerdy society that a lot of people on your course go to? Try that?
on the other hand it sounds like you’re becoming romantically interested in your lecturer. It’s fine to be friendly with staff especially if you’re thinking of doing a PhD but romantic entanglements create a conflict of interests and you want to be very careful of that.
but generally there is nothing wrong with enjoying your course and working hard. As you already know it could lead to a PhD and career.
As autistic, some of us will have specific interest, as you describe well. I am obsessed with playing music and tree species. These obsessions help me and make me feel better, normal or myself, I guess. This is not what NT understand. We want to share these and talk about these subjects until the end of times but they don’t get it. for me, as I am highly functional, I learn a lot of psychology to try to find out what was different about me. Obviously it didn’t apply because it was NT behaviour study, not really for ASD…. But….
is it possible you’re mixing the love of your studies, specific ones as you mention above, with the feelings you might have…. Is it sort of over spilling? If you see what I mean?
as per being obsessive, there’s nothing wrong with that…. That’s what we do…. I would embrace it…
Hope that helps