Published on 12, July, 2020
I've recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I am a retired electro/mechanical technician who has served in a number of industries here and abroad as well as the military, so my experiences are wide but always were in connection with positions where operational tasks could be performed alone. I am looking for an adult group I can continue to try to assimilate into as fitting into a group has been a trial for me since childhood. Added to my "oddness" is my American accent having been raised in New York City. This instantly has put me on a weak footing to be warmly welcomed and engaged with, complemented by my own "standoffishness" that has become my deeply ingrained defence mechanism here in Norfolk/Suffolk, a very conservative region where I have lived since 1971. Over this time, I have experienced repetitive failed attempts to engage with social groups. This includes negative outcomes with the U3A, Odd Fellows, and Lions where one "gentleman" who originated in Vietnam, stated he has had great pleasure in killing Americans during that conflict. So, --- my question to you is am I destined to die a misfit, or do you think there may be some salvation for me through a suitable adult group I can feel at ease with supported by the knowledge they are just as odd as I am or, am I to continue on this lonely path of social rejection.
Hello traveller
There isn't many among us who managed to survive so many changes and moving from place to place. You are stubborn like a donkey, my mom used to say about me. But I was forced by circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't certainly decide to do it. What about you? Did you enter millitary knowing you'll be moved from place to place without fear of it?
I gave up on trying to fit anywhere in real word, I just live in my own bubble now.
My belated response---sorry! I view this site as a junkie views his "fix". I am very impulsive and have a low bordom threshold and often take immediate actions I often regret later. I now need my "fix". Yesterday I had responded with a rather long and comprehensive reply to this space and it never got registered. I don,t think I broke any forum rules and I certainly wasn't abusive in any way. Indeed I regestered my complaint to NAS in this regard. So, If this response also doesn't register that ends my relationship with NAS---as I said I act on impulse.
In answer to your question, I have never feared moving about, indeed I looked foward to it. I'm quite settled now in my winter of discontent having realized I've been running away from myself for many years seeking a place where I do fit. Don't be fooled by my current settlement. I still do not fit, am tired of running, and emotionally drained.
Hi I'm back again. Please don't think me as rude for my lack of prompt response. I am not tied to my PC and have the occasional look-in. I can understand the many within this comminity who depend on this forum on a daily basis. I try to strike a balance between this and my other interests. Further, my mind will only endure what my bum will allow in this sitting position :-) I also have a short attention span until I lock onto an interest with great focus. It's true what has been said about autistics " once you have met an autistic person, you have met a unique autistic person" --- or words in close approximation to this.
I've returned for my occasional "fix" pendiong what my bum will allow! I try to adhere to the writings of Disiderata and on this occasion the phrase " Do not distress yourself with imaginings" Seven months ago I introduced myself (see above "Hi Everyone!" The brief examples of exclusions sited in my intro were not imaginings. I really do appreciate all comments made in response. I can add a recent experience of further exclusion despite my awareness of possibly being viewed as a hopeless moaner.
There is a town movement against the "20 minute neighbourhood" our local council had tried to impose upon us. Out of this movement, I engaged with a group of people who meet up every Sunday at a pub to discuss latest updated events. I only recognized two poeple in this group who vaguely knew of me. One was a young man who knows my step daughter, and the other was a man who I briefly worked with as a temporary agency job many years ago, and whose name I remembered as Steve. Conversation got off to a slow start and was very stilted. I attempted to remind Steve---who was sitting next to me on my right ---of our brief encounter all those years ago. He did remember me and promptly got up to change his seat to one much further away. His action reinforced my embarrassment over my reality of being considered a pariah. I don't recall any reason past or present for Steve's action and I had freshened myself up in a shower before attending this group. I am very tuned into sensing awkwardness in the other young man (Bob) sitting next to me on my left. Owing to many past rejections I have developed a tactical avoidance mechanism, and promptly excused myself from a situation where I felt I was not welcomed. I shook the hands of both Steve and Bob before my exit. I have not attended any futher group meetings. Such is my socially isolated life.
Ciao ADITL,
Grazie per la tua risposta e sono contento che tu abbia deciso di non annullare l'iscrizione.
Mi hai insegnato una nuova parola che si applica a me! --- alessitimico. La mia prima moglie se n'è andata dopo 12 anni di matrimonio a causa della mia alessitimia. Pensava che fossi noioso. Mi ha lasciato con il mio figlio maggiore e ha portato via il mio figlio più giovane al suo nuovo amore ritrovato che è durato solo pochi anni a causa della sua ubriachezza e delle percosse che ha ricevuto da lui. --- punizione ironica? Mi sono risposato con la mia nuova moglie con due dei suoi figli piccoli. Adesso sono tutti adulti e stiamo ancora insieme nonostante il mio autismo e la mia alessitimia. Non so come mi abbia tollerato per tutti questi anni!
Sì, è paradossale il modo in cui le nostre strane difese funzionano contro di noi.
Giudico le persone dalle loro azioni, ma ci vuole tempo per esprimere un giudizio del genere con solo parole qui su un forum.
Penso di aver capito come funziona la tua mente iperattiva. Salta un po 'ma stai andando alla grande.
La cultura americana impone risultati rapidi che spesso implicano un pensiero semplicistico che va bene se la comprensione di base di un problema è corretta. A volte non lo è, ma è questo che rende l'America così dinamica. La mia osservazione qui nel Regno Unito --- dopo aver vissuto qui per oltre 50 anni --- è che ogni problema è dibattuto a morte , il che spesso significa che la "barca" dell'opportunità è stata / è stata spesso persa. A New York diciamo "Sei in ritardo di un giorno e in meno di un dollaro"
Mi ha fatto piacere vedere la BREXIT britannica. Avrebbe dovuto liberare il Regno Unito affinché diventasse la nazione commerciale insulare che era una volta, prendendo le distanze dall'UE molto corrotta che applicava le sue regole in modo antidemocratico. Ma questo governo ha anche rovinato la BREXIT.
Non dovrei deviare da quella che è una piattaforma per l'autismo. Forse il tuo pensiero iperattivo è contagioso!
Ti scriverò più tardi. Arrivederci per ora.
Hi ADITL,
Thank you for your reply, and I am glad you decided not to unsubscribe..
You have taught me a new word which applies to me!--- alexithymic. My first wife walked out after 12 years of our marriage owing to my alexithymia. She thought I was boring. She left me with my oldest son and took away my youngest son to her new found love which only lasted a few years owing to his drunkedness and beatings she received from him. --- ironic retribution ? I remarried with my new wife with two of her own young children. They are all adults now and we are still together despite my autism and alexithymia. I don't know how she tolerated me all these years!
Yes' it is paradoxical about how our wierd defences work against us.
I judge people by their actions, but it takes time to make such a judgement with only words here on a forum.
I think I get how your hyperactive mind works. It does jump around somewhat but you are doing just great.
American culture dictates fast results that often implies simplistic thinking which is ok providing core understanding of a problem is correct. Sometimes it is not, but then that is what makes America so dynamic. My observation here in the UK --- after living here for over 50 years---is every problem is debated to death which often means the "boat" of opportunity has/is often been missed. Back in NYC we say "Your a day late and a dollar short"
I was pleased to see the UK BREXIT. It should have freed the UK to become the island trading nation it once was, by distancing itself from the very corrupt EU who enforced its rules undemocratically. But this government also screwed that BREXIT up.
I should not divert from what is a platform for autism. Perhaps your hyperactive thinking is contagious!
I shall text with you later. Bye Bye for now.