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HI EVERYONE!

NAS83898

I've recently been diagnosed with high functioning autism. I am a retired electro/mechanical technician who has served in a number of industries here and abroad as well as the military, so my experiences are wide but always were in connection with positions where operational tasks could be performed alone.  I am looking for an adult group I can continue to try to assimilate into as fitting into a group has been a trial for me since childhood. Added to my "oddness" is my American accent having been raised in New York City. This instantly has put me on a weak footing to be warmly welcomed and engaged with, complemented by my own "standoffishness" that has become my deeply ingrained defence mechanism here in Norfolk/Suffolk, a very conservative region where I have lived since 1971. Over this time, I have experienced repetitive failed attempts to engage with social groups. This includes negative outcomes with the U3A, Odd Fellows, and Lions where one "gentleman" who originated in Vietnam, stated he has had great pleasure in killing Americans during that conflict. So, --- my question to you is am I destined to die a misfit, or do you think there may be some salvation for me through a suitable adult group I can feel at ease with supported by the knowledge they are just as odd as I am or, am I to continue on this lonely path of social rejection. 

  • Hello traveller

    There isn't many among us who managed to survive so many changes and moving from place to place. You are stubborn like a donkey, my mom used to say about me. But I was forced by circumstances, otherwise I wouldn't certainly decide to do it. What about you? Did you enter millitary knowing you'll be moved from place to place without fear of it?

    I gave up on trying to fit anywhere in real word, I just live in my own bubble now. 

  • in reply to Desmond79

    Hi Desmond79, there have been many downers along the way directly attributable to my autism despite the "adventure". If only it was recognised as a child, I would not have made the same past decisions as it has been a rough ride. I do consider myself lucky as it could have been so much worse. My older brother remained a bachelor, but he didn't seem happy so I must count my blessings.

  • Looks like you had an amazing adventure. Smiley

    If I could do a quarter of that, I'll be flying.

  • in reply to Luna

    Many thanks for your welcoming. I have spent a lifetime being socially snubbed at work and where I live.  I am use to it now.  There are always rare exceptions who are the people that keep me going. I am fortunate to have an odd next-door neighbour who is a single retired plumber, who happens to be a Gogh. When I was self-employed, he worked with me.  I am retired now, and both my wife and I engage with him daily.  He has become a good friend, but sadly is considering moving on.  If he does move on it will be our loss as he is the ONLY long-term friendship I ever had --- we understand each other without judgements. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    I totally understand your reticence to me as a stranger and appreciate your current and future interaction.

    Sincerest regards

  • I'm so sorry to read this. That's a horrible thing to go through, sadly some people can be really horrible at times. It's understandable that you're feeling like this now. In the past I've been mistreated and had cruel things said to me and about me - it's not nice and very upsetting but defos don't think all people are like that because they aren't, the nice outweigh the mean and hopefully in future you'll meet people who will treat you kindly and respectfully :) 

    Welcome to the community by the way - this community is lovely and I hope you'll feel welcomed and happy here.

  • in reply to NAS83898

    Useful tip = ignore the "top 1%" nonsense, it is meaningless.

    I judge if someone is established in this place by their "points" - which you acquire by interacting.  I am generally confident that anyone with circa 1500 has been around this place for a while and is probably known and accepted not to be a threat to the majority.

    In terms of me, I'm sure you will appreciate that I'd like to understand your modus operandi more before sinking into the deep philosophical realities of my weird and wonderful self, whether ASD or otherwise!

    I look forward to interacting with you again soon.

    Kind regards

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Yes, I respect you're in the top %1, and recognize how "converted" you are ---well done!  It's early day's yet to expect further responses to my initial plea so soon. The more the merrier.  Regarding your own ASD what slice of the pie are you?

  • in reply to NAS83898

    If you look at "all" the details on my profile and all of my previous contributions here, you will note that you are most definitely preaching to the converted!

  • in reply to Deleted User

    Thanks for the welcoming. One has to be careful with interpersonal connections over the internet. Part of my NYC upbringing that remains with me is a high order of self-preservation from that environment where one must always inwardly ask oneself "what's this guy after". I know I left the "Big Apple" a long time ago, but old habits die hard, and I find it extremely difficult to let my guard down to relax enough. Yes, I plan to stick around a bit more and hopefully learn to relax more --- always with due diligence! 

    I've always been a "hands on" practical guy. 

  • Good afternoon NAS83898.  I have only ever really felt part of an "adult group" through work.....and then NT hierarchical factors always somewhat spoil the potential for genuine community connection.  I do not intend to retire because of this connection that it offers to me.  I am extremely comfortable interacting with others when we have a shared common interest and I have special expertise and competencies in that interest so that I can help.

    The "gentleman" whom you mention above is a sad and small minded little hick - give him no more thought apart from pity if you can muster that.

    In the meanwhile, I can report that this place is a community of adults with whom I feel a great deal of connection.  OK, so it is not "in person" but it is most definitely "interpersonal" in terms of the connections.  This place is of great value to me.

    99% of the time everything is friendly and calm.  I like that very much.....  although someone will inevitably challenge you on the use of "high functioning" and "with" in terms of autism.

    You are very welcome here and I hope you will stick around to share more of your (inevitably) interesting life to date.

    Kind regards