Violence, beliefs, desperate parent

>because he didn't agree with the team sharing any safeguarding issues, should they arise during discussions

>His is aggressive and violent. Most recently attacking me and needing to be restrained by his father during an initial assessment with the Complex Autism Team

This *is* a safeguarding issue.  There is no consent required to share safeguarding concerns.  I would contact your council's safeguarding team and discuss this.

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

He needs to find a mentor or someone who can see him.

Easier said than done - but abso * lutely!  You can't allow to be beaten up - "end of."

JuniperFromGallifrey said:

use a new perspective on him, one that doesn’t involve power

I think this wholly necessary to allow any type of mutual progress with your son.

And I do love a well informed Captain, as always.

dont press him or challenge his beliefs. let him be his own person... and if he is a bit of a conspiracy nut getting all authoritarian on him isnt going to help change his beliefs. think of him as an animal in a cage that will hurt itself to escape. dont put him in that position, you know what will happen. focus on his wellbeing. 

It sounds to me as if he feels life is pointless. Like he’s given up and at the end of his rope.

It also sounds like you could use a new perspective on him, one that doesn’t involve power. One where he feels safe to be vulnerable and open, to learn and grow. 

We mature at a different pace than our peers, but we can have a great capacity and potential. It’s often overlooked. We are unseen. We go through most of life feeling misunderstood, misinterpreted, misrepresented, struggling to communicate. And that has a severe impact on one’s state of being.. 

If you haven’t read Erich Fromm, now might be the time.

have him get in touch with the chap who wrote this: https://autcollab.org/2020/04/30/autism-the-cultural-immune-system-of-human-societies/?fbclid=IwAR37xumHkRga0hADICA80wxaWycn7_Kr9Oc6uZhcs2zJ0QzamXOI4qwU2bQ He needs to find a mentor or someone who can see him.

And take him off anti-depressants. Get him involved in a study with Cannibas and find someone to help him work though issues of literally living 19 years misunderstood with anti-anxiety medication. Anti-depressants shut off the part of the brain autistics actually use. We use our brain different which is what makes us so different. Anti-anxiety deal with GABA and out of control gamma waves. One needs knowledge, and deeper understanding of the nature of things. Anti-depressants do something entirely different. 

There are all kinds of books you could also read which help understand the human need for purpose. For being believed in. For finding one’s ground, source, and how autistics flourish. This is also a good site https://neuroclastic.com/

he should be better than who he was the day before. the reason he has all these problems is he isnt better, and you dont think he should be better as then you feel hed be better than you then?

as i said martial arts training is often not really about fighting, most of the times you fight yourself and really work damned hard and put alot of blood sweat and tears into it. this is why when you ask a chinese person what is kung fu... they dont say its fighting or kicking ass, the truth of it... is that its really hard work, the hardest work you will ever feel in your life, harder work than our jobs, so much hard work that it makes any hard manual labour job seem very easy, to the point that you then see even the hardest manual labour as something you can easily do and are motivated to do. such a thing can make him change and go out there and get a job and thus... become the wage slave he thinks others are, and become a better worker than others are at that too as kung fu training is 1 million times harder than any manual labour job. sometimes you need to break and tame a kid, the school system doesnt do that, its too soft.... martial arts teachers can do that, if you find the right one that is willing to beast your kids like some sort of military boot camp...... infact it works the same way as if i just said to you the stereotype "bring back national service" and make him be put through a beasting in military boot camp, that is basically the same effect, and youd have likely agreed to that one as most people do, but it is the same although martial arts would have more respect and less bad blood and less shouty antagonism and more approachability which i think makes the whole process better for the person.

although kids these days are lazy and only want to play games... if your kids like that then i dunno, how can he see himself superior to "wage slaves" when hes likely weaker and less fit than them? ....surely if he feels superior hed like to pursue that and make that a reality right? ...and if he does, hed end up becoming a worker anyway because then its easy lol in the end fitness and self development helps, sitting around in his room with delusions that dont match the reality of his own weakness will just be a hole he cannot climb out of.

i dunno what else, perhaps you can point out to him... that the "wage slaves" have money and can buy things... and thus with their money they become "chads" and they get the girls? ... he might understand putting it like that.... and if he never gets a job and never changes, he just becomes the weak poor depressed person that never gets a girl and will end up homeless and looked down upon by the wage slaves right? ...ask him, will he feel superior then? and isnt it more alpha and chad like to be the one with the job and the money who can get the girl and the life and the property? or would he like to be the poor smelly homeless that is looked down on?

also likely he probably is perhaps pretty right wing then.... but yet you can point out that his joblessness and lack of ability to make it makes him more like a hyper left wing liberal as they are often all on welfare lol theres quite alot of room to snap him into shape there and point out things while sticking to his own view of the world which is likely been shaped by the internet given hes used the "wage slave" meme term lol

so he was some what socially isolated ? have you tried getting him invoved with groups or community  ?  get him an account here so he can talk thought his issues

I know it can be hard I suffer with simular kinds of things

you mention he spends a lot of time on his PC does he play games with people or talk to anyone  ?  you mentioned he is into conspiracy theoriesis im sure there a group out there he can talk about what he likes etc . i have one my self and it really helps 

Tired said:

PDA

He was.home educated, as I knew school wouldn't suit him. He didn't go to college (Special Needs) until he was 16.5yrs. 

His Dad and I may not last much longer if he keeps having violent rages. 

he has society does not understand him or his views he has most likey stufferd though bullying right ? going to teachers for help with nonthing being done ? and you expect him to  trust authority figures ? you expect him to get along with others when others hurt him ?

if he is getting violent its because hes simply frustrated and most likey people arent listening to him simply tell him if you are getting frustrated tell us in the simplest way mum/dad i am getting frustrated with this give him 5 minintes to carm down and ask him about what he is getting frustraed about and go from there . 

im sure he loves you and his dad every much and hate him self when he gets like that regulaion can take ages to come into being just give him a chance and know what you are doing the best you can

He hasn't been treated unfairly by society. He has done wrong to others through violence. 

I really don't want to make him better at violence. He is already stronger than both my husband and I. I also don't see working people wage slaves. We should all have to work to support ourselves and it's insulting that you think he should be better than those of us who do an honest days work. Martial Arts isn't the answer to everything. 

people with autism have allways been a target for the goverment i dont blame him i have been a victim of what types safeguarding measures and how ridiculous the people can be with them he has a Distrust of the system that has never given him a fair and treatment ( most likey )

You are right  Being Autistic doesn't give anyone the right to behave in the way he does, but what does give him the right to be mad and angry is how he is treated by wider society just understand that if anything i cant speak for his personal experiance or yours just know that  just try and understand his point of view on things

thats a long hard path he has to take to improve.... i recommend martial arts and fitness.. he will accept it because it can be used to say its to build him up and make him badass, a chad, a alpha, make him better than the wojack wage slaves.... he will take to it, and the martial arts and fitness and training will change him and make him a diligent hard worker and if he takes to it and is serious then over time he will think and he will change and it will reverberate and change through many aspects of his life. he will realise the training makes manual work very easy and even pleasurable and makes him a good worker, when he gets to that stage of working. which may require alot of advancement in thought and planning... general growing up, he can do it so long as you can motivate him in some way... perhaps try not to mention work though or anything, more so on trying to improve him and make him better than others, try and play to his fantasies and help him advance, unknowingly your turning him into a hard worker and taking control of his development. his mind will fix itself with experience and growth if guided and encouraged. take control of his path by taking control of the narrative he believes, or more latching onto it... wanna be better than wage slave? then train martial arts and be physically above them shattered worn down wagies.. trains martial and he unwittingly becomes a very good worker as martial arts is just hard work rebranded in a way to train children how to be labourers in china! lol

Tired said:

He believes that there is a higher power controlling the government

but there likely is though.... but thats no reason for him to act violent or even attack his parents...

government is a total sham though, a puppet show... do you honestly believe these people we so called elect and are in power for a tiny space in time really have any direction of the country and where its going? .... the countries direction and plan for it is more long term and is directed over hundreds if not thousands of years and cannot simply be changed or directed or moved by a 4 year term. there is higher powers beyond, this election process we do is to quell the masses and to make us think we have a choice when we dont, a shadow government is most likely behind things to some degree, maybe even the notions of seperate nations are a lie and perhaps humanity is unified under this singular shadow government? who knows.... but in the end even if your aware of this its no excuse to change your life, no matter what you do you cant effect the world or change it, it is beyond us, you can just go about your life and live your own life, you cant do anything about it.... he can still lead a happy safe life and advance and attain wealth although to be honest attaining wealth is a bit hard as the system is infact created to make us all slaves and rebrand the word slave into something more acceptable.

but anyways your son could perhaps do with a talk to on a level of understanding his concerns and discussing them with him and perhaps exploring all the what ifs and possibilities with him while drilling into him that theres nothing he can do and its honestly better just getting on with his life. this speaking from his level and exploring the topic with him can make him see you as a ally and thus may get rid of the violence as hed see you as a understanding comrade. i suppose in a sense he will feel in that case that you are there for him no matter what. governments and nations shouldnt matter, you as a family are together and there for each other no matter what dodgy stuff the government and its controllers will pull. 

I'm really sorry to read of your troubles.  I'm really sorry that I don't have any constructive advice for you, nor experience of such matters.

I just wanted to write to offer my sympathies to you for the extreme load that you are being forced to carry at the moment.

Inevitably, things will change.  God's speed and best wishes to you all.

He knows what he's doing. He has me over a barrel. I can't escape this now. We have every service imaginable involved and he knows this. He won't talk to us about his emotions or when he's getting angry, he just explodes. Slamming my head against a wall yesterday, he's dragged me by my hair across the floor, spat in my face, I won't go on. But it's all about him all the time, to the detriment of my other children and my relationship with his father. I told him I'd rather not be here anymore and he told me to go and kill myself. This is not textbook "oh he's anxious about something" crap. This is control. He wants control of our lives and doesn't want to have to change anything in his to improve things. 

He doesn't want to do anything. He's been excluded from his Special Needs college. He has no ambition, doesn't want to be a "wage slave" as he puts it, doesn't want to volunteer, or do work experience. We have set a good example, we both work, have decent jobs, earn enough to have a stable life, have a nice home, lovely siblings, holidays etc...But he is just there, ruling it all, not willing to help, or change, or better himself. 

He is on antidepressants and the lowest  dose antipsychotic. But his behaviour was the same before starting these a few months ago. This most recent episode is not the worst of it. 

Yes having a male to restrain him is good, as I'd probably be dead by now. But he split my husband's eye open yesterday (his Dad), he's broken his rib, bitten his arm, damaged his back, I could go on. My husband is nearly 60 and can't do this anymore.

I can understand what it must be like for you, and I can empathise. What I wanted to say was, I don’t think your son is behaving badly for effect. I feel it is because he is overwhelmed/anxious about ‘something’. He certainly isn’t making things difficult for himself. He probably doesn’t know how to help himself, nor is able to do it himself. I don’t expect he knows where to start, and I am pretty sure he knows that you won’t be here forever. 
So, what can you do? First off, try and identify triggers with him. Could be something very simple to change. I would go to your GP or service that can help support you with things to try, or some respite for you etc.

You could contact autismandadhd.org for advice in the meantime. 

If you are able, please remember to practice self care, even for 10 minutes. You need to make sure that you are mentally and physically on top form for your own sake, and to be strong enough to care for your son. reach out for help too, by way of counselling or similar. You have a lot in your plate right now, and it might help to see things from a new perspective, and arm you with the ability to cope better. 

My brother was like that, at his age. But, once he went to Tech, he rebuilt his life. He ended up graduating from Uni in 2020.

Perhaps see if there's an employability programme for those aged 18 to 24. That's what helped my brother. 

I am in a completely different place with my 30 year old who was sucked into the mental health system at 17 years old with oddities that had only happened over a two week period and the Crisis team whipped him into hospital and drugged him with antipsychotics that caused confusion, agitation and agression, this had not happened to any extent off drugs, he experienced bad OCD and bad anxiety, don't underestimate the anxiety and pani atteacks. Your son is at that tricky age of raging hormones and changes and some things are out of his control, he has double bubble as they say compared to the average youth.

Need to find out what his getting him down in particular before things go to agression. And it is finding ways to cope with them. I really feel for you, because one thing you don't want is the mental health system getting involved and drugs, unless there are already drugs involved?? I'm sorry to say they do cause aggtation and more and paranioa, and other things.

Its good that you have male back up, but I understand the living in fear and tip toeing around in your own shadow. Let me know where your at, I might be able to shine a very smalll light to help. You just want your son to be your son, I know, its a realy heart suffering thing.