Violence, beliefs, desperate parent

My son is 19yrs old, ASD, awaiting ADHD assessment and has PDA traits. His is aggressive and violent. Most recently attacking me and needing to be restrained by his father during an initial assessment with the Complex Autism Team. He would have hurt the staff present in the room. This is all because he didn't want to sign the consent form, because he didn't agree with the team sharing any safeguarding issues, should they arise during discussions. Four months we waited for this meeting, now that's another team that won't deal with him. He believes that there is a higher power controlling the government, but when pressed, has no substance to back up or prove these ridiculous theories. He is determined to break rules he believes are wrong, rules that allow us to live in a safe society. I am desperate. We can't go on or he will eventually hurt one of us or worse. I'm sick of him looking at crap on the internet that seems to suck in people with vulnerabilities like his. But I can't stop him accessing it, his PC is his only enjoyment. I don't know what I'm asking, but this is my life with him, one of control and fear, of hiding the bruises he inflicts, and then providing the love and care he needs after one of these episodes. One day I won't be here anymore, be it at his hands or my own or age. I can't see him ever moving on a having a normal life. He seems determined to make things as hard as possible for himself, and we're expected to just suffer it all, as he constantly maintains it's not his fault and there's nothing he can do. Can anyone please offer me any help, advice or hope because I am seriously losing the will to fight or stand up for him anymore. Being Autistic doesn't give anyone the right to behave in the way he does, but he seems to think it does and that he should be allowed to be above the law. 

Parents
  • It sounds to me as if he feels life is pointless. Like he’s given up and at the end of his rope.

    It also sounds like you could use a new perspective on him, one that doesn’t involve power. One where he feels safe to be vulnerable and open, to learn and grow. 

    We mature at a different pace than our peers, but we can have a great capacity and potential. It’s often overlooked. We are unseen. We go through most of life feeling misunderstood, misinterpreted, misrepresented, struggling to communicate. And that has a severe impact on one’s state of being.. 

    If you haven’t read Erich Fromm, now might be the time.

    have him get in touch with the chap who wrote this: https://autcollab.org/2020/04/30/autism-the-cultural-immune-system-of-human-societies/?fbclid=IwAR37xumHkRga0hADICA80wxaWycn7_Kr9Oc6uZhcs2zJ0QzamXOI4qwU2bQ He needs to find a mentor or someone who can see him.

    And take him off anti-depressants. Get him involved in a study with Cannibas and find someone to help him work though issues of literally living 19 years misunderstood with anti-anxiety medication. Anti-depressants shut off the part of the brain autistics actually use. We use our brain different which is what makes us so different. Anti-anxiety deal with GABA and out of control gamma waves. One needs knowledge, and deeper understanding of the nature of things. Anti-depressants do something entirely different. 

    There are all kinds of books you could also read which help understand the human need for purpose. For being believed in. For finding one’s ground, source, and how autistics flourish. This is also a good site https://neuroclastic.com/

  • He needs to find a mentor or someone who can see him.

    Easier said than done - but abso * lutely!  You can't allow to be beaten up - "end of."

    use a new perspective on him, one that doesn’t involve power

    I think this wholly necessary to allow any type of mutual progress with your son.

    And I do love a well informed Captain, as always.

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