Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
You are probably just missing one vital thing..........patience!
Keep going to the gym. Keep driving. Keep writing.
Keep yourself sane and calm. (That's an important one mate!)
Keep your eyes and heart open.
Keep your options open and don't discount anyone for any reason.
In my experience, some of the least likely people that I could have ever have imagined (thinking back to when and how I met them) have became my most cherished friends. I don't have many.
It isn't quantity, its quality that matters in the long run...........but we all need to survive day-to-day too.
So in the meanwhile - one of my mantras = "company is company"
Seek out company wherever and whenever you can.
Stay calm and collected and don't put NT pressure on yourself "to perform." You are who you are and that's fine.
Take a walk - its a big world out there filled with possibilities - but it does take time, so be patient.
Good luck.
I don’t have any good advice regarding optimising your approach to interacting with girls. The advice I can give you is if you feel the odds are against you you need to play the numbers. If finding a girl is 10 times harder you need to meet 10 times as many girls as your neurotypical peers. You need to be supper socially engaged even if that makes you very uncomfortable. Go to every party you’re invited to (if any) in fact if you can do so invite yourself. Join all the student clubs. Mix and mix with people even if it makes your skin crawl. Hopefully after a while you’ll get an idea of which places have the girls that might be open to being with a guy like you.