Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
I don’t have any good advice regarding optimising your approach to interacting with girls. The advice I can give you is if you feel the odds are against you you need to play the numbers. If finding a girl is 10 times harder you need to meet 10 times as many girls as your neurotypical peers. You need to be supper socially engaged even if that makes you very uncomfortable. Go to every party you’re invited to (if any) in fact if you can do so invite yourself. Join all the student clubs. Mix and mix with people even if it makes your skin crawl. Hopefully after a while you’ll get an idea of which places have the girls that might be open to being with a guy like you.
That happened to me with the one time I did internet dating back in 2002.
I bought a three day pass to a dating site, scrolled through 400 profiles at the end of the third day, picked 16 that I liked the look of, wrote to all of them telling 'em (just as my profile says) I don't have money, this is my last day of being able to use this system so please reply via email if you'd like to talk. fur replied which rapidly became three for a week or so until one of them dated me.
Today, may be our twentieth anniversary...
It's not been an easy ride, I'll be honest, she does not "enable" me like my previous partner did with paperwork and form filling, so I transitioned for being moderately affluent to totally skint quite quickly which I could not understand, and which has put an enormous strain on the relationship over the last twenty years, but when I got my diagnosis a couple of years back it made things a lot easier for both of us.