Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
it would be easier to date a very sociable neurotypical... because shed be so sociable shed interact with you making it easier and making it so you dont have to think of what to say, she does all the work basically... if you dated a autistic girl, youd both be silent and awkward and no side would really break the ice... it is better to date your opposite in that respect.
Yes, this is my thought. I was in an autistic coaching group session today and we had to be paired up (hated that in school because no one would ever want to be paired up with me lol) , and got paired up with this guy. We had to talk about what we wanted to achieve socially and what the challenges were. We managed to talk about that, and then no joke we just sat in the most awkward silence for like two minutes. I had to try hard not to laugh at the situation.
aye i always hated the picking games.... i not only get picked last.... but even when im last, i dont get picked, they always just decided to go on with 1 player less on their team rather than pick me. always sucked.
What dating apps would you recommend then?
Don't overthink it lol, but dont' think someone's just "nice" by acknowledging your existence. That's common human decency.
theres this new starter girl at work who got straight to contract due to knowing one of the managers, i suspect she maybe interested in me.... simply because she acknowledges my existance lol she seems quiet with others but wanting to talk to me, so i guess perhaps theres something there. or im imagining it and shes just trying to get to know her new colleagues lol
I recommend trying actual dating sites as opposed to dating apps like Tinder. I tried Bumble and think it should be renamed Bumhole because of the "hook up" style of it. Folks saying they want a relationship then being inappropriate are rife......
Regarding the girl you mention.... It shows more about the type of person she is than anything you are. How low to post about a "bad" date. Does she not have feelings for others????
I am female and very sad that you have endured such treatment by women. They are not deserving of you. Forget them and don't give up hope of the nice ones who will want you for you and not a meaningless escapade.
Best of luck.
H :-)
She lied about that! I never said I drove a BMW XD
Neither do I!
BUT, if it helps. I wore tidy clothes that didn't really make any "statement" about myself, looked clean and presentable and at ease. I told the truth as far as I knew it. (I Didn't know I was autistic) and as is absolutely neccessary with women focussed on their needs. (that's where living with a cat is superb training!)
Cat's being unapologetic and not making any effort to hide their "self before others mentality" make it easy to learn the neccesary give and take required to make a relationship work with another independent mind. (Although women are of course somewhat "next level" I found the training my first cat gave me really helped) And although I got my cat for company and because I'd discovered I liked the little beasts in my early twenties, it does not hurt for a woman to see that you can sucessfully care for a small creature. OF course on a bad day then "you care about that cat more than me!" can be heard, but that's women for you...
I probably broke some law or convention there, but in the real world, those are my findings...
i dont know how either you 2 could even have any response on dating sites either...i tried all the online dating sites, and id never get any views likes or messages and no responses to my messages lol its pointless.
F&&kin' hell mate, nightmare!! Never mention the nice car upfront, unless she asks what you drive...
Look, dating to get laid, is WAY different to dating to meet someone nice, and dating sites pre-filter a lot of that awkwardness out of things usually. Most young people want sex anyway, it's a given, even the "nice" girls, but the worthwhile ones will want to be choosy about it, so if I were you, I'd tick the looking for a long term relationship box rather than the looking for mindless fun box. And if you are as cold and methodical as I can be, you can use a daring site to (having set up your preferences, & profile) sort though an enormous amount of potential partners, which would take you years in real life (as I mentioned earlier) and just pick a few that you think you could possibly have a good time with even if there was no sex on the table. Let her suggest the place and if it's out of your price range or in any other way really "unsuitable" for you be up front about it. She'll either leave because you aren't what she wanted or respect you for being able to express what YOU want and adjust her expectations accordingly..
And THIS, my young friend is the upside of getting old, you can clue up the young people as to what you've learned by experience and if they listen and you turn out not to be an idiot, and your advice, knowledge works for them, it's a better rush than cocaine. (In my opinion, because you don't just feel awesome like cocaine makes you think you are, you actually were for a brief moment, awesome in a way that matters)
I hope you've got something out of my posts, and it "works for you" I haven't felt "awesome" in quite a while now...