Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm 19 and have no friends or girlfriend. I always struggled to understand why i didn't really have friends, i never really had when i started middle/secondary school. Everyone just thought i was shy etc. I tried university but it didn't really work out, i got very ill, i struggled to focus on the course (literally yesterday i was diagnosed with adhd), so i quit, and then i found out that people had made up malicous rumours about me and the girls i was with just thought i was funny and never stayed in touch after i left. How do I find friends or a relationship with a girl etc? I've had one girlfriend it was someone i knew from elementary/primary school who we connected with in lockdown but it lasted barely 2 months if that. I've tried apps like tinder and i can never understand if people are joking or not by the stuff they say on there, usually they just want sex and often theyr'e just plain malicous girls. I think I met an autistic person on a forum who i talked to for a while, a girl, but this might sound bad but I feel like i'd deal with dating an autistic person id find that harder than dating a neurotypical? In the case i had when i was talking to this girl she was just very clingy and would like say "i guess you dont like me" if i didn't reply to a text straight away etc. I'm so lonely and its driven me to suicide attempts before. I've been on my own for so long im just "sick of it" - statements like "oh focus on yourself" dont really mean anything ive had plenty of time for that. I don't really have any typical autistic hobbies tbh - I just like going to the gym, driving, and ocassionally writing.
it would be easier to date a very sociable neurotypical... because shed be so sociable shed interact with you making it easier and making it so you dont have to think of what to say, she does all the work basically... if you dated a autistic girl, youd both be silent and awkward and no side would really break the ice... it is better to date your opposite in that respect.
Completely untrue. Not all autistic people find it hard to make conversation and would sit there silent! just as not all NTs know how to be sociable. Everyone is different.
I find I need to make just as much effort with an NT partner, as I would with a ND one. My last long term partner was undiagnosed ASD and he was able to make conversation and suggest things to do and places to go. He was more sociable than me. He got me doing much more than I would normally.
My last date was with an NT man, and I had to instigate all the conversation and plans. He wasn’t even much of an introvert and I made him awkward because he was attracted to me. He knew I was autistic from the get go, which made me feel much more in control and like myself.
that's right
Caelus said: a very sociable neurotypical.
even if I wasn't autistic it would be recommended for me according to Myers-Briggs
I'm INTJ (and many autistic falls into that cathegory) and best matches for me are ENTP or ENFP. I don't think I've ever talked to one of those, they're rare bords
ENFP is described as 'chaperone'
Yes, this is my thought. I was in an autistic coaching group session today and we had to be paired up (hated that in school because no one would ever want to be paired up with me lol) , and got paired up with this guy. We had to talk about what we wanted to achieve socially and what the challenges were. We managed to talk about that, and then no joke we just sat in the most awkward silence for like two minutes. I had to try hard not to laugh at the situation.