Rudeness

You are very welcome. We are all here for you.

Thank you all for your comments I am just going to try and forget it now and put it behind me.

Thank️ you all x

I was going to say that lmao XD 

should have pointed in the wrong direction for a laugh.

That was a very unpleasant thing to happen to you. As difficult as it is try not to let it get to you. You are certainly not a horrible person for reacting that way. The woman spoke to you very rudely.

I find it difficult to go out for a walk due to my anxiety. Like you I always feeling my anxiety increasing if I see anyone approaching, in case they try and talk to me. I try to just smile and say hello, while I keep walking, but it doesn't always work. I have reacted in similar ways myself, where the words just won't come out. It isn't nice.

If she was asking directions it means she was a stranger to the area. That means you are unlikely to encounter her again.

Maybe you could get one of the 'I am autistic' cards from here https://www.autism.org.uk/shop/products/merchandise/alert-card

Hopefully nothing like that will happen again, but if it did you could show the person the card. On the back of the card it says the following:

Autistic people sometimes:

• struggle with change, new situations and talking to new people
• get very anxious in social situations
• feel overwhelmed by lights, noise and too much information
• need extra time to process information, like questions
• or instructions have meltdowns or go into shut down if it is all too much

I’m sorry that you experienced this. Unfortunately people can be rude in moments like you described, but try to take comfort in knowing that you wouldn’t treat someone like that. That person hopefully didn’t mean to react like that and hopefully will reflect on their impatience. But if not, and they are just that way inclined, they have to live a life of treating others like that and being treated that way in turn. The only people we are responsible for is ourselves, everyone else is responsible for themselves. So try not to put pressure on yourself to change in response to her rudeness, if anything it should be her attitude that changes. If she was in a position of needing assistance, she shouldn’t be so quick to jump to insults etc. A lack of preparation on her part does not constitute an emergency on yours. Keep putting manners, understanding and positivity out there, we need more of it!

hello holly, its not your fault, perhaps not the womans fault either, that happens to me aswell, just kind of feel "taken by surprise" even if preparing for it, perhaps due to that, as im going through scenarios in my head, which never happen and thus miss the simplest things.

but dont be hard on yourself, i do that too when i get like that, kind of acts as a reminder of things, but its ok, it happens, not your fault alright?

I am sorry you had this experience. I had an experience when on holiday once and a woman criticized me for taking my son into the town, as he was experiencing a meltdown and I remember how awful that felt. She didn't know why we were there.

The woman you met didn't know the reason you were unable to speak, so it was wrong for her to comment. If this is likely to make things difficult in future (although hopefully you won't have the same experience again), would it help to have a small card with a message to show someone saying something like, sorry I am unable to help.

I get the feeling sometimes that the person coming to talk to me is highly judgmental, and I should beware. If I manage to say as little as possible and it answers their question it happens I get no nasty comment, but more often if I did just that the comment happens anyway for many other reasons percived by them as something wrong about our demeanor

I am sorry you feel this way.  Please don’t let other people’s assumptions about you make you feel down.

HollyTheWally said:

I'm not sure how you guys respond when this happens but my whole body tenses up, my throat gets tight, my stomach knots and I can't say a thing. I try to, I want to but my brain freezes and nothing happens

This sounds really horrible, I am sure many of us in this autistic community have experienced something similar. You are not alone. I used to have situational mutism which sounds very similar to your freeze response to anxiety. Be kind to yourself, your autistic brain was only trying to protect you from an uncomfortable conversation.

HollyTheWally said:

Once again autism and anxiety won and made me look like a horrible person

I know this might be difficult to recognise now but your autistic brain was only trying to protect yourself from this woman. 

Your feelings and thoughts about engaging in interaction with this woman are perfectly valid and you don’t deserve to have a potentially great day ruined by a stranger.

We are here for you, we are your autistic community. We will validate you, regardless of how you feel.

I hope this response helps you feel slightly better.

Hello,

I am sorry this happened to you and please do not dwell on it as she was being rude. I do experience this a lot sadly but feel it says more about the other person than me. Please do not let it put you off as I find that other people can be fine and polite with me. I always remember the good people I meet not the rude ones.   

She had no right to speak to you that way. Maybe she was having a bad day.

I'm sorry you are feeling down. I remember many years ago not being able to say anything to anyone I didn't know. I read a book that suggested practicing saying one word to a shop-keeper and working up from that. I made myself say hello and moving on to saying that it was a nice day. It was awkward and embarrassing but little by little I did manage to do it. Years later and I can chat quite happily to anyone. The pandemic meant that I lost confidence after a few years of avoiding people and I have had to work hard to bring it back. Perhaps what you are experiencing is not the same as what I had and maybe someone else can give you some ideas. However, don't worry about being criticised, it sounds like the woman was even more rude making comments about you.