Who else goes to prostitutes

Yea I get bothered seeing young couples in public. I mean I am out doing an activity I enjoy, like swimming at the beach, a young couple comes by, I feel both sad and angry. I feel sad I cant have that and angry that I am denied that and blame my aspergers. What made matters worse was I was seeing a very bad negative therapist who told me I cant have a girlfriend cuz I have aspergers. His words stuck in my head, even though I fired the therapist almost 3 years ago (I have a hard time letting the past go)

Also speaking of the past, I failed to mention that I was homeschooled from age 10 all the way up to 17. Since my mom forced me to be homeschooled, I did not get to go to highschool, so I had zero chance of teen dating. I wonder if I had gone to regular school, if I would have maybe had better chance at least. Also my mom was a helicopter mom and treated me like a mamas boy into my 20s, constantly watching me, so I feel that also contributed to me being alone (my mom ended up getting cancer and died when I was 30 in 2018 - sad way to end things but it made me independent finally) 

So I honestly feel me going to prostitutes is my way of rebelling against my disability and unfair life. This isnt about me being sex crazed, this is more being defiant and thinking me being a man-whore or male $lut is better than being a virgin. I hope this clarifies. 

I am too afraid to even go to a prostitute. How sad is that? I struggle so much with any interaction with other humans. Even if I was paying for it I think it would be too overwhelming for me and make me very anxious. I'm cursed to a life of celibacy.

I'm like a robot when I'm talking people. I'm far too analytical and logical and don't connect with people. I don't understand small talk or social niceties and my interests are very specific and niche (never met anyone with the same interests). All the things that normal people like, especially women, I don't have anything to say about them. In most social situations I am relegated to either saying nothing or just monosyllabic "yes" and "no".

I did try very hard to fit in and find a girlfriend when I was younger but women always think I am weird. Sometimes they would approach me but I make such a bad initial impression. It takes me 6+ months to feel comfortable around someone. And I have no ability to read signals, it seems like women are constantly expecting you to guess what's in their head. They never come out and just say what they're thinking or feeling. It's like it's some test you have to pass. I can't do it. That's why I gave up.

Mariusz said:

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

You did very well, compared to some of the rest of us, but you finally wrote something that is substantially less than wise... 

Most of us are halfway towards living as hermits, but you still need to be able to identify lies.

Otherwise you might end up owning a Renault and thinking you have a good relaible car. Or a modern laptop and expect it to make it past two years. OR you answer the phone and end up allowing someone to reconfigure your computer for THEIR benefit...

And just to throw in a controversial topic, if you have no tools for spotting deception, you could end up letting someone insert a genetic engineering tool into your body, which has been falsely described as a vaccine to fight a virus which itself has been falsely described as being very lethal across the board. It may be many years before the truth of this matter becomes fully accepted public knowledge, but I KNOW it will eventually, because the truth is immutable. There can be only one truth, and it has to dovetail seamlessly with all of the other truth you hold about reality. The Covid-19 Psychological operations were massive which is why the basic lie "This is a vaccine" has taken root in so many minds, but it will clear eventually. 

In many cases, once you have some basic skills and allow you intuition to develop spotting deception becomes a useful and interesting "hobby".

Like when I bought my last used car from a dealer. During the test drive I knew that when he turned on the radio (a well known tactic used by the savvy to cover up any embarassing quite noises) I needed t sharpen my perceptions. And there it was, a quiet whine coming from the differential... I now knew he was keen to get shot of this car, (which was overall in superb condition for it's age), and that knowledge was worth about £400 off the asking price, after I had finished feigning less interest than I actually had in purchasing the vehicle. (A decent used diff was at the time around £250, when at the time I budgetted £1250 per annum for effective maintenance. But if you are paying circa £1500 for a car that cost it's original owner fourteen years previously £68,000 and expecting absolute reliabilty as well as a nice drive, you have to budget properly for maintenance, and know where to go) 

Dan Savage is an advice columnist that writes about these topic regularly. You should look up his column and podcast. He also has sex workera contribute to the advice and occasionally mental health professionals. 

meaning to focus on it, while I can only think about running away

my non-autistic friend was offering to teach me that last year, but I decided it's not worth the trouble

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

It is possible to detect signs that a person is lying. The techniques are taught to people in various policing and security roles. It requires minute observation, which is an autistic strength.

Look I was doing that all in my teens and 20s (I was a virgin until I was 30), I need the real thing. Also I like to do kissing and caressing (yes the girls I see let me kiss, I know some escorts do not allow kissing, but I always make sure to weed out the ones that do), so more for that reason I go to them

I don't think sci-fi is nessiceraly a good indicator. I watched the jetsons, we don't have flying cars or robot maids yet. We do have sex dolls. We do have people putting 'alexa' grade AI into sex dolls. We have lewd tubers working as cam girls, real girls but working with motion capture technology to make a CGI 3d model do sexual acts on screen. Technology is already heading this way. Yes a VR girlfriend might need occasional human intervention to get things right. Maybe every now and again when you ask a difficult question in some room the VR girlfriend company has a person who can read your question as text and suggest a response to the AI. you see it would likely be a cloud service. That's the real ethical issue. Do you want an AI you have sex (or cyber sex) with on a corporate server. Do you want them handling all the data of you 'interacting' with that AI? Even if none of that data is leaked or stored by the company the AI program it self has 'stored' some of it by using it as training data. In order to remember things about you, to learn your preferences, the AI has to internalise data about you and your sexual activity.

On the other hand I'd like to see some one try option 2 just to see the reaction. Maybe we could get sasha baron cohen to turn up at a student rag week in disguise and pitch a charity for students to volunteer to have sex with autistic people. I can tell you he'd be marched off site by security pretty quick. You might get a bit more traction if you pitched it as a charity for sex with disabled people because frankly people have more sympathy for the physically handicapped but I still think most places would polightly refuse to let you advertise your charity through them. In fact I'm not even sure the charity commission would let you register that as a charity. That in itself would make a good hidden camera documentary. Trying to get the charity commission to green light that.

I still think option 3 is the most viable. It would generate a public back lash but it could probably pass the scrutiny of the charity commission. Charities that polarise opinion are fine to run provided they polarise in both directions. That way for every detractor calling for your head you get a supporter willing to dig into their pockets to make it work.

you wouldn't because it might also be flirtation, or anger. How high is the eye brow raised, how long? Is it a casual motion or an aggressive twitch? What is the rest of the face doing? With out this data and a system for interpreting it it's not going to work.

Actually I did some reading on this last night and it seems research has come on. It seems computer vision AI can now recognise between 20-30 distinct emotional facial states and researchers still think thats fewer than the average human. But suppose we teach autistic people to make all 20-30 of those facial expressions and read all those expressions. That still doesn't tell them which face to make when. And with this fantastic mental effort going on in their heads to try and analytically match the face to a series of rules they've been taught how are they actually meant to focus on the conversation itself.

As I've said with option 3. Having an assistant there, a 'wing man' who can nudge them into the correct interpretation of the targets emotional response and interrupt as a distraction if they are emitting signals that might be miss read is likely to be far more effective than trying to teach an autistic person to apply a logical system that emulates human dating behaviour.

For some of us it's a bit like choosing porage when you know there's "jordans crunchy" available!

Although in a a long term relationship "muesli" supply issues aren't uncommon, so porage has it's place, of course...

Maybe I'm missing something here but assuming that a person has at least one functioning hand, that seems like an easier solution than using prostitutes?

If you've fathered a child into this harsh & dangerous world that you are unable or unwilling to devote every fibre of your being to bring up right, than, I'm sorry chap, but you may well have done a far worse thing than that blag artist...

You sound an awful lot where I would have gone if I'd not (after careful observation of such people, and their opposite numbers) chosen a more christian set of values to follow as a lifestyle rather than a theological choice.

I have that "I'm not going to do what I am told" demon and his mate the "i'm not going to do the thing that I know is right because it's boring" demon. (If you don't like demon, lets get secular and call it "tendancy" from now on)

What I do is pit the two negative tendancies against each other. I figure it thus: 

I want a happy life, and good things including relationships. THIS is my priority

The second negative impulse is stopping me from having that, by telling me what to do, (And I can see plainly that it is steering me wrong). FIX THIS IDEA IN YOUR MIND (if you want to live!) 

NOW, This is where religious belief gives you a huge advantage with the "demons" because it makes the process of changing your own behaviours an attitudes MUCH easier (because that's what religion does, when used properly, and not for persecuting other people who haven't got your religion!). You will automatically  visualise the demons fighting, and can encourage them to hate each other in your mind. This imaging is a powerful way to change your own mind.

However you do it, once you have your two negative tendancies* engaged with each other, and not influencing YOU, You can re-examine you choices with much greater freedom from being told what to do.

* (subroutines in your subconcious, antagaonistic neurons, where ever they come from, does not matter, the important thing is to pit 'em against each other!)

You probably realise with some certainty that use of prostittutes is a big no-no with the sort of woman you'd like to have a relationship with... You probably also feel the damage it is doing to your ability to love.

I think from what you tell us you are well able to function in many ways, (what's the longest you've held down a job? If I may ask for my own personal reasons) so you might actually have the capacity to make the changes you'd need to make in yourself to really light up a woman in bed*, and make a child who grows up to be better than you. *It's got WAY, WAY, less to do with sex, than every form of media you are exposed to tells you.. 

But ya gotta "pay to play"!

Except in a tiny, tiny, number of humans most of our life is spent trying to occupy ourselves inbetween rare moments of nirvana. IF you are really going to take on a lifetime relationship with a woman, and have a child, there will be BAD TIMES, which as a traditional heterosexual MAN YOU have to navigate sucessfully, towing your complaining woman behind, except on those occasions (easy to miss, they are, too!) where she does it for you... 

I'm in a twenty year relationship where between 2011 and 2020 things were very rocky indeed. It seemed like we stopped loving each other. It was T.B.H. horrible. THIS TIME I didn't quit. I decided to sort my own *** out, which lead me to discover my Aspergers/Autism and seize control over some aspects of my life and relationship..

You already know that a vast majority of women like a "masculine" man. What took me a long time to realise, is that it is very masculine indeed to care about how she feels, whilst at the same time it isn't very masculine to try and do anything about most of those feelings! 

A woman is like a nice car or a flying machine, in that you HAVE to look after them, and it's hard work that sometimes appears at the most inopportune moments. Like when she says "I'm pregnant"...

(Anyone who owns a nice car or aeroplane, and keeps it going for longer than four years, will tell you all about working to keep it nice)

Yes, for many people, I've just (unapologeticaly) spouted "sexism". It's a thread about sex in this case, and for those of us with fixed gender and traditional leanings both male and female, sex works better with a bit of "sexism"...  

At least I am not as bad as this guy, reading this reminds me there are people out there with worse issues than me

https://www.washingtonpost.com/crime-law/2018/09/14/he-pretended-have-down-syndrome-having-caregivers-bathe-him-change-his-diapers-police-say/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UC7YsXZVjm8

www.fox10phoenix.com/.../caregivers-allegedly-duped-by-man-who-paid-them-to-change-his-diapers-speak-out

Oh no these are not escort agencies. These are independent escorts, many of whom live at run down motels or in bad ghetto areas. And I am not after just sex, I also am lonely for companionship. I have tried to establish fwb with some of these girls. And sometimes will do stuff with them like swimming or dinner or give them rides. However, many of them see how needy and lonely I am and take advantage of me. They sucker me into lending them money in exchange for future free hookups, then ghost me and never follow thru. Or get me to give them rides to buy drugs from their dealers. 

Yes we did have a sorta friendship, she even told me we were a couple. However, I was paying her for her company, so not a real relationship. As long as money is involved, its still prostitution. She did an overnight with me, she charged me money still. And then she manipulated me by telling me that relationships work where the guy gives the girl money, trying to get me to give her money everyday, even when I was not seeing her for sex (I didnt see her for sex everyday, more like twice a week). 

She has had a rough life and is bad drug user. but still I do not think it is ok to lie and manipulate someone, particularly someone with autism. 

from math point of view it's all valid

 since it can only happen in reality we should really consider only option 2 and 4 (while concealing the fact from the target) 

if you watched Humans you will understand that there is many more ethical issues about option 4, and there is its unfeasibility, since we do the coding, true AI can't happen

it means 4 is a distant future, at the moment you can go Howard Wolowitx style if you want to go for 4

any volunteers?

I can understand your situation, I am not autistic but my friend is, I do not know it when I first met him about 3 months ago,  I cannot sleep and then search and find this group.

I  female and therefore understand that it is difficult for you to have relationship. Shall we focus on how you can fix the problem one by one.

For, the addiction to prostitutes, you ate very careless, you need the protection. First you need to remember this, second try to stop it.

Then, yell her and ask the pregnant to give a DNA test, if it is not yours, forget it. If it is yours, then think about how to take care of the child.

Go to doctors for all the sex disease problem.

Continously to share here to gain support and discussion.

Martin said:

eplaced by the conscious application of learned knowledge.

it is not a feasible option because regular non-autistic start lying from the moment they encounter another person every day

there is many more variables in that scenario

but skipping dismantling it into parts of my version of logical conclusion

even if you said it, I'm not sure if it is actually what they feel, and if it is always true for every other person as well

it could be suprise,

or a face  that accompanies taking in a deep breath without any feeling attached. sort of 'sigh'

and there is probably many more possibilies

you probably made the right choice to be fair... do what makes you happy.... think, if you never had sex and remained a virgin for life youd have been very miserable, even more so for missing out, and feel like you have wasted your life and your youth. feel worthless as a human. its a aweful thing. so dont look back in regret, you did what you had to do to satisfy your natural human desires... anyone that judges doesnt understand what it feels like. it would be easier if we can have a lobotomy to remove the part of us that has this desire for sexual relationships and that would be the cure, but the people whod whine at you for wanting sex would also whine at this for being inhumane and immoral. so i wouldnt bother too much about anyone thinking seeing prostitutes is immoral. it isnt, its immoral that we get excluded from society and relationships when we are still human and our mind and body still has that strong desire for sexual contact and makes you very depressed if you dont get it.