Who else goes to prostitutes

I'm well aware this thread will most likely get locked which in my opinion it shouldn't this is a real issue confronting autistic people and a topic that needs a proper airing. I'm not going to comment on the posters opening post's specific details except to say I'm certainly in no position to judge him.

The reality is autism is a disability that makes it harder to engage in sexual relationships. There are lots of disabilities like this. People often don't want to have sex with a body that is noticeably different, disfigured or impaired. Prostitutes are well aware that they are disproportionately used by disabled people. Many even go out of their way to get hoists or wheelchair ramps. Autism is just another impediment. People often don't want sex or relationships with people who's social skills are obviously abnormal or impaired.

In general there are 3 topics that need to be addressed.

1. The fact that providing prostitution doesn't help people find long lasting relationships, which is something many would like (as well as sex).
2. Statistically prostitution is largely harmful to prostitutes.
3. Prostitution is expensive. Only the rich can access sex with a prostitute it as regularly as a sexual partner unless prostitution is subsidised.

The last 2 are fairly self explanatory. Prostitution tends to be associated with drug use, abuse and poverty. The notion the glamorous call girl living the high life is certainly the exception not the rule and even if that form of prostitution isn't harmful it's beyond the means of most disabled people. Escort agencies are generally charging 3 figure sums a night.

More importantly I think disabled people, including autistic people, have a right to expect equal opportunities in life and that includes sexual relationships. Sex with a prostitute is not a relationship, except maybe a business one. Being neurotypical is not a 'genuine occupational requirement' for loving some one, or flirting, or getting laid.

So what are the alternatives to prostitution. If we don't look to prostitutes to have sex with autistic people then some one else must be expected to. The general population or some sub set of it. There are basically 4 options

1. Through guilt or some other form of manipulation the government pressures the population as a whole into being more open into having sex with autistic (or for that matter disabled) people. Basically peer pressuring the population into being open to sex with autistic people. ... Placing aside any ethical issues I'm dubious about whether this could be effective.
2. Recruit volenters. Programs specifically asking for people actively interested in having sex with autistic (or disabled) people as a form of good deed. It would probably be less damaging than prostitution but it still wouldn't meet the need of forming real lasting relationships.
3. An aggressive program of dating 'assistance' for autistic (or disabled) people. I'm not talking about a dating agency if anything something more like a pick up artist training system, but it would have to be one that actually worked. Something involving stylists to help them dress, 'wing men/women' to help set them up in conversations. Renting out fancy cars and other props to help them impress the opposite sex. And mostly lots of training on how to talk peoples pants off. ... This ticks the key boxes. The same skills that could get them into peoples beds could help them get into relationships. Unfortunately the public would almost certainly accuse any organisation doing this of turning autistic young men into 'predators.'
4. Virtual girlfriends. This is not a new idea. In the 90s you could get services in japan where girls would send you flirty text messages throughout your day posing as a girlfriend you didn't have. We now have a huge amount of AI technology and robotics technology has come on a lot. We have nearly human sounding AI voices, we have believable deep fakes and supper realistic CGI. A robotic AI girlfriend, one that could pass, or nearly pass, for human, is a very real possibility in our lifetimes. And even with out better robotics how hard would it be to take a very advanced chat bot like GTP-3 and link it to a super realistic CGI vocaloid girlfriend who you could talk to over skype, or indeed have cyber sex with. An AI can form a relationship with a person in the sense that it can adapt its responses to some one else's conversation and retain facts about that person. ... It's not a good solution, but it probably is better than prostitution and it's pretty much going to happen whether people like it or not.

Bluntly there is 0 interest in society in dealing with the sexual relationship inequality disabled people experience. Those who accept prostitution see it as a solution and those who don't mostly think disabled people should be willing to accept a life with out sex. As always nothing will change unless disabled people, autistic people included, are willing to make fuss about it.

There is a huge amount of information out there about non-vocal (more specific than 'non-verbal') communication between human beings. Perhaps autistic children and adults should be taught these skills? In the same way that playing a musical instrument is (apart from a few savants) not acquired instinctively by neurotypical people and is taught, non vocal communication is not acquired instinctively by autistic people and is a skill that is amenable to structured teaching.

Ideally, such learned non-vocal communication skills would place autistic people on a more even footing with allistic people, in the arena of gaining romantic partners.

wishful thinking

every 2nd autistic is alexithymic, meaning they can't read others

Mariusz said:

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

You did very well, compared to some of the rest of us, but you finally wrote something that is substantially less than wise... 

Most of us are halfway towards living as hermits, but you still need to be able to identify lies.

Otherwise you might end up owning a Renault and thinking you have a good relaible car. Or a modern laptop and expect it to make it past two years. OR you answer the phone and end up allowing someone to reconfigure your computer for THEIR benefit...

And just to throw in a controversial topic, if you have no tools for spotting deception, you could end up letting someone insert a genetic engineering tool into your body, which has been falsely described as a vaccine to fight a virus which itself has been falsely described as being very lethal across the board. It may be many years before the truth of this matter becomes fully accepted public knowledge, but I KNOW it will eventually, because the truth is immutable. There can be only one truth, and it has to dovetail seamlessly with all of the other truth you hold about reality. The Covid-19 Psychological operations were massive which is why the basic lie "This is a vaccine" has taken root in so many minds, but it will clear eventually. 

In many cases, once you have some basic skills and allow you intuition to develop spotting deception becomes a useful and interesting "hobby".

Like when I bought my last used car from a dealer. During the test drive I knew that when he turned on the radio (a well known tactic used by the savvy to cover up any embarassing quite noises) I needed t sharpen my perceptions. And there it was, a quiet whine coming from the differential... I now knew he was keen to get shot of this car, (which was overall in superb condition for it's age), and that knowledge was worth about £400 off the asking price, after I had finished feigning less interest than I actually had in purchasing the vehicle. (A decent used diff was at the time around £250, when at the time I budgetted £1250 per annum for effective maintenance. But if you are paying circa £1500 for a car that cost it's original owner fourteen years previously £68,000 and expecting absolute reliabilty as well as a nice drive, you have to budget properly for maintenance, and know where to go) 

meaning to focus on it, while I can only think about running away

my non-autistic friend was offering to teach me that last year, but I decided it's not worth the trouble

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

It is possible to detect signs that a person is lying. The techniques are taught to people in various policing and security roles. It requires minute observation, which is an autistic strength.

Martin said:

eplaced by the conscious application of learned knowledge.

it is not a feasible option because regular non-autistic start lying from the moment they encounter another person every day

I cannot read music, but I could be taught to do so. What I am suggesting is that 'reading others' by subconscious instinct, is replaced by the conscious application of learned knowledge.

I cannot read music, but I could be taught to do so. What I am suggesting is that 'reading others' by subconscious instinct, is replaced by the conscious application of learned knowledge.

Mariusz said:

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

You did very well, compared to some of the rest of us, but you finally wrote something that is substantially less than wise... 

Most of us are halfway towards living as hermits, but you still need to be able to identify lies.

Otherwise you might end up owning a Renault and thinking you have a good relaible car. Or a modern laptop and expect it to make it past two years. OR you answer the phone and end up allowing someone to reconfigure your computer for THEIR benefit...

And just to throw in a controversial topic, if you have no tools for spotting deception, you could end up letting someone insert a genetic engineering tool into your body, which has been falsely described as a vaccine to fight a virus which itself has been falsely described as being very lethal across the board. It may be many years before the truth of this matter becomes fully accepted public knowledge, but I KNOW it will eventually, because the truth is immutable. There can be only one truth, and it has to dovetail seamlessly with all of the other truth you hold about reality. The Covid-19 Psychological operations were massive which is why the basic lie "This is a vaccine" has taken root in so many minds, but it will clear eventually. 

In many cases, once you have some basic skills and allow you intuition to develop spotting deception becomes a useful and interesting "hobby".

Like when I bought my last used car from a dealer. During the test drive I knew that when he turned on the radio (a well known tactic used by the savvy to cover up any embarassing quite noises) I needed t sharpen my perceptions. And there it was, a quiet whine coming from the differential... I now knew he was keen to get shot of this car, (which was overall in superb condition for it's age), and that knowledge was worth about £400 off the asking price, after I had finished feigning less interest than I actually had in purchasing the vehicle. (A decent used diff was at the time around £250, when at the time I budgetted £1250 per annum for effective maintenance. But if you are paying circa £1500 for a car that cost it's original owner fourteen years previously £68,000 and expecting absolute reliabilty as well as a nice drive, you have to budget properly for maintenance, and know where to go) 

meaning to focus on it, while I can only think about running away

my non-autistic friend was offering to teach me that last year, but I decided it's not worth the trouble

I'd rather live as a hermit, than learn how to detect lies.

It is possible to detect signs that a person is lying. The techniques are taught to people in various policing and security roles. It requires minute observation, which is an autistic strength.

Martin said:

eplaced by the conscious application of learned knowledge.

it is not a feasible option because regular non-autistic start lying from the moment they encounter another person every day