I don't know to engage with people

Urm to be honest it's a weird one, job interviews is one of my strengths in masking. 

It's seems I end up knowing what I'm talking about, even when I don't really. 

But I also have this obssesion with numbers, and calculating everything in my head. 

I'm not one of those genius at maths but I have a passion for numbers, budgeting, attention to details, forcasting, resolving money issues etc.

But to get back how I manage to get into the role, was based on that I already work for the company for a long time, but in a entirely different position and department. Then one day I apply for that position and they gave me an interview cos that I already work for the company, but they were blown away by my interview and passion.

Sorry I know that doesn't help.

Do you get any interviews tho?

Have you tried to take any training courses? 

Hope said:

I get lost in my passion

there is no end to talk about Special Interest, save it for those interested in hearing it,

most non-austic fake interest for some things while they really don't want to hear anything that isn't sport or getting wasted or laid

Thanx you.

I will try this stopping after 2 sentence. Is going to be hard, as my brain runs fast and my mouth is trying to speed up with it.

I'm always calculating everything I say and do, and I always have this time limit to get every word out like it's going to be the last time I will ever speak to them.

But also with that I get lost in my passion in what I'm talking about and think, aah finally I feel comfortable to talk with someone.

I will try that, I will probably count in my favourite numbers to stop and give them a chance. Thanx you. 

can I ask personal question? 

how did you get a job in accountancy, I'm trying for years and nothing, and zero experience on CV

Hope said:

Does anyone else have this problem?

everysingle one of us most likely

you are truly blessed, (like every second autistic) and you're alexithymic as well

it means, you can block your feelings almost indefinitely (there is a limit without indicator, crossing it means meltdown). e.g. during 8h at work, that means you can relax your masking which has to be overseen actively, block goes on passive, and that mental capacity focus on dealing with conversation

you can't read body language, so you won't know they showing you to stop, so I stop after two sentences as a rule, otherwise I would talk them to the death while keeping them, standing up as my friends joke

you need to discharge/ process blocked feelings everytime you get back home, takes me hour daily

they will never understand you were trying to share your joy

Hi Shardovan and thank you.

Yes I was diagnosed January 2020 and my boyfriend knows. But it's like he sometimes forgets as he likes to point out that I seem normal, but then gets very annoyed when I do something that doesn't seem normal.

I'm aware he isn't trying to hurt me, but it will be nice for him to support me more or take the time out to do his research.

We have before worked on this, and it's was going alright, as he would kindly tell me that I told him this before, or would try and change the subject by us doing something more active etc. But then last week I was so stress with work, so I guess I was just rumbling on about things, but he did ask what's on my mind.

Sorry to hear that it happened to you too. But that's exactly what it is, when I finally have that deep connection with someone (which is rare). I open up. Only one person knows how special they are that I do that, and yet the same I can also drain them, and the others don't understand.

Yes me too, I really do like to listen to others as well, and also prefer it then talking about myself as I like to learn from others.

Thanx you so much for replying back and for your input, I really appreciate that. 

Hi Hope. Welcome to the forum. Mind if I ask if you've been diagnosed, or maybe even self-diagnosed, so that your bf is aware of the context of the things he's described? If not, then I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you by saying these things, and doesn't realise that you can't change your fundamental nature to a more inherently NT one. But if so... maybe he could try a little harder to be understanding. Maybe you could also ask him to jump in - diplomatically- at those point where he thinks insufficient social reciprocity has reached a kind of critical mass in the conversation. If it comes from a place of honesty and good intention (not trying to hurt), I'm sure you won't mind.  It's not so long since I, to my horror, had someone I deeply care for express exaggerated boredom indicators (staring past me, yawning theatrically, etc.) because I'd clearly missed the point at which they went from really enjoying our conversations to finding me discardably tedious. The hurt and internal distress that resulted burns in me every day. That was pre-diagnosis, and my blid-spots were bigger. I wish I could turn the clock back and try harder to meet the situation half-way. The weird thing is, I'd much rather having been hearing about them than listening to myself rambling on, but I think what I now recognise as one end of the autistic inertia spectrum would get locked into because I was in the flow-state of being so connected with them in a way that is, for me, incredibly rare. I miss them terribly. Like you, I'm over-talkative with a select few (and overly-wordy in a way that could almost seem like affectation even though I wish I could be otherwise) and otherwise have to force words out with most. The ones who get bombarded sometimes seem to understand that it's a compliment to them (relative comfort, trust), but I've definitely exhausted patience in some too, and it hurts to realise how much of a 'small doses' person I can be. 

Anyway, hope things stay good in your relationship, and don't be too hard on yourself. You are who you are, and your brain wiring can only be compensated for so much. In the end, there might have to be more effort from his side to meet you 'halfway', as he's being less drained by the general societal environment - it's calibrated to him more than you, if that makes sense.