Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 27 replies
  • Subscribers 101 subscribers
  • Views 6780 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Being intense/clingy, and doubting diagnosis

sphynx
over 2 years ago

Hi,

I recently lost a very significant, formative, and long-lasting friendship. I also had strong romantic feelings for this person, which they had said they were fine with. Recently they told me they didn’t want to be in touch because they feel I need more from them than they’re able to give.

Yesterday another friend told me I ‘could ease off a bit’ after I expressed concern and gave them some info about potential travel disruptions for them during the coming heatwave.

Both experiences happening in fairly quick succession have made me realise how intense and clingy I am. I used to see the clinginess as loyalty, and engaging deeply as a way of expressing care. But now I know it pushes people away, and I don’t know how to stop.

I doubt my diagnosis a lot - I’ve had two assessments, both of which diagnosed me, but neither was as in-depth as some of the ones I’ve heard about. In the more thorough one, my dad told them things that weren’t true, and I really wasn’t myself in my own interview.

The intensity thing does make me wonder if autism could explain my difficulties relating to people, but am I just making excuses? Is that last thought internalised ablism?

Ideas on any of the above would be much appreciated

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    I am sorry to hear that. I think that the person that you had feelings for was happy to be your friend, but perhaps they realised that you were hoping that they would develop romantic feelings for you. So they have cut ties, in order that you can have time to heal and that one day when you are ready that you might very well find someone who will like you back in a romantic way. If they did not do this, then you would not have a chance of meeting someone new. This person obviously wants you to find happiness. 

    With regards the other friend, I think that you were being kind in being helpful, they are maybe stressed out with other things that has nothing to do with you. They might have just said the same thing to anyone. Friendships always have ups and downs. If you do think that you are being a bit too repetitive or clingy, you can maybe see if there is anything you can do to make things a little less so? You could always have a few counselling sessions with someone who understands autism. 

     

Reply
  • over 2 years ago

    I am sorry to hear that. I think that the person that you had feelings for was happy to be your friend, but perhaps they realised that you were hoping that they would develop romantic feelings for you. So they have cut ties, in order that you can have time to heal and that one day when you are ready that you might very well find someone who will like you back in a romantic way. If they did not do this, then you would not have a chance of meeting someone new. This person obviously wants you to find happiness. 

    With regards the other friend, I think that you were being kind in being helpful, they are maybe stressed out with other things that has nothing to do with you. They might have just said the same thing to anyone. Friendships always have ups and downs. If you do think that you are being a bit too repetitive or clingy, you can maybe see if there is anything you can do to make things a little less so? You could always have a few counselling sessions with someone who understands autism. 

     

Children