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not working stigma and the way people treat you :-(

Deleted user
over 2 years ago

. 

I can't work due to my autism, I find work to stressful etc. 

But I hate the stigma attached to not working, and people like neighbours and family etc etc get curious and will be like "and what do you do?" "what do you work as ?" etc

I keep my autism secret from the family apart from my mum. 

I used to be truthful to people and say I did not work, but they get pretty cruel. 

I like to go in and out of my home (that is before the pandemic as I am vulnerable to covid) and go sit in a cafe for a coffee, it is my happy time, but even then I found that when I went to the same cafe all the time, they started saying "that you away to work?" I ended up changing cafes, and bringing a laptop to pretend i was doing something. 

same with any groups of friends well not really friends but you know meetups were you might have a hobby like art or something and you meetup and do art in a community hall or cafe. Then they will ask me "what do you do". 

I don't want to say well I cant work due to the type of autism I have. 

I dont want to say I dont work 

I wonder if anyone on here gets the same thing? and what do you say to them?

I do study sometimes via online courses (I work those around my pain days) but I cant say I am a student forever or they will be like tweaking that something is not right. 

I dont go out just now, before covid I usually go out on my own to a cafe, but sometimes i be brave and do a little outside hobby or crafting thing , and right now I am between friends, but not sure what to do when i make friends. 

all people my age are thinking of settling down and being all grown up. And I am still living my life like I am 19. it is hard to find anyone my age that has not really grown up in the way we are expected to 

Hope this post makes sense?

Parents
  • over 2 years ago
    I found that when I went to the same cafe all the time, they started saying "that you away to work?" I ended up changing cafes, and bringing a laptop to pretend i was doing something. Same with any groups of friends well not really friends but you know meetups were you might have a hobby like art or something and you meetup and do art in a community hall or cafe. Then they will ask me "what do you do". I don't want to say well I cant work due to the type of autism I have. I wonder if anyone on here gets the same thing? and what do you say to them?

    Hi Summer, you may find this thread from a couple of months ago similar.  I too have noticed how often "What do you do for work" is asked in casual conversation, maybe it is perceived to be a "good introduction/icebreaker" question at a social gathering, as per Piggy's post

    piggy1401 said:
    i have a script for when i meet new people and that is one of my questions

    but those asking overlook that the person on the receiving end:

    • if unemployed will fear being judged when admitting as much because there is still so much 'lazy scrounger' rhetoric
    • may have a job they do not enjoy much and not want to talk about
    • whether in or out of work, they have likely come to the gathering to be away from work or the worry about finding it

    While I'd been out of work I usually replied with what I had normally done before but that I'd been made redundant recently and having Asperger struggled with interviews.  I'm in work at the moment, something I started as a temp and was made permanent in February without an interview, only in the last month to learn they intend to close the local location next March and move things to London, so I'll again be redundant!

    Shardovan said:
    the next variant of the same societal judgement would be about your job status, the presumption that you’d want to climb the ladder etc

    Another brilliant point Shardovan.  A few days ago I was in a conversation on LinkedIn about "promotion" and added that it wasn't something I'd have wanted.  My thoughts are to come into work to do an honest job making use of the skills I have and not to be pushed towards increased responsibilities that would burn me out, however this goes against me in interviews where more confident, forward, assertive, ambitious people are favoured, especially by asking the old favourite question of "Where do you see yourself in X (5 usually the favourite) years time?"

  • over 2 years ago in reply to metalmickey
    metalmickey said:
    "Where do you see yourself in X (5 usually the favourite) years time?"

    awful question

    from my point of view it can be living on a street

Reply Children
  • over 2 years ago in reply to Mariusz

    ‘If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans’ - maybe thats the way to answer! Im at the age now where I dont take it for granted that I wont wake up dead. Get the f*ck out of here with your 5 years, people.