Relationship

Good luck Poppet - I hope you find a way to be free of him very soon. I’m really sorry you’re going through this - it must awful for you. Sorry you don’t have family to support you too - that must be hard. We’re here for you on here if you ever need to talk. x 

If you feel disrespected and that the relationship is turning abusive then get in contact with a woman's refuge or think I saw woman's aid mentioned above, failing that try your GP and he will be able to help you with numbers and maybe even a referral, I know first hand what it's like I tried to hold on to something to long because it was only form of happyness I ever had for the last 2 years of my life, I found out she lied,cheated, stole thousands of me and especially my family, she took advantage of me having no friends and I knew what she was doing but didn't want to be on my own again, I struggle with decision still, but if there's no respect there there's no love, there are organisations that will help you I'm sure, one fact is this it's easier to go now rather than later or at least talk to him make him aware of how you feel and the consequences if he does it again, is he normally like this ? Or is it maybe him thinking he being funny when clearly not? Let him know your boundaries and if he aware that you won't be humiliated again and does .. walk away because as a fellow human being your worth more .. stay strong

Hi, it's the same for me I can't really do phonecall I get way too anxious and can't breathe or talk. Always been like this on the phone and it's got worse the older I've got. Thanks for the advice I did send an email to a support group earlier so I'm hoping I'll hear back in the next day or two.

Hi Kate, thanks for the advice and your support. It's very kind of you, I appreciate it a lot. I'm sorry if I don't sound grateful at all. I don't always express myself that well. Thanks for suggesting citizens advice I will have a look at the organisations they suggest and see if any are right and able to help me. Hopefully some have email support, phone is ok but to be honest I'm not good on the phone I panic and my anxiety kicks in. I struggle real bad with anxiety. Sometimes I do feel that I'm the problem here, I confronted him before and he said to stop being so autistic and once we had an argument about him and he pulled my hair which hurt so I don't want to confront him again. I'd rather just go, leave when he's at work or out. But I've nowhere else to go at the moment so I feel a bit stuck and lost. I have signed up to an online forum where other women in similar relationships support each other so that might help as well. 

Hi, I find that I choke when trying to talk on phones or video call. I often make notes, it’s a big help. Don’t obviously leave any notes lying  around. Write all that you have just told us in an email and send it to some support groups. You will find that they do understand. None of this is your fault. No relationship should be toxic.

I’m really sorry Poppet -  you deserve better. The Citizens Advice website has a list of organisations that help women in unhealthy/abusive relationships - so perhaps try these and see what they advise? Whatever you do don’t blame yourself - this is not you ‘fault’ as you suggest. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect - that applies in all relationships not just romantic relationships. No one has the right to treat you badly. I understand the practical difficulties - see what the helplines advise. I’m sure they will be able to give you good advice and support. It isn’t easy to leave a relationship but if this man isn’t treating you right now he’s unlikely to change. Have you confronted him about his behaviour? And if so what does he say? 

He has been awful lately. He never used to be, or not like this but it's worse now. Doesn't understand the autism or understand how I'm feeling. No I don't. My dad wouldn't have me and my mum is gone now. Other family are pretty far away and I really don't want to burden them with all this. My fault for trying to be in a relationship should have known I wouldn't be good at it.

Hi, thanks. It's annoying because I know I need to get away but I've now realised I have no where else to go so that's a problem. I don't have a job or an income so I'm not sure what to do. I did phone up but I got so anxious I couldn't speak so I'm waiting to calm down and then I will try again later this afternoon. Aw congrats to you and your wife, she sounds lovely and very thoughtful and understanding. When I first got in this relationship things were like that but I don't know things have somehow changed now. I've no family to reach out to, not that are close. My dad and I aren't close anymore and I lost my mum when I was 19 sadly. I will keep looking online for support for this.

He sounds awful - I would end your relationship. Do you have any family you can live with for a while? 

Hi, welcome to the group. You have taken the first step by realising that you need to get out. The above comment sounds to be a good starting point. I’ve been married for 30 years, my wife still always asks before hugging or touching me. Do you have any family at all who could help? I would spend my time getting a plan into place. I know it’s easier said than done. Have a look online at womens help and refuge services.

Hi, thank you for replying. I've not heard of womens aid before but I'll look up and see if they can help me.

I appreciate this. Thank you.

A few years ago i did voluntary work for Vistim Support, and as part of my training spent a few days with Womens Aid. I would suggest you give them a call, they'll know what help is availablel

Sorry to hear about your troubles

Take Care

x.