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Relationship

Poppet

Hi there. I'm new here and am having a problem in my relationship. The main problem is that I don't like or feel anything for him. Because of my autism I feel very little about anyone, I just don't get attached. But also I am masking pretty much all the time so I don't think that helps either but if I don't mask I crash and burn so it's got to be done. The other more recent problem with my relationship is that I think it's become abusive and a bit toxic and cruel. Last night my boyfriend ran me down and embarrassed me in front of his friends and they all laughed at me. And he knows I hate being touched unless I'm feeling in a really good place and happy, and last night I wasn't but he intentionally touched me all over, not sexually, but he still did touched my skin and hair which really upset me. I want to leave but I've got no job, no money as such not enough to live on. I literally depend on him for almost everything. I don't know what to do for the best.

Parents Reply
  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    He has been awful lately. He never used to be, or not like this but it's worse now. Doesn't understand the autism or understand how I'm feeling. No I don't. My dad wouldn't have me and my mum is gone now. Other family are pretty far away and I really don't want to burden them with all this. My fault for trying to be in a relationship should have known I wouldn't be good at it.

Children
  • in reply to Poppet

    Good luck Poppet - I hope you find a way to be free of him very soon. I’m really sorry you’re going through this - it must awful for you. Sorry you don’t have family to support you too - that must be hard. We’re here for you on here if you ever need to talk. x 

  • in reply to Kate Kestrel

    Hi Kate, thanks for the advice and your support. It's very kind of you, I appreciate it a lot. I'm sorry if I don't sound grateful at all. I don't always express myself that well. Thanks for suggesting citizens advice I will have a look at the organisations they suggest and see if any are right and able to help me. Hopefully some have email support, phone is ok but to be honest I'm not good on the phone I panic and my anxiety kicks in. I struggle real bad with anxiety. Sometimes I do feel that I'm the problem here, I confronted him before and he said to stop being so autistic and once we had an argument about him and he pulled my hair which hurt so I don't want to confront him again. I'd rather just go, leave when he's at work or out. But I've nowhere else to go at the moment so I feel a bit stuck and lost. I have signed up to an online forum where other women in similar relationships support each other so that might help as well. 

  • in reply to Poppet

    I’m really sorry Poppet -  you deserve better. The Citizens Advice website has a list of organisations that help women in unhealthy/abusive relationships - so perhaps try these and see what they advise? Whatever you do don’t blame yourself - this is not you ‘fault’ as you suggest. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect - that applies in all relationships not just romantic relationships. No one has the right to treat you badly. I understand the practical difficulties - see what the helplines advise. I’m sure they will be able to give you good advice and support. It isn’t easy to leave a relationship but if this man isn’t treating you right now he’s unlikely to change. Have you confronted him about his behaviour? And if so what does he say?