Mood, depression and getting older

Depression, strange moods, anxiety - they are all common in autism because autistic people tend not to manage our thoughts/emotions, emotional regulation they call it.  Hence triggers causing meltdowns, or shutdowns, or stuck in thought loop.  Depression isn't just sadness, which most people think it is - it can vary, and be complex.

I'm not sure autism gets worse with age, but you can certainly struggle to mask as you get older, or you decide not to hide your autism anymore.  Autism burnout seems common amongst elder autistic adults, its complex - its not just fatigue from having to mask for decades, it may also be due to years of triggers, constant anxiety, chronic over-thinking, or bad things happening in life.

Anxiety is draining by itself, and also increases depression - both of those can also disturb your thinking/moods, and that all feeds into making life really difficult.  Life is just happening to you, you aren't really living.

I am late 40's now, and its only in recent years that I have learned about managing thoughts/feelings.

There isn't much support out there for adults with autism, I've used self-help books to improve how I think, and that has stabilised my moods.

I can recommend a few books that have really helpd me.

'Overcoming Anxiety and Depression on the Autism Spectrum: A Self-Help Guide Using CBT' by Lee A WIlkinson, helps you.  

Another good book is 'A mindfulness guide for the frazzled' by Ruby Wax, she has suffered from mental health issues but decided to study how the brain works, why we suffer, and ways to help.  Mindfulness can be difficult for some, but its worth trying - having a break from thoughts/feelings now and then can really help, and after a while you can use it daily to think better and make better decisions - because your brain isn't fried.

You can't fix executive dysfunctioning, sadly, but it can be worse when we are not thinking/feeling well, so working on those will help.  Find ways to help remind you, organise you - there are things online and apps, best to find what works for you.

Thank you for your thoughtful reply. I've never considered depression coukd be not just sadness.

I do think I had a period of burnout a few years ago ( burnout anyone would experience due to life events but autism adds another layer).  I have felt in a perpetual state of anxiety since September really. It hasn't ever fully gone away. I think the low mood is also coming from not being able to process how I feel properly...this has happened before.

You're right, there isn't much support but I'm absolutely trying my best with what's available from the professionals and my own self help. It's a case of problem solving as much as I can rather than just moaning about it. 

I'll look into the Wilkinson book. I did get one by Beardon which basically said avoid everything that triggers you but this is totally unrealistic. CBT has taught me to be more tolerant of anxiety (it was slightly adapted as I'd done regular cbt before without success) but like I said above, it can get to the runaway train stage. 

I'm practising mindfulness everyday. It's just being absorbed more into my life now and I do meditation and breathing etc. It does take the edge off and I do this anytime, not just when anxious, although sometimes it's hard to disassociate "relaxation" with "anxiety".

I love Ruby Wax. I've got her most recent mindfulness book which has been really helpful. Again it's practising it like you would with the gym. But also not getting hung up on it either. She's very accessible and I love the science bits too....I need that otherwise it just seems mumbo jumbo.

I think it's about having a tool box of things we need as and when, but it feels like mines an untidy mess at the moment and I can't find what I need.

Yes - I am trying my best too to find ways of reducing my anxiety - as is my son. At the moment we are just not doing that well - more existing than living at the moment as we both feel so overwhelmed by various things that are happening at the moment (in our family and in the wider world). We had a family member who died recently and also serious illness in the family. Sometimes I’m just too anxious to meditate or practice mindfulness. It’s a bit of a vicious circle. I think I’d like to sleep for a month or two! Just get a massively long rest where I don’t have to think at all and give my mind a thorough rest. That would be lovely. 
We often look back on happy times from before the pandemic and I feel such a longing to feel like that again - where you didn’t have to worry about viruses and going into places. I miss being that carefree (although of course we did have worries then - but it was different). 
pits such a beautiful sunny day today and that does help. I’m so glad that spring is about to appear

A lot of what you say resonates with me, especially the bit about recovering and feeling bad you aren't back to normal yet.  When I was having my anx episode a few years back and also been recovering from covid,  I think I was putting pressure on myself that I had to be back to normal and sometimes I thought I was but I wasn't. I often look at people at work who ring in sick for the slightest thing...I think cos I'm so used to fighting through things because of the 'spergers, I'm just used to it. Ive always said I feel I have a higher tolerance than others for putting up with stuff (not physical pain...just stress of normal life).  

It's good you want to get a handle on things. That's the first step of progress...recognising you aren't right and need help.

I too like religious music. I was on holiday in Scotland a few years bsck and felt really moved in the abbey while we sang. I'm not religious at all! It was a really emotionally charged evening and I didn't realise at the time but i think I was picking up on everyone's vibes. 

I sowed my wildflowers (in the front garden too!) this afternoon. I'm keeping everything crossed. One thing I do struggle with on gardening is I feel personally responsible if something doesn't survive. Or that im not doing something the right way. Also I don't know where to start with a project. Im also overly mindful of wildlife and it can be to the detriment of getting on with things (Monty says keep a patch of your grass wild...I did and now it's smothered in dandelions. ...they say don't clear up your leaves too early...I haven't but it looks a mess!) Also all the pots I seem to accumulated stress me out and I feel elements of gardening are quite wasteful (like when they suggest making a seasonal container or using fresh compost all the time) I'm trying to reduce the amount of pots I have and to put more in thr ground. I'm learning not to overthink as much and just "get on with it" and that I'll learn by mistakes which is hard cos I don't like making any.

It must be so lovely to do a job you can be completely absorbed in and enjoy at the same time. It definitely will come back to you when you've got more capacity. It sounds like you've been through an awful lots and I think our short term brains can only handle so much so focus on getting yourself more well first then the rest will follow. I've learned you can't do everything and  wellbeing needs to be priority.

My partner is very rational. I used to find this difficult at times till I discovered I was AS then got a diagnosis.  He actually offers a very level headed perspective of things which is really helpful. 

Hope you and your family enjoyed your walk! 

A lot of what you say resonates with me, especially the bit about recovering and feeling bad you aren't back to normal yet.  When I was having my anx episode a few years back and also been recovering from covid,  I think I was putting pressure on myself that I had to be back to normal and sometimes I thought I was but I wasn't. I often look at people at work who ring in sick for the slightest thing...I think cos I'm so used to fighting through things because of the 'spergers, I'm just used to it. Ive always said I feel I have a higher tolerance than others for putting up with stuff (not physical pain...just stress of normal life).  

It's good you want to get a handle on things. That's the first step of progress...recognising you aren't right and need help.

I too like religious music. I was on holiday in Scotland a few years bsck and felt really moved in the abbey while we sang. I'm not religious at all! It was a really emotionally charged evening and I didn't realise at the time but i think I was picking up on everyone's vibes. 

I sowed my wildflowers (in the front garden too!) this afternoon. I'm keeping everything crossed. One thing I do struggle with on gardening is I feel personally responsible if something doesn't survive. Or that im not doing something the right way. Also I don't know where to start with a project. Im also overly mindful of wildlife and it can be to the detriment of getting on with things (Monty says keep a patch of your grass wild...I did and now it's smothered in dandelions. ...they say don't clear up your leaves too early...I haven't but it looks a mess!) Also all the pots I seem to accumulated stress me out and I feel elements of gardening are quite wasteful (like when they suggest making a seasonal container or using fresh compost all the time) I'm trying to reduce the amount of pots I have and to put more in thr ground. I'm learning not to overthink as much and just "get on with it" and that I'll learn by mistakes which is hard cos I don't like making any.

It must be so lovely to do a job you can be completely absorbed in and enjoy at the same time. It definitely will come back to you when you've got more capacity. It sounds like you've been through an awful lots and I think our short term brains can only handle so much so focus on getting yourself more well first then the rest will follow. I've learned you can't do everything and  wellbeing needs to be priority.

My partner is very rational. I used to find this difficult at times till I discovered I was AS then got a diagnosis.  He actually offers a very level headed perspective of things which is really helpful. 

Hope you and your family enjoyed your walk!