Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there I'm Cassidy and I'm need of some advice please.
I have Autism which I do struggle with on a daily basis, don't we all? I mostly struggle with noise, going out, talking and things breaking my usual routine. Somehow I managed to get in a relationship and it's going ok. I don't think I'm an amazing girlfriend but he seems to like me so I guess that's nice.
But recently he's started talking about us having a baby. And I'm not really sure what to do. He tells me I'd be a great mum but I don't think I would. I have meltdowns a lot. And I can't stand babies, nothing personal I just don't like the constant crying and being sick :/ But lately he's getting really pushy and when we have intercourse he takes off protection even though I tell him not to. I don't think I want to get pregnant. There's a lot of factors here working against me. I think I'd be a terrible mum and I've also got a brain tumour which I haven't told anyone about yet. That's something else I need help with. I'm going to die and I don't know how to tell my mum, dad and sisters and brother. It's getting bigger all the time and sometimes I faint. I told my boyfriend the fainting is related to my low vitamin intake.
Not sure what to do about both things.
Isn't rape when your pinned down and you crying. It's not like that, it's just he takes off protection and sometimes when I don't feel like it he still wants to do it. I'm never hurt or crying though. I don't really like intercourse because I find it painful but it makes him happy so I do it.
We been together for not very long really but he seems to like me. I like him to its nice not being on my own now but sometimes I feel unhappy I'm not sure why though. It's a bit like I feel like I'm a burden and he could do a lot better. I struggle because of the autism and I miss important things when we speak and he looks annoyed with me. I can be a bit lame sometimes. And I'm mostly a boring girl.
The tumours are hard to live with but I'm not on my own. I don't have just one nurse there's a team for support and they answer any questions I have. So I'm not going through it alone. I don't feel well at the moment and I've been sick a few times this morning, but my headache isn't to bad so I can't complain.
Thanks for the advice I'll ask my team for help to tell my family. If I'm lucky they may tell them for me. I'm not sure if I can have the strength to tell them myself. It's going to be so upsetting.
Only thing that bothers me is that my team said in time I may end up in a hospice. I guess that's a sort of hospital. I don't like the sound of that at all. I want to stay home, is my comfort zone.
If he's forcing you to have sex and you don't want to, that is rape.
If he's deciding to make you pregnant without your consent (i.e. taking off the contraception), that is rape.
Information about men taking off condoms without their partner knowing:
nottssvss.org.uk/.../
No one likes crying babies and sickness. Even a person without autism understands that. Another question is whether you should have children if you just don't want to. Maybe you should talk to him about it. You have no idea how I dealt with my breakdowns. I cried all the time. When my second baby was born, they said he had autism. And that's when I was desperate. The first one was fine, and he got on my nerves. So kids are different. I bought personalised dummy clips for my baby's pacifier, so he gets used to being silent as early as possible. At the sight of a pacifier, he understood that there are other people here and you have to be nice. If your man doesn't understand the seriousness of your thoughts, you need to tell him directly to keep his guard up and consider your wishes. What else can you do? Tell the truth. He will either accept you or not. But you don't want children, so if he wants a child from you, he will feel bad. You will feel how easy it will be for you after talking to him. And the sooner you start doing it, the sooner you'll get help.