Published on 12, July, 2020
He asked if I was annoyed at him this morning and I said no, explained it was an external situation that was annoying me. He repeated the questioning so many times to the point I asked him frustratedly to trust that I was telling him the truth. He said he should just go kill himself and slammed a door. When told this wasn’t okay he brought it back to autism.
The other day I went out with my friends for Halloween to a club event. I told him before that I didn’t really want to go and would probably be back early. I understand I was at fault because he took this literally. He blew up my phone on every social media asking why I wasn’t replying and he accused me of not being where I said I was. When I proved I was he said he never said it. He’s often saying he never said things that he did.
We all went home after that. When I got home he said that I was a hypocrite because I kicked him out when he went out with his friends and came back late - which is a lie. He said he was leaving at like 3am because he “refused to be spoken to like that” - when I was just disputing outright lies. I offered him the sofa multiple times and he refused, before eventually coming to my front door and shouting for hours. He says this was an autistic freak out, and that he never made stuff up but that it was due to his autism. I’m so tired of everything being to do with his autism. I feel like I’m a constant carer for his emotional well-being.
He also doesn’t work due to stress related seizures, spends all of his money on weed to reduce the seizures (he’s had one in 3 months b it that could be because he smokes an ounce in a few days), and I’m now supporting us. He’s moved in with me and doesn’t contribute, I mean he’ll pay for the odd thing but then I end up having to buy his weed because he doesn’t have enough. He would end up homeless if anything were to go wrong here. I don’t know what to do. Please help.
As an addition to my other comment, I noticed the age difference.
Not that this is an 'issue', but on top of other things, it might be that he is using it as a power play, He might have the delusion that being older makes him 'wiser', more experienced, or provides him with some dominant attribute.
Just another thing that might be complicating the situation.
The only important factor here is that this man is an abuser. He isn't going to change in the time frame that is going to make staying in this relationship worthwhile.
Run for the hills. At 22 you should be enjoying life, not stuck with some loser who has problems with his fragile ego.
Not sure why you are replying to my comment...
You are right that this person is an abuser. And you are right that the OP should be enjoying her life rather than suffering. And she should probably get out of that relationship.
But part of your comment is a very negative view of a person's ability to redeem themselves, with appropriate help, along with a poor view of the possible longevity of relationships.
I thought the point of this forum was to share experiences and knowledge with the view to solve problems. It's all good and well trying to solve one problem while totally ignoring that other related problems also need to be addressed, but it's a bit short sighted.
If we don't want to discuss these negative behaviours and their causes, how can we possibly hope to reduce any future occurrence?
Ah got it.
Yes, I actually do agree with you on this. The current length of the relationship along with the immediate red flags, doesn't warrant more investment from her.
I see your point about who the original poster is in the context of this discussion. So that does make a lot of sense. I have difficulty putting myself in another's shoes and tend to just look at a situation and pick at it from multiple angles, sometimes missing the pertinent point of the discussion.
Before I get misrepresented, I wasn't suggesting that she became his rescuer, nor that anybody was responsible for becoming his rescuer.
I suppose I felt I might be able to help the discussion in some way, from a different angle, but I can see now that might have been a misplaced assessment. Context.
Thanks for your reply.
Replying to your comment because the website doesn't work properly on my phone.
I'm not saying they can't change, I'm saying they aren't going to change quick enough to make this realistic. I'd never advocate for anyone to stay with an abuser (it's my area of work). The risks are too high, and in this case the relationship is extremely new.
If her partner was the poster then fine, explore his issues, but he isn't and nobody should be encouraging her to be his rescuer.