Highly Sensitive Person and Autism

Thanks for this Kiki. I've read all the descriptors and it's confused me. They all seem to be the same autistic traits that I have and so I'm confused now whether I have a different condition.

HSP doesn't take into account other things like executive dysfunction, rigidity of thought, repetitive behaviours, special interests, alexithymia,  regulation of emotion. Communication difficulties could look the same but have a different root cause (eg autism / socisl anxiety).

Ah, you see, I never thought of myself as having EF issues, communication difficulties or any of this.  Plus I regarded my interests as simply interests and not "special".  So the whole concept of being a HSP delayed my realisation that i'm autistic by years.  And this also meant I failed to identify that the rest of my family are autistic too.  Particularly as a parent, I let others down.  No identification equalled no support or awareness and lots of judgment, criticism and blame.  We ended up being pushed into crisis situations before autism was even mentioned.   

I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, paranoia and loneliness right now.  I keep thinking things refer to me that most probably do not.  I have the constant need to communicate but no real life friends to talk to.   Just feeling very vulnerable.  There must be some sort of guilt too.  Or a self perception of myself as this horrible person.  Because of past mistakes i have made.

Would love a neurodivergent therapist..

Yes, I'm very leery of psychologists & other MH professionals myself and really wish that, in the past, I'd simply talked to a trusted friend instead.  The numbers of neurodivergent counsellors are growing, though (there are a couple of FB groups which relate) plus if you can talk to your friend then, over time, that might prove more helpful to you.  In addition to this group, Mind and any others which appeal, of course. 

I am scarred by my encounters with child pyschologists when i was younger. They knew what was up with me but chose not to help.  This was the 90's.  I have my Brazilian female friend but i am trying to pull her so want to advertise all my weaknesses to her so much.  Maybe i could talk to my online friend Richard about it. I did raise the subject of how i was feeling with him the other day.  But we are two ASD males and we usually discuss current affairs, film and music.

The thing is, nobody is really independent.  We all rely on others, family, friends, organisations, a reliable supply chain at the supermarket, medical care etc etc.  And, although I kind of know what is meant in that people, when they can, might seek greater independence, especially of the kind that is lauded in our society.  But it's all relative and I for one didn't do myself any favours by getting myself out there and forcing myself to to things that I actually felt very uncomfortable about, damaging my mental health and burning out in the process.  All of which leads to me retreating into my shell and moving further away from demonstrating the kind of independence that often seems to be foisted upon us, ready or not.  

For me it's one of those slippery words.  "Potential" too, because we all of us have a whole plethora of potentialities but the laws of physics being what they are, we need to make choices and that'll involve not meeting some of those "conditions of worth" (i.e. potential achievements that are put onto us by others, from our parents, our earliest school reports onwards and then various employers, if we're able to work).  

So I'd suggest that some of these words can be used as sticks with which to beat ourselves, unless we untangle them and fish out the aspects we really want for ourselves and our future plans, if any, plus what realistically lies within our abilities.

Myself, I'm definitely unsorted, I haven't lived up to all of my potential and I'm more than a little dependent on a whole host of others to keep me in my current lifestyle.  But that doesn't mean I can't have some measure of happiness and pleasure in living by my own standards and becoming very aware of, as you say, "societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like".  And very often rejecting it. 

As I grow older, I become less and less influenced by these standards and, as Tassimo suggests, it might be useful for you to talk this through with someone you trust.  It might all feel less overwhelming if you pick it apart and pare it down to what's really helpful for you.   

I'm sorry you're in that situation. I've reached my limit of knowing what to suggest so I wish you the best of luck. Other people seem to have better suggestions  

No doubt.   I'm awaiting the reactivation of my Mind forum account so i'll be able to type about it on there again soon.

Talking about your feelings with someone you can trust is essential for good mental health. Isolation should be avoided when your mental health is poor. 

It's complicated. We do have  a good relationship but i don't like to talk to her that often.  She is ASD herself and our conversations can be awkward.   Her parenting style is ultra laid back and non interfering and so was my late dads.  Neither of them are the offering guidance type. But i'm not sure i'm the accepting guidance type.  Either way this has resulting in my never really becoming independent and not really wanting to.  Well i guess i just don't see the appeal of living in some shitty flat by myself just so i can appeal to societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like,

The unsorted me. Nice turn of phrase.    I do need to do something as i'm extremely unimpressed with the way things are going and spent all last night watching samaritans videos on You Tube.

Yes, it's good to have an outlet, somewhere to express your thoughts.  Is this something you could talk to your mother about?  I really wish my sons would be more open about what they're feeling.  I don't focus on them sorting themselves out so much as opening up opportunities to find a way through together and making sure that any plans I make are consistent with what they want and need. 

And I personally never sorted myself out - I basically adapted my work and home so that they were a better fit for the "unsorted" me.  Not saying that's easy mind, but that maybe the more you share with your mother, the easier it might be.  Assuming you have a good relationship, that is.  

I think my mother is worried sick about what will  happen to me when she goes. She had a cancer scare a couple of years ago which worried me sick. I was hoping the shock of such a thing was going to force me to sort myself out. Since then though i've developed health problems of my own and my mental state is declining.

I do remain steadfast and talking on here helps.

Thanks Turtle.  It feel like a life's work to be honest, or as though I'm on a kind of quest.  And yes, we are in the area of trauma and burnout here, of which most medics know very little.  I probably know more myself, but it's still not enough to help, well, not within a reasonable timeframe anyway.  

I think services often only kick in when there's an immediate risk of harm to self or others, or an out and out crisis.  Even then, they're often not that helpful.  And if, rather than having an immediate crisis, there's a risk of steadily losing your life bit by bit to severe, chronic burnout or hikikomori, nobody is there to help.  

Being passed from pillar to post is a very familiar experience to me.  

Thanks Malojian.  And yes, I was speaking about my adult children.  My stance is one of, "never give up".  I'd certainly encourage others to remain steadfast too.

However, I am getting older and have health conditions that mean it feels quite pressing every day.  

You didn't let your family down at all. You were simply not aware through no fault of your own, but despite that you tried your best to get to the bottom of your own difficulties which subsequently led you to the truth and eventually diagnoses for you and other members of your family along with insight into previous generations of your family. This would be a gigantic task in itself today, to learn about ASC as more awareness and help slowly emerges, but to go through this blind, for years, decades, when there was virtually nothing in the mainstream is a monumental achievement.  

I only started looking into all this when my nephew was diagnosed. Then I began looking at the wider family in detail and everything began to hit home. It was everywhere. I would say both of my Grandads were on the spectrum which is as far back as my own memory and experiences go. Their own offspring it was harder to tell back then ( but it was there ) with little diversity in general tolerated in society but with the next generation and my own, it was much clearer to see there were cousins who were clearly on the spectrum but never to this day diagnosed. It is only now, with their offspring, that a few have already been diagnosed. 

But in general, of the two most damaging, hidden and unrecognised mental health categories -  Austism & Trauma, these two remain virtually absent from any formal medical training in the Western world despite the now overwhelming scientific evidence of the costs to society and our health services, not to mention the agony experienced by the individual being passed from pillar to post. 

Your kids sound somewhat like me Jenny. I've been through more social states in my life though so maybe there's hope for them yet.  I didn't start being intimate with others till my late 20's.  And i wasn't heavily social till i was 30.  I'm now back in Hikikomori mode .   I hope i'm not oversharing i just wanted to give you some hope for the future for your kids.  I haven't given completely up on myself yet either.  It's really difficult but you just have to force yourself out there again again into what is often certain pain.

Actually i think i just assumed you were talking about your adult children in your final paragraph. If you were not then i've got the wrong end of the stick.  Anyhow what i wrote about we reclusive autists still makes sense.

Your kids sound somewhat like me Jenny. I've been through more social states in my life though so maybe there's hope for them yet.  I didn't start being intimate with others till my late 20's.  And i wasn't heavily social till i was 30.  I'm now back in Hikikomori mode .   I hope i'm not oversharing i just wanted to give you some hope for the future for your kids.  I haven't given completely up on myself yet either.  It's really difficult but you just have to force yourself out there again again into what is often certain pain.

Actually i think i just assumed you were talking about your adult children in your final paragraph. If you were not then i've got the wrong end of the stick.  Anyhow what i wrote about we reclusive autists still makes sense.

I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, paranoia and loneliness right now.  I keep thinking things refer to me that most probably do not.  I have the constant need to communicate but no real life friends to talk to.   Just feeling very vulnerable.  There must be some sort of guilt too.  Or a self perception of myself as this horrible person.  Because of past mistakes i have made.

Would love a neurodivergent therapist..

Yes, I'm very leery of psychologists & other MH professionals myself and really wish that, in the past, I'd simply talked to a trusted friend instead.  The numbers of neurodivergent counsellors are growing, though (there are a couple of FB groups which relate) plus if you can talk to your friend then, over time, that might prove more helpful to you.  In addition to this group, Mind and any others which appeal, of course. 

I am scarred by my encounters with child pyschologists when i was younger. They knew what was up with me but chose not to help.  This was the 90's.  I have my Brazilian female friend but i am trying to pull her so want to advertise all my weaknesses to her so much.  Maybe i could talk to my online friend Richard about it. I did raise the subject of how i was feeling with him the other day.  But we are two ASD males and we usually discuss current affairs, film and music.

The thing is, nobody is really independent.  We all rely on others, family, friends, organisations, a reliable supply chain at the supermarket, medical care etc etc.  And, although I kind of know what is meant in that people, when they can, might seek greater independence, especially of the kind that is lauded in our society.  But it's all relative and I for one didn't do myself any favours by getting myself out there and forcing myself to to things that I actually felt very uncomfortable about, damaging my mental health and burning out in the process.  All of which leads to me retreating into my shell and moving further away from demonstrating the kind of independence that often seems to be foisted upon us, ready or not.  

For me it's one of those slippery words.  "Potential" too, because we all of us have a whole plethora of potentialities but the laws of physics being what they are, we need to make choices and that'll involve not meeting some of those "conditions of worth" (i.e. potential achievements that are put onto us by others, from our parents, our earliest school reports onwards and then various employers, if we're able to work).  

So I'd suggest that some of these words can be used as sticks with which to beat ourselves, unless we untangle them and fish out the aspects we really want for ourselves and our future plans, if any, plus what realistically lies within our abilities.

Myself, I'm definitely unsorted, I haven't lived up to all of my potential and I'm more than a little dependent on a whole host of others to keep me in my current lifestyle.  But that doesn't mean I can't have some measure of happiness and pleasure in living by my own standards and becoming very aware of, as you say, "societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like".  And very often rejecting it. 

As I grow older, I become less and less influenced by these standards and, as Tassimo suggests, it might be useful for you to talk this through with someone you trust.  It might all feel less overwhelming if you pick it apart and pare it down to what's really helpful for you.   

No doubt.   I'm awaiting the reactivation of my Mind forum account so i'll be able to type about it on there again soon.

Talking about your feelings with someone you can trust is essential for good mental health. Isolation should be avoided when your mental health is poor. 

It's complicated. We do have  a good relationship but i don't like to talk to her that often.  She is ASD herself and our conversations can be awkward.   Her parenting style is ultra laid back and non interfering and so was my late dads.  Neither of them are the offering guidance type. But i'm not sure i'm the accepting guidance type.  Either way this has resulting in my never really becoming independent and not really wanting to.  Well i guess i just don't see the appeal of living in some shitty flat by myself just so i can appeal to societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like,

The unsorted me. Nice turn of phrase.    I do need to do something as i'm extremely unimpressed with the way things are going and spent all last night watching samaritans videos on You Tube.

Yes, it's good to have an outlet, somewhere to express your thoughts.  Is this something you could talk to your mother about?  I really wish my sons would be more open about what they're feeling.  I don't focus on them sorting themselves out so much as opening up opportunities to find a way through together and making sure that any plans I make are consistent with what they want and need. 

And I personally never sorted myself out - I basically adapted my work and home so that they were a better fit for the "unsorted" me.  Not saying that's easy mind, but that maybe the more you share with your mother, the easier it might be.  Assuming you have a good relationship, that is.  

I think my mother is worried sick about what will  happen to me when she goes. She had a cancer scare a couple of years ago which worried me sick. I was hoping the shock of such a thing was going to force me to sort myself out. Since then though i've developed health problems of my own and my mental state is declining.

I do remain steadfast and talking on here helps.

Thanks Malojian.  And yes, I was speaking about my adult children.  My stance is one of, "never give up".  I'd certainly encourage others to remain steadfast too.

However, I am getting older and have health conditions that mean it feels quite pressing every day.