Highly Sensitive Person and Autism

Thanks for this Kiki. I've read all the descriptors and it's confused me. They all seem to be the same autistic traits that I have and so I'm confused now whether I have a different condition.

HSP doesn't take into account other things like executive dysfunction, rigidity of thought, repetitive behaviours, special interests, alexithymia,  regulation of emotion. Communication difficulties could look the same but have a different root cause (eg autism / socisl anxiety).

Ah, you see, I never thought of myself as having EF issues, communication difficulties or any of this.  Plus I regarded my interests as simply interests and not "special".  So the whole concept of being a HSP delayed my realisation that i'm autistic by years.  And this also meant I failed to identify that the rest of my family are autistic too.  Particularly as a parent, I let others down.  No identification equalled no support or awareness and lots of judgment, criticism and blame.  We ended up being pushed into crisis situations before autism was even mentioned.   

I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, paranoia and loneliness right now.  I keep thinking things refer to me that most probably do not.  I have the constant need to communicate but no real life friends to talk to.   Just feeling very vulnerable.  There must be some sort of guilt too.  Or a self perception of myself as this horrible person.  Because of past mistakes i have made.

Would love a neurodivergent therapist..

Yes, I'm very leery of psychologists & other MH professionals myself and really wish that, in the past, I'd simply talked to a trusted friend instead.  The numbers of neurodivergent counsellors are growing, though (there are a couple of FB groups which relate) plus if you can talk to your friend then, over time, that might prove more helpful to you.  In addition to this group, Mind and any others which appeal, of course. 

I am scarred by my encounters with child pyschologists when i was younger. They knew what was up with me but chose not to help.  This was the 90's.  I have my Brazilian female friend but i am trying to pull her so want to advertise all my weaknesses to her so much.  Maybe i could talk to my online friend Richard about it. I did raise the subject of how i was feeling with him the other day.  But we are two ASD males and we usually discuss current affairs, film and music.

The thing is, nobody is really independent.  We all rely on others, family, friends, organisations, a reliable supply chain at the supermarket, medical care etc etc.  And, although I kind of know what is meant in that people, when they can, might seek greater independence, especially of the kind that is lauded in our society.  But it's all relative and I for one didn't do myself any favours by getting myself out there and forcing myself to to things that I actually felt very uncomfortable about, damaging my mental health and burning out in the process.  All of which leads to me retreating into my shell and moving further away from demonstrating the kind of independence that often seems to be foisted upon us, ready or not.  

For me it's one of those slippery words.  "Potential" too, because we all of us have a whole plethora of potentialities but the laws of physics being what they are, we need to make choices and that'll involve not meeting some of those "conditions of worth" (i.e. potential achievements that are put onto us by others, from our parents, our earliest school reports onwards and then various employers, if we're able to work).  

So I'd suggest that some of these words can be used as sticks with which to beat ourselves, unless we untangle them and fish out the aspects we really want for ourselves and our future plans, if any, plus what realistically lies within our abilities.

Myself, I'm definitely unsorted, I haven't lived up to all of my potential and I'm more than a little dependent on a whole host of others to keep me in my current lifestyle.  But that doesn't mean I can't have some measure of happiness and pleasure in living by my own standards and becoming very aware of, as you say, "societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like".  And very often rejecting it. 

As I grow older, I become less and less influenced by these standards and, as Tassimo suggests, it might be useful for you to talk this through with someone you trust.  It might all feel less overwhelming if you pick it apart and pare it down to what's really helpful for you.   

The thing is, nobody is really independent.  We all rely on others, family, friends, organisations, a reliable supply chain at the supermarket, medical care etc etc.  And, although I kind of know what is meant in that people, when they can, might seek greater independence, especially of the kind that is lauded in our society.  But it's all relative and I for one didn't do myself any favours by getting myself out there and forcing myself to to things that I actually felt very uncomfortable about, damaging my mental health and burning out in the process.  All of which leads to me retreating into my shell and moving further away from demonstrating the kind of independence that often seems to be foisted upon us, ready or not.  

For me it's one of those slippery words.  "Potential" too, because we all of us have a whole plethora of potentialities but the laws of physics being what they are, we need to make choices and that'll involve not meeting some of those "conditions of worth" (i.e. potential achievements that are put onto us by others, from our parents, our earliest school reports onwards and then various employers, if we're able to work).  

So I'd suggest that some of these words can be used as sticks with which to beat ourselves, unless we untangle them and fish out the aspects we really want for ourselves and our future plans, if any, plus what realistically lies within our abilities.

Myself, I'm definitely unsorted, I haven't lived up to all of my potential and I'm more than a little dependent on a whole host of others to keep me in my current lifestyle.  But that doesn't mean I can't have some measure of happiness and pleasure in living by my own standards and becoming very aware of, as you say, "societies standard of what an adult is supposed to  look like".  And very often rejecting it. 

As I grow older, I become less and less influenced by these standards and, as Tassimo suggests, it might be useful for you to talk this through with someone you trust.  It might all feel less overwhelming if you pick it apart and pare it down to what's really helpful for you.   

I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety, paranoia and loneliness right now.  I keep thinking things refer to me that most probably do not.  I have the constant need to communicate but no real life friends to talk to.   Just feeling very vulnerable.  There must be some sort of guilt too.  Or a self perception of myself as this horrible person.  Because of past mistakes i have made.

Would love a neurodivergent therapist..

Yes, I'm very leery of psychologists & other MH professionals myself and really wish that, in the past, I'd simply talked to a trusted friend instead.  The numbers of neurodivergent counsellors are growing, though (there are a couple of FB groups which relate) plus if you can talk to your friend then, over time, that might prove more helpful to you.  In addition to this group, Mind and any others which appeal, of course. 

I am scarred by my encounters with child pyschologists when i was younger. They knew what was up with me but chose not to help.  This was the 90's.  I have my Brazilian female friend but i am trying to pull her so want to advertise all my weaknesses to her so much.  Maybe i could talk to my online friend Richard about it. I did raise the subject of how i was feeling with him the other day.  But we are two ASD males and we usually discuss current affairs, film and music.