Nearing the end

I feel really happy to have seen your webpage [removed by mod] and look forward to so many more entertaining times reading here. Thanks once more for all the details.

It was an advertising link to some website. These bots are absolute scum, resurrecting a thread about suicide just to post their links.

lol lets play a guessing game at what was removed by the mods.

relax with barney the dinosaur!!! because the mods hate barney!!

It's been a while since you were here. I hope you are ok and your absence means you are feeling a lot better.

Just remember that when it's dark you know the light is coming back to you. Sometimes the night can be long and the darkness lingers but the light always comes back and brightens the day again.

I hope you're doing well. Please try to stay positive.

Sending you all the love and hugs in the world.

Yes I think obsession in autism and negativity is why our suicide rates are so high as we ruminated what is distressing us and this becomes intolerable with suicide as the only way out

I have let the domain expire as it was not getting many hit so although I have the ideas, I need help and interest from authorities

Then maybe it is trauma that is holding you back ? Did you know that trauma is stored in the body and is the main reason why talking therapies have little success ? This is one of the reasons why some have found healing through yoga as it centres on the body. There are trauma informed yoga teachers out there and there are yoga retreats all over the country and abroad. There's a lot of scientific evidence now of the benefits of yoga as a treatment and healer. 

oh yea, everything is fecking labeled criminal in the uk.... its honestly hard to get through life and not be threatened by the law with arrest these days. everything is a crime. even being homeless or rough sleeping is a crime. its getting to a point where its near enough impossible to live a life in the uk without being sent to prison at some point in your life.

Good thinking. Yes I’ve done some of those. Previously I did 100mile bike races every month for years, so that was part of me and I feel the 12 mile walks which I find hard work are rather pathetic in comparison now and even 20 k spinning is draining. Negativity all the time, but nice to get some reactions.

just had a friend do Canterbury to Rome walking! I’m envious they could do it.

Maybe the Channel 4 film will help,  but 4 months to go till shown and need to be anonymous to most so as not to embarrass my family.

I feel there are issues for neurodiverse, head injury and suicidal ideation people ie medical issues that are mistreated by the police and justice system , who have labelled these things criminal.

I identify: it’s like having a sickness of mind in me. 

is it possible to find something time consuming that will get your mind off it?
like perhaps you could do those long hike walks that take days and require wild camping? do the highland way and glen way or whatever, see some beautiful sites, camp in them, walk for days. although i guess trouble is that it will end and you will need to find something else.

Look your court case was a long time ago and as I recall you won in part and lost in part. You probably don’t have many options to pursue this in court (#notlegaladvice) but in the media? If you think you’ve found a sympathetic voice to speak for you you might find it cathartic to have the ‘last word’ on the case and put your complaint on the public record.

as I recall you said you felt the media didn’t report your case fairly without bias. Well having your side of the story told might help you draw a line under this.

im not sure that will actually make your emotional issues go away. As I understand it you have a lot of health issues and I think at least partly you find it easier to transfer the anger about the senseless accident that injured you onto the court case. But if you can draw a line under the issue with the court case maybe you can move on to dealing with the feelings and issues caused by your ill health.

Nice one thanks Turtle. Gives me some more to try, but I’ve read and watched much Eckhart Tolle and finish up being envious of his thinking processes but unable to copy them.

The Autistic or Traumatised brain do not work on the same level as the majority. There are similarities in brain scan science between the Autistic brain and those who have suffered trauma. 

If you use the analogy of the electric wiring in your house, for example. Let's say there are two houses and in the first house, all the electrical wiring seems to do everything you would expect ; all the lights come on when they should and illuminate the rooms they should when the switch to those rooms are turned on, all the wiring to the heating or cooling systems work when required so there are no extremes and all the computer systems/timers etc connected to them function well.

In the second house ( lets call it the Autistic or Traumatised house ) some of the wiring seems to be severed and the computer diagnostics for the heating or cooling systems seem to only work on extreme hot or extreme cold modes and the lights in the house only come on and illuminate a few rooms ( the same rooms every time ) whilst the rest of the house remains in darkness. 

This is a picture of the difference between a so-called ' normal'  functioning brain and an Autistic or Traumatised brain. 

The problem is when you ' think ' that the dimly- lit house is reality and the only house available to live. When the lights are turned-off in certain areas of your being due to fear, and if allowed to continue without awareness to your thoughts, then this fear will consume you and life will appear to be not worth living. You must become aware of your thoughts and eventually, with awareness,  see them coming in order so you may not give them priority or worse, treat them as reality. They are only thoughts and like everything else in this world, will pass like clouds. So, you want to work towards a time when you recognise the thoughts arising and then having a space or pause to either continue the negative thinking..... or to simply watch them pass like clouds. Ekhart Tolle or any other spiritual teacher that has ever lived will point or guide you in the same direction. 

The good news is there are  also treatments that have been scientifically proven to work and that the brain can be re-wired to some degree, just like a house if one is willing to change and seek out the treatment that works for the individual. The work or Gabor Mate and Bessel Van der Kolk on the scientific and humanities fields and the spiritual teachers like Ekhart Tolle, Mooji and so on have shifted me. 

Come out of your prison.

Yes I read Stoics quotes every day. They are good, but I still have all the negative thoughts.

I never hankered after money particularly but saw it as a measure of success and achievements.

I always seem to have a negative twist on things

Have you tried stoicism? There is really no point in worrying about the past, or things you cannot change. It's completely wasted energy and just a source of unhappiness. You don't have a time machine, whatever happened has already happened. Don't obsess about the future either. It will come regardless. Find things you enjoy and do those; be mindful and present when eating, going for a walk, watching the sunset, etc. Live one day at a time.

Money only matters insofar as it puts a roof over your head and buys you food. What other people think doesn't matter at all, it is only your reaction to it that creates displeasure. What might or might not happen in the future doesn't matter. Just live in the present moment and enjoy your life - get out of your head and stop ruminating.

You have power over your mind — not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength. -- Marcus Aurelius

Wealth consists not in having great possessions, but in having few wants. -- Epictetus

That sounds really interesting. Do you mean like warning signs that your obsession is changing for a not good thing .?I would really like to see your website.

Good thinking. Yes I have always had a focus for sport and extra degrees, but now with my focus on suicide, I wonder about classifying and giving my take on the stages for a website, to help people understand the different stages and the importance of managing it effectively early on. 
I suspect we all ruminate and increase our negativity instead of doing the enjoyment and distraction focus.

I too have thouse thoughts . What has helped me this time is I have created a challenge for charity that I am training for.  It has helped me to change my focus even though it’s proving very hard. 

I really hope you find a new focus 

thankyou for your honesty I didn’t know other people with Autism battle with these thoughts too

NAS and no major organisation wants to get involved.

I feel the poice could explain why they prosecuted me, but the officer in charge of the case has refused to reply to any of my 500 contacts made over 3 years