Being "difficult" at work?

OAP - Older Autistic Person said:

I pick up on details that people often miss or choose to ignore, in particular when policies are not being followed, which in my job can put people at risk.

When I communicate this to management I am seen as being, "difficult," "abrupt," or "rude," but no-one can ever seem to tell me what I said that was actually rude, as opposed to being not what they wanted to hear, as it causes problems for them to have to solve.

It is pretty much a standard procedure thing ~ with people sometimes taking immense offence or others feeling incredibly embarrassed at being corrected or told they are breaking the rules, in that they treat such information as being either or both a moral judgement against their good character or an emotionally pointed or blunt attack upon themselves personally ~ rather than as just being a mellow observational pointer for improving ethical conduct and thereby social efficiency.

The things I raised concerns about have been mostly found as valid in an investigation.

Yet to discover what my "punishment" will be for having raised them.

Hello again. Your original post is troubling me a bit and you shouldn't be having to experience these issues. I'll try to word everything as appropriately as I can - nothing being said is a criticism and I am coming at this from a point of thinking that I have experienced similar to you and that maybe by relating my experiences, I can help you in your situation.

First of all, if there are H&S issues, there has to be a process for raising them and for someone doing appropriate follow-up. Is that the case? And, what is causing you to raise issues and how are you doing it? (I'm not inferring that you shouldn't, just trying to understand).

If you are following the process, why is this causing an issue?

You said "I am seen as being, "difficult," "abrupt," or "rude," but no-one can ever seem to tell me what I said that was actually rude". I have been through this many times - I've worked as an IT Contractor for many years and I can be very direct without meaning to be and I think it can come across as abrupt or rude. I've worked on projects where people have complained about me (doesn't make them right and me wrong, but does show that they're upset enough to complain) and I've "broken" a few senior managers over the years, plus caused some tears - but never meant to.

It's hard to be yourself and be being kind and thoughtful and trying to help people and just get through the regular social contact that can cause you stress and/or discomfort, but have people turning on you, or going out of their way to make things difficult for you because of some perceived issue from their side. I've had people be really nasty and I've still helped them out with work, only to have them try to cause more issues. And, I can't say that I understand fully where I go wrong. Maybe it's because I show things on my face that I shouldn't. Maybe it's because I'm not always great with eye contact. Maybe it's because I'm honest to a fault and probably it's because when I think I am being honest and friendly, I am being too honest and direct and not understanding the impact of what I just said (or I realise and understand it later when it is too late). I could go on.

Either way, I know that people often find me direct (rude?) and I know what people see on my face may not be in alignment with what I am thinking or I am showing on my face what they shouldn't know I am thinking. It all makes interactions difficult at times and sometimes leads to conflict. The best relationships I have are with the people that can see past that.

I used to work in a police force (in IT) and had so many complaints about me, but when I'd ask for the detail, the senior managers would say "I'll tell you later", or "I'm not sure of the detail". I think a lot of it was how I was coming across and/or that I was holding people to account (I was a Project Manager at the time). Same as you though, no one could really say what I did wrong when it came down to discussing it. I've been told off for upsetting people on a few projects and am mortified and upset that I have done that, but then go on to do it again. Again though, there's no intention or malice from my side.

I think I am too direct. Although I also get told that I go into too much detail, so sometimes I just can't win.

But, and the point of telling you all this, is to ask you if you think you are too direct? Do you think that you are doing and saying the right thing (probably you are), but maybe the receiver is having an issue - possibly because of the way of saying it, or maybe they just don't want the hassle or feel that you are causing them an extra task over and above what they already have to do?

TLDR: I upset people too like you (*my interpretation of what you said about being difficult/abrupt/rude*) and like you find that there doesn't seem to be much substance or real validity behind their issue when it comes down to it. But the outcome is the same - do the right thing, but don't upset people in the process or rock the boat and put a target on your back.

I have a strong sense of morality / principles which I think gets me into these troubles.

I faced similar bullying issues when I refused to be involved in criminality / fraud in a previous workplace. When I spoke to management about it, it became clear they were aware and complicit. I then endured a year of bullying before leaving.

The issues I identified in my current workplace could potentially put people at risk. It has now been confirmed that my concerns were valid, that procedures are not being followed, and this needs to be addressed.

I am still...over four weeks on...waiting to hear the verdict in relation to the accusations made me about me immediately after I raised the concerns.

It has been agreed that the email I used to identify my concerns was not rude, but was in fact exactly as it should have been. The only other contact I had with the complainant was in two brief phone calls, when I needed to ask questions, and there were no issues there. No other contact was made as I was in a different part of the site for the entire day.

It sounds to me like you're communicating valid things, but there's either an issue in the communication of these things, people are being a***holes, or both.

If you're not communicating in a way that is "effective" and in the way that people are expecting, they can tell you that and you can alter your approach (if appropriate and necessary).

It sounds like something out of nothing. If you raised an issue and followed a process / sent an email - why should that be an issue.

I am feeling for you on this - I think I communicate things in a way that lead to this type of situation in place to place. I still think you follow a process, move on and if people have an issue they need to either say what it is in a way that can close it off or they get over it and move on and allow you to do the same.

It sounds to me like you're communicating valid things, but there's either an issue in the communication of these things, people are being a***holes, or both.

If you're not communicating in a way that is "effective" and in the way that people are expecting, they can tell you that and you can alter your approach (if appropriate and necessary).

It sounds like something out of nothing. If you raised an issue and followed a process / sent an email - why should that be an issue.

I am feeling for you on this - I think I communicate things in a way that lead to this type of situation in place to place. I still think you follow a process, move on and if people have an issue they need to either say what it is in a way that can close it off or they get over it and move on and allow you to do the same.

I have a strong sense of morality / principles which I think gets me into these troubles.

I faced similar bullying issues when I refused to be involved in criminality / fraud in a previous workplace. When I spoke to management about it, it became clear they were aware and complicit. I then endured a year of bullying before leaving.

The issues I identified in my current workplace could potentially put people at risk. It has now been confirmed that my concerns were valid, that procedures are not being followed, and this needs to be addressed.

I am still...over four weeks on...waiting to hear the verdict in relation to the accusations made me about me immediately after I raised the concerns.

It has been agreed that the email I used to identify my concerns was not rude, but was in fact exactly as it should have been. The only other contact I had with the complainant was in two brief phone calls, when I needed to ask questions, and there were no issues there. No other contact was made as I was in a different part of the site for the entire day.